Cathing Up

I am writing this post on my new laptop; which is one of the main reasons I haven't been dishing about how great baby Cayden is.

While we were in the hospital after I had Cayden our computer got a horrible virus that completely wiped out the hard-drive. So we were forced to buy a new laptop. I wasn't really too happy about spending the money, but we have been needing a new laptop for awhile and our new laptop has a webcam so we can start online chatting with our friends and family.

My parents were able to make another trip out to see us after my aunt's funeral. Both my mom and dad thought it would do them good to get out of Los Lunas for awhile and spend some time with Cayden. Afterall, you can't help but be really happy when you are in Cayden's presence. He is such a light. I am so glad that my mom has something positive to focus on right now during this hard time in her life.

It already seems like Cayden is growing so much. He seems so mature and he is staying awake more and more everyday--I love interacting with him. He is already so strong. He lifts his head and can roll over on his side. We give him "tummy time" everyday and his little legs and arms are getting so super buff. I am no making this up, but this kid already had all kinds of muscle definition. I got a buff baby! He's so awesome.

Mommy & Cayden Time

My mom is back in New Mexico and Chad is back to work. This means that Cayden and I have been spending our days by ourselves. It has been absolutely blissful. While I desperately miss my parents and Chad, spending time with Cayden and bonding with him has been delightful.

When my mom went back to New Mexico on Sunday I was a bit apprehensive to be by myself with baby Cayden. I didn't know if I was ready to take care of him all on my own. I have actually surprised myself and adapted very well.

It feels so natural and right to be at home taking care of my baby. I find the stay at home role to fit me perfectly. My days are never dull and I find myself surprisingly busy. Cayden keeps me on my toes.

I can't take all the credit for having such an easy transition into motherhood; super mom I am not. I have to give most of the credit to Cayden. He is *so* easy to take care of. He never gives me any trouble. He hardly ever cries and is so easy going. Getting to take care of him is such a joy and blessing. I look forward to taking care of him the rest of my life.

My Two Sons

I would love to spend this post talking about how wonderfully Buster has adapted to baby Cayden. However, that isn't the case. And it isn't because of anything that Buster has done. Sadly to say it's my fault. I haven't given Buster the opportunity to get to know Cayden and accept him.

I have a fear and a mistrust for Buster and I don't know where it is coming from. I know that by keeping Cayden and Buster separate from each other it will only make Buster grow resentful and jealous of Cayden. However, I can't help myself. The minute I held Cayden I swore I would do anything to protect him. I just don't know why I feel that I need to protect him from Buster.

Buster is super courious about Cayden too. He just stares at him. I wonder what he thinks. I wonder if he is trying to protect his baby brother. I wonder if he sees him as a toy. I wonder if he sees him as a t-bone.

We haven't completely kept them separate. We just haven't integrated our two sons as much as I thought we would have. Buster has had opportunities to sniff Cayden and be near him while we hold him and feed him. Buster still sleeps in our bed at night and is inside most of the day. He just isn't getting the attention he used to. I feel bad admitting this, but I can go the whole day without even petting Buster. I am just so consumed by Cayden right now. I want to spend every single second with him.

Buster isn't completely alone. My parents have their dog, Pepper, at our house. They brought her down so that she could keep Buster company. So far she is doing a good job. They play and keep each other entertained most of the day. Chad gives Buster attention when he gets home from work, but still, it must be hard on Buster to get cast aside the way he has.

It's just that *everything* changes when you bring a child into this world. I have always said that I loved Buster like my own child, but Cayden actually is my own child. Cayden isn't *like* my son; he *is* my son.

I know that everything is still new and that everyone is still getting settled. I am confident that in time we will be one happy family of four.

What A Good Boy

Chad and I have been blessed with such a good little boy. He is absolutely perfect in every way. I simply can not get enough of him. He is so well behaved and so peaceful. He is laying next to me as I type this and he is an absolute angel. I love him so much is makes my heart ache.

I am not exhausted and sleep deprived like most new parents. Cayden actually lets me get sleep at night. He only wakes up to be feed and get a diaper change; I usually do this twice a night. He doesn't wake up screaming either. He calmly wakes up and makes a few whimpers and I go to him and he instantly calms.

