Happy Birthday Cayden!

Cayden James Reed was born on June 5, 2009 at 9:52 am! He weighed in at 6 pounds 5 ounches and measured 19 inches long.

I can not wait to spend the next few days blogging about the magical day. It was the most amazing experience of my entire life. But for now, I gotta go...baby Cayden is calling to me.

Day by Day

I went to the doctor yesterday. I am almost 4 centimeters dilated. I am still 80% effaced, however, Dr. Moore is expecting me to have the baby by Monday. He scrapped my membranes. Yes, it was as painful as it sounds. He said that it would help start the labor process. So now we are taking things day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

He said that if I don't have Cayden by next Saturday that he would induce labor. I hope to God it doesn't come to that. I really don't want to be induced.

After dinner last night Chad and I took a long walk. I think the walk with the combination of my membranes being scrapped helped get things going. I have been having contractions. They are still about 20-30 minutes apart so no need to go to the hospital just yet.

My parents got into town about 10pm last night. I was thankful we were all able to get some sleep last night. We could have a long day or night ahead of us. Chad is as work right now, but is able to leave at a moments notice.

We have everything packed to take to the hospital. Now I just need to find a way to occupy my mind and time until baby Cayden gets here. I am thinking a walk at the mall will do me some good and maybe I'll score a present or two from my parents. :o)

The contractions have been pretty intense, but bearable. I know things will only continue to get more and more painful. This, obviously, makes me nervous. However, I am also eager to see just how much I can handle. I am really glad at this point that we took the labor classes. It does seem like the breathing techniques we learned help with the pain or at least help relax me. Chad has also been a major help in the pain area. He is very encouraging and rubs my back.

The time is near. Holy cow. A human being will be coming out of my body soon...still amazes me.

FMLA

I am no longer working. I started my FMLA today. Boy, does it feel good. My parents will be here tonight and I want a few days to relax and gather myself before the madness that is Baby Cayden begins.

I want to savor every minute of these next 12 weeks. I can’t believe I will be out of work for that long. I can’t believe I won’t work full time again for at least a year. It’s going to be a big change for me, but I am looking forward to it. I think it is going to be great.

I am not going to miss traffic and boring meetings about meetings and petty people who don’t carry their weight.

Now that I am home I am sure the wait for Cayden will be even more unbearable. I am sure he will come late and I’ll spend the next two weeks pulling my hair out waiting for him to get here.

Single Mothers

Single mothers, whether by choice or not, are amazingly special human beings and I respect them now more than ever. There is no way I ever could have taken this pregnancy journey by myself. I simply am not strong enough.

I have never needed Chad more and for a million different reasons. Not only has he given me all the emotional support I have needed these past 9 months he is now providing the physical support that is more important than ever right now. Picking something off of the floor and getting off the couch or out of bed is more than a challenge these days.

This journey called pregnancy is not an easy one and yet there are women everyday who rise to the challenge without a partner and raise wonderful children. I stand in awe of these women because I know how much I have depended on Chad. Their courage and strength amaze me.

I never really thought about the challenges and triumphs of single mothers. I never realized how much respect they deserve. Then, in our birthing classes, I noticed some women were by themselves. They weren’t victims. They were strong and confident and happy to be welcoming a baby soon. It was amazing to watch.

I would just like to take this moment and applaud all the single mothers out there. Bravo! You take the world’s hardest job and make it look easy.

My Wishes for Chad and I

1-That we remain *continue* to be *passionately* in love with each other
2-We never take each other for granted
3-Our parenting styles complement one another
4-We cherish every moment of Cayden because he will grow so quickly
5-We still find time for each other
6-We don’t forget that we are both new at parenting and forgive miscues
7-That we let others help us when we really need help
8-That we never forget that deciding to spend our lives together was the best decision either of us ever made
9-We teach Cayden to follow most of the rules, break a few and mostly be his own person
10-In fifty years, we look back; knowing we had a great life

My Wishes for Cayden

1-That he is born health
2-He has his dad’s consideration
3-He has his mom’s passion
4-He is strong
5-He is kind
6-That he always feels loved and valued
7-That he finds something he is passionate about and pursues it whole heartedly
8-That he talks to us…about the tough stuff…especially the tough stuff
9-That he always knows his parents love each other very much
10-He one day has a sibling to play with (or pick on)

June Baby

So, it’s officially official Cayden will be born in June. After my doctor appointment last week I was fairly confident that Cayden might be a May baby. However, Cayden has other plans and it’s clear that he will be born when he is good and ready to be born.

My parents will be here either late tonight or mid-day tomorrow. The event is near and everyone is ready. The hurry-up-and-wait process is mentally exhausting. I look for signs of labor everywhere; fully knowing that labor will start when I am least expecting it and at the most inopportune time.

I thought that maybe; just maybe I was going into labor on Saturday. I woke up feeling really crampy and grumpy. Chad and I decided we should spend the weekend doing things that will elude us for awhile once baby gets here (go to a sit-down restaurant and go see a movie).

So, after lunch on Saturday we decided to go see the new movie “Up”. (By the way…”Up” is a truly, truly fantastic movie, 100% entertaining and just as touching). The entire movie I was feeling contractions and feel truly uncomfortable, but still managed to completely enjoy what might be my last cinematic outing for awhile.

After the movie we went home and took a nap; yet another luxury that will elude us once baby Cayden comes to town. Well, contractions woke me up. I thought to myself, “this is it, this is really happening. I can’t believe it.”

They were pretty intense, however, not entirely consistent. I figured we would wait a couple of hours and see how things progressed. Well, after about 45 minutes of pretty intense contractions they completely stopped. Nothing. And I haven’t felt anymore since.

So, that is where we are at. We sit. We wait. I remind myself that my due date isn’t for another 10 days (June 11th). Then I remind myself that I am 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced as of last Wednesday, so what’s the hold up?

I am ready to have my baby. I can feel that my body is getting tired of being pregnant. It takes every ounce of strength and energy I have to get out of a chair or get out of bed in the morning. My feet and hands are swollen beyond belief. The aches, pains and general discomfort are constant. I don’t walk; I waddle. My belly skin itches constantly and I won’t scratch it because I am afraid that if I scratch it stretch marks will suddenly appear. I cannot get full. I am so tired of eating all day everyday and still not feeling full or satisfied.

Oh well, he will be here soon enough and then the real work begins.

Progress

I went to the doctor yesterday and I am making progress in the crazy process known as childbirth. I am up to 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. The doctor said that I could have the baby within the week!

My parents will be here on Monday in anticipation of baby Cayden's arrival. However, if I "feel" like he might come before then they are anxiously awaiting on stand-by and can be here in about 6 hours.

I am still not due for another two weeks so the doctor said that I shouldn't be *trying* to make myself go into labor, but, based on the progress I've made so far a late May/early June delivery is more than a possibility.

He said that if I did want to help labor move forward that I should take a long walk or have sex with Chad; to which I replied: "I think walking will be my only option because my husband is concerned he will hurt the baby; especially after he saw how far down his head was yesterday in the ultrasound."

Dr. Moore simply laughed and said, "All guys think they are going to hurt the baby, but he won't. Trust me, once you get tired of taking long walks you will want to explore the other option."

Dr. Moore always manages to keep things light-hearted and playful. I really like him. I have my fingers crossed that he is on call when I go into labor.

As far as work is concerned I am taking it day by day. Today could be my last day. Tomorrow could be my last day. Who knows. I do know that I will 100% *not* work past June 2nd. I can't believe that, at most, I will only be working another 3 days. It's wild and completely freeing. I can't wait to have 12 weeks off followed by part-time employment.

So, that is the latest scoop. It's all happening. And it seems to be happening fast so stay tuned~!

The Last Ultrasound

I had my last ultrasound yesterday. It’s crazy because it seems like the first ultrasound was only yesterday. I can’t believe how far we’ve all come. During the first ultrasound Cayden was 2 centimeters big and weighed less than an ounce. He looked like nothing more than a tadpole. Even back then, when I was just 8 weeks pregnant he was moving and shaking all about.

His abundance of energy and movement back in week 8 are the characteristics that remain unchanged. Now in week 38 he is a whopping 6 pounds 6 ounces and is nearly 19 inches long. Back in week 8 my pregnancy was visible to no one; now my baby belly is visible from space.

Cayden’s size is perfect. He will likely be 7 pounds; depending on when he decides to greet us. Despite my gestational diabetes he weight is exactly where is should be. He is also extremely low in the birth canal. I got back to the doctor today to see if I have dilated anymore. I feel that I have made progress and that Cayden will be here in the next 4-7 days!

As my pregnancy comes to a close I look back on this adventure with great fondness. It has been magical and priceless. And as I get ready to bring Cayden into this world I feel more like a woman than ever before. It has been the most amazing journey of my life and I know it’s only the beginning.

I remain eternally grateful for all of the people who have supported me and Chad over the past 9 months. The encouragement and excitement we received from so many people only added to the joy we have been experiencing. I look forward to continuing this journey with each and every one of them.