He is happy in any situation. He is happy when he's being held and happy when he is put in his bassinet. He will gladly breast fed and gladly take the bottle. He is not picky or fussy at all. He doesn't mind diaper or clothing changes. I simply can not get over what a good little baby Cayden is. He is such an absolute delight to be around.

I was so impressed that he was able to latch on so quickly. He took to breast feeding like a fish takes to water. I love breast feeding Cayden. I love being able to provide for him outside the womb like I provided for him while he was inside me.

The minute I held him in my arms I knew that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I have the worlds biggest crush on him. I love everything about him. I can't stop showering him with kisses. I can't wait to watch him grow. It's going to be magical.

Cut Short

I put my mom on a plane this morning back to New Mexico. It wasn't the plan I had when I went to bed last night. It wasn't the plan anyone had when they went to bed last night. My mom was supposed to stay with me and enjoy Cayden until she went back to work the beginning of July.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always follow our plans; instead it throws us curve balls and we are taken places we never expected to be. My mom's baby sister, Patricia, past away last night. She was only 32 years old. Her birthday would have been this Saturday.

This past week has been the most joyous of my life...of all our lives. Now we are facing a dark cloud over the delight of baby Cayden. I have so many emotions inside of me that I feel I may burst.

All I want to do is enjoy my baby and keep myself in the cocoon of utopia that is been the last 9 days. Yet, I ache. I ache for my mom. I ache for my aunt. I ache for myself. I am so sad that I will never see her again. I am so sad she will never get to meet Cayden.

I don't know when the funeral services will be. I don't know if I will even be able to make it. I don't know if I can take Cayden traveling so far while he is still so little. I have a doctor's appointment for him tomorrow and I will ask the doctor if I am able to take him on the long road trip.

I will hate myself if I can't make it. I want so badly to be there for my mom. Yet, I can't leave Cayden. I have to be here and take care of him. It's times like these that I wish we didn't live so far away.

My mom's trip was cut short. My aunt's life was cut short.

Nurses

I would like to give a shout out to the nursing staff at Chandler Regional Hospital. They were simply wonderful. I had two nurses during my labor and delivery. Both of these women were wonderful, helpful, encouraging and genuine.

The first nurse Julie was present during the contractions and the administration of the epidural. She kept telling me that I was doing a fantastic job and helped keep me strong. She didn't have any children (I am sure us pregnant women have scared her too much!), but she did have fur-babies. Julie was no nice to the entire family and made sure every one, not just me, was comfortable the entire time.

Julie's shift was over at 7am. After her shift was over we were introduced to Diana. She was the nurse who was with me during Cayden's delivery. She did a fantastic job. She played a more active role in the delivery of Cayden that the doctor did.

I was actually surprised how much the doctor *wasn't* involved. The doctor broke my water, left, and came back into the room once Cayden began to crown. After the delivery he gave me some stitches and was off again.

Diana was with me during the entire labor process. She was there for all the pushing and helped me after the delivery get on my feet and get myself cleaned up. She was so kind and caring.

The nurse we had in the recovery room was awesome. She was an older lady and also a lactation consultant. She helped get Cayden to latch on properly. She was strict, but she got results. She would strip him down to his diaper, wake him up and shove my boob in his mouth. It was actually startling to watch, but after a few attempts Cayden took to the boob like a fish to water.

I am so pleased with all the care and attention we received from the nurses at Chandler Regional. They made our labor and delievery experience so special and memorable.

Greatest Invention Ever

I used to think that Tivo was the greatest invention of all time. I now stand corrected. Tivo is the second greatest invention ever...next to the epidural. I honestly don't know how I would have survived labor and delivery without the help of the epidural. I think I would have ended up having a c-section.

I know there are a lot of opinions out there regarding the use of medication during labor, however, I feel that everyone is entitled to their own birthing process. The epidural was part of my birthing process. I knew before I went into labor that I was going to get the epidural. The epidural allowed me to *enjoy* the process and I am thankful for that.

The pain was unbearable; indescribable. I couldn't stand the pain and I started breaking down mentally. As soon as the epidural was administered I felt instant relief and I was able to focus on the joy of Cayden being born rather than the pain associated with his birth.

The epidural allowed me to rest and gain strength for the delivery. My delivery started at night and I didn't actually deliver until the following morning. I can't imagine having been up for over 24 hours, several of them being in dire pain and then try to push baby Cayden out.

I respect every one's right to their own personal labor