Still Waiting

No baby yet. Cayden is still snuggly bundled inside my belly. I am hoping that he makes his entrance by early next week. I have an ultrasound tomorrow and another doctor appointment tomorrow. At tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment the doctor will check to see if I have made any progress regarding my dilation.

I can tell that labor and delivery will be happening soon. Every day it is more and more apparent that both Cayden and myself are getting uncomfortable. I have been experiencing mild and early contractions and a lot of pressure. My hands and feet are so swollen; they look like pickles. I can’t even wear my wedding ring anymore.

The three day weekend was great. My parents were down and will be back this coming weekend for the long awaited arrival of Cayden. We spent most of our time getting the house ready for Cayden. We cleaned and bought the last few items that he needed.

On Sunday we went to Chad’s uncle’s house for a cook out and swimming. The water was 80 degrees. I typically won’t swim if the water is under 90. However, I made an exception this weekend. I’ve been burning up and I needed the water to help me carry some of the baby weight.

I can’t wait to take Cayden to Jay’s house this summer. It’s going to be absolutely adorable to watch him go swimming. Until then, all I can say is, “Cayden…baby boy…come out and visit us…we can’t wait to meet you.”

Anticipation

After yesterday’s doctor appointment I am more anxious than ever to get the show on the road and have baby Cayden. Chad and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate 2 centimeters dilated! While we were at home Chad had a long talk with his son and encouraged him to come and meet the family as soon as possible. We also spent some time in his nursery telling him all about it and how excited we are to bring him home to his room.

My parents will be here this afternoon for Memorial Day weekend. We are planning on having a cook-out and swim party at Chad’s uncle’s house on Sunday. Linsey and Dustin will be there with baby Kale; this will only add to my eagerness to have Cayden with us.

People at work asked if I was freaked out that the labor process has begun. And you know what? I’m not freaked out or scared in the slightest. I am super excited and pumped that the labor process has begun; even if it does take another two weeks to be complete.

I can’t wait to have Cayden. I think it is going to be a magical and priceless experience and I am so thrilled that Chad and my parents will be there to experience it with me. I can’t wait to write all about it. I am hoping that the hospital has wireless internet so that I can blog updates as they happen. Ohhh, that would be so exciting.

So, the baby’s room is ready. We have everything we need for him to come home. We have our hospital bags packed. Now we are on Cayden’s schedule. We just have to wait for him to be ready to come out into this crazy world.

I know that I am getting a little bit ahead of myself. After all, 2 centimeters is not that much and I am not due for another 3 weeks. But I can’t help myself. I am so ready to hold my baby and feed him and do all sorts of fun things with him.

2 CM!

So the process has begun. I had a doctor’s appointment today and I am officially “a good 2 centimeters dilated”. This means Cayden is on his way and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I was so hoping that I would be a little dilated; honestly I would have been disappointed had I not been making any progress.

I will spare you the details, but the process of finding out if I was dilated was invasive and painful. I am sure it is nothing compared to what I will be feeling once true labor actually begins.

I also asked the doctor about this sharp pain I have been experiencing just below my ribcage and he said it was early contractions. Dr. Moore said that I am making great progress for being a first time mom. I can’t believe it’s all actually happening.

I have another doctor appointment next Wednesday. Dr. Moore will once again check to see if I have made any more dilation progress. I have my last ultrasound next Tuesday. It’s all coming together. These next few weeks are going to be one wild ride.

8 ½ months pregnant + Phoenix = Misery!

Today is the 14th day in a row that the temperature here in the **Valley of the Sun** has crept into triple digits. And it’s only May 19th—which means that we can expect the triple digit temperatures to last another 6 months!

I am sure you are tired of hearing me complain about the heat. I’m tired of hearing myself complain about the heat. But with each passing day I find it more and more difficult to get cool. Air conditioning and cold showers seem to help little.

My wedding ring no longer fits because my hands are so swollen. I had to buy a new pair of shoes on my lunch hour because my feet were so swollen it felt like they were going to explode. My hair is in a perpetual ponytail. I have to apply deodorant several times a day. Nearly all of my maternity shirts have sweat stains on them. I even have to change my underwear at least once a day because I sweat *that* much.

I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and the sheets where I’ve been laying feel like they were just taken out of the dryer or had just been ironed. I’m like a furnace; heat just radiates from me.

I am jealous of polar bears. I am jealous of Eskimos. I am jealous of penguins. I am jealous of hockey players. I am jealous of ice sculptors.

Once I have Cayden I am not planning on leaving the house unless it’s to catch a direct flight to the north pole.

The Last Weekend

This weekend was quite possibly mine and Chad’s last weekend alone together for a long, long time. This coming weekend my parents will be down for Memorial Day and the weekend after that…well, who knows; we could very well have a baby by then. Need-less-to-say we spent every moment we could enveloped in one another; simply enjoying the quiet beauty that is Chad and Melissa.

We took a nice nap yesterday and as we both drifted off to sleep, enjoying both the silence and comfort of one another, I wanted to hold onto the moment for as long as I could. While I look forward to expanding our family more than anything I know that I remain blissfully unaware of exactly how much this little life will changes our lives.

Chad and I have been together for so long; have been alone for so long. We don’t live near close friends or family. While Chad does have an uncle and sister in Arizona our visits with them remain far and few between. Our time is spent alone and that’s always been a preference.

I want more than anything to hold onto the dynamic that is our relationship, the dynamic that has worked so beautifully for so long. I find that my biggest fear isn’t the challenge of raising Cayden, but rather the drastic change it could mean to my relationship with my husband.

Yet, I remain faithful that this change will only serve to strengthen and grow mine and Chad’s love for one another and I look forward to what is yet to come. I remain faithful that over the past six years we have built a sturdy and strong foundation and no amount of exhaustion and dirty diapers can weaken what we have built.

A Dream Come True?

So, in the past 4 days I have had 2 friends have dreams that I had Cayden. Is this a sign of things to come? Will he really be here sooner rather than later?

At my doctor's appointment yesterday the doctor said that Cayden was head down and had already descended into the birth canal. Next week he will check to see if I have dilated at all.

Fingers crossed that Cayden gets a May birthday. I am so anxious to meet him.

I Feel Great!

So, these past few days I have been feeling great; better than I’ve felt in weeks. I’ve been feeling let’s go out and run a marathon great. This is a drastic departure from what I had been feeling the last few weeks. I was in panic mode because I honestly felt like I couldn’t be pregnant another second. Now I don’t even feel pregnant.

This past Saturday I thought I was going to have a panic attack because I was feeling so overwhelming pregnant. *Everything* hurt. I felt so much pressure and cramping in my belly and I thought I was going to collapse under the weight of my belly. I really didn’t know how I was going to survive the next 4 weeks or so.

Then all of a sudden I just started to feel better; *much* better. It started Sunday when we were putting together the nursery. I got this sudden burst of energy and my body didn’t hurt as bad. Then Monday, Tuesday and today things seem to be better than ever.

I don’t feel tired. My back and legs are no longer achy. I don’t feel any pressure or cramping in my belly. My feet and hands aren’t swollen. Cayden’s kicks are delightful instead of painful. I don’t feel like I weight a metric ton.

I don’t know what is causing the sudden change. All I know is that it is a welcome change and I am once again loving every second of my pregnancy. Thanks goodness because I don’t know how Chad and I would have mentally handled another 4 weeks of my misery.

Chad thinks that I suddenly feel so much better because I am going to be having Cayden soon—real soon. Maybe? Who know? Perhaps I just feel so much better because I don’t have the pressure of an unfinished nursery on my shoulders.

I’ve had some people at work tell me that it looks like I’ve “dropped”. Honestly, I was thinking the same think; looking in the mirror Cayden looks awfully low. Perhaps he has dropped into a more comfortable position for the both of us.

Maybe I will be having him soon. That would be delightful. I can’t wait to have him with us. It seems like we have been waiting forever. And even if it does take another 4 weeks (instead of 2 like I am hoping) I am very thankful that I am getting a few days of relieve from the discomfort that is 8 months pregnant.

I have a doctor's appointment today. I can't wait to see how it goes.

At Long Last…The Nursery!

We proudly introduce our baby boy's room. I love it. Thanks to Chad for doing a complete remodel on the room and putting everything together.


Chad getting everything set up


Trying to get everything organized...what a mess! Baby Boy Cayden already has so much stuff!


All set...just add baby


Can't wait to bring Cayden home to his room


I love how everything turned out...it's perfect!


The enormous belly at 35 and a half weeks!

Mother’s Day

My un-official Mother’s Day was awesome. Chad and I spent most of the day putting Cayden’s room together. We now officially have a nursery to bring our baby boy home to! It feels *so* good to have this accomplished. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

The room looks amazing. I will probably post some pictures tomorrow. Every time I walk by the room I just have to stop and take a moment to soak it all in. I can’t believe it’s all actually happening. In a month, or less, we will have our baby boy with us.

It took Chad less time to put the crib together than it did for me to take all the clothes and blankets out of their packages and remove the tags. Chad was ready to put the bedding on the crib and I was still snipping tiny tags off all of Cayden’s clothes. In my defense, Cayden has a ton of clothes and Chad is a great handy-man.

I did lots of baby laundry yesterday; practice for the future. It’s so adorable to be folding tiny onesies, bibs, booties and mittens. Cayden has so many clothes, yet they don’t take up that much room. We are all ready for Cayden; now we just have to wait for him to be ready for us.

Chad also took me out to a Mother’s Day dinner. We went to our favorite Italian restaurant in town. I was very indulgent and I got the veggie lasagna. It was delicious and I enjoyed every single last bite of it. And even better for me my blood sugars didn’t shoot through the roof either; they stayed in the normal range.

Perhaps my favorite part of the whole day…Chad gave me a much needed body massage. My body is starting to get a bit achy these days.

Probably No; Not Definitely No

Well, today I met with Kim to discuss my FMLA and possible return to work options. Our department director, Jean, was not part of the meeting. It was just me and Kim talking freely, honestly and openly about my future, my wants and the possibility of it all.

I told her that in my heart I want to stay home and take care of Cayden, however, my bank account doesn’t exactly accommodate my hearts desires. I told her that if I ruled the world I would either work from home a few days a week or work part time.

She said that the decision was not hers to make, but rather rested in the hands of our department direction, Jean, and our campus director Craig. She did tell me that the possibility of either did not seem promising. She said that neither of them was willing to let her, even in her unique situation, work from home or part time.

She said that my best bet would be to make a proposal to submit to Jean and Craig and let them decide from there. She wants me to outline what I would do at home or part time, how I would accomplish it, what resources I would need and reasons why it would be successful.

So, that’s where it stands. Not a definite no, but a probably no. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by this news. I still have one last option to fall back on and that’s working in our testing center part time. I just don’t know if working in the testing center would be enough to keep us afloat financially.

If I work in the testing center and we use savings to make up for the financial short fall I could most definitely stay at home for about a year. However, we would be strapped; extremely strapped; scary strapped. And I just don’t know if I want to live my life like that. It seems unfair to all three of us.

Plus, my intentions were never to use all of our savings just so I can stay home and be with Cayden. On one hand: what better way to spend that money than taking care of my child. On the other hand: it is selfish of us to blow through all that money when we can just as easily put him into daycare.

I wish it was an easy decision. I wish it was an easy situation. I, once again, find myself wishing I had an answer; wishing I knew what we were going to do. I hate the uncertainty of it all. Yet, I know that I am not alone in my dilemma. I know I would not be the first mother to put her child in daycare when she didn’t want to. I know I would not be the first mother who heads back to work with a heavy heart and a guilty conscious.

I wanted the title of this blog to be “I have the best job ever!” But things never seem to work out quite the way I would like them to. And I selfishly and immaturely feel that I am being cheated out of something I deserve.

New Carpet for a New Life

We got our new carpet installed yesterday! So Buster now officially needs to get a job so that he can pay us back. Actually, I have officially forgiven Buster for ruining the carpet in the first place and we have moved on. I trust him again. However, if he does resort back to his old evil ways there will be dire consequences.

It’s so nice having carpet that isn’t full of Buster stains. It’s new and clean and I love it. I rolled around on the living room floor yesterday when it was still empty. We only installed carpet in two rooms of the house; the living room and Cayden’s room. Cayden’s carpet matches the rest of the house; while the living room got an upgraded; much nicer carpet.

I took the whole day off yesterday since the carpet was getting installed and because a plumber came to our house to fix a leaking faucet in our backyard. I must admit it was absolute bliss to be at home. I loved it.

I am so looking forward to being at home with Cayden and taking care of him, the house and Chad. I never thought I would be the type of woman to enjoy that kind of lifestyle; but suddenly it’s all I want to do.

I am meeting with my manager and director tomorrow to discuss my return to work options. They both have said to me that they support any decision I make and that they want me to be able to devote myself to Cayden.

Right now, there are 3 options I am going to discuss with them and depending on their input I will have a for sure decision in less than 24 hours and that will be such a huge relieve. Option 1: Work from home. Option 2: Work part time. Option 3: Go to another department and work part time (this has already been offered to me; I just have to accept).

I would prefer Option 1 or 2 because it would mean more money and I don’t really want to leave my department. I am confident that I can work out one of these options with my director and manager. I know they will do anything they can to help me and I am totally thankful for that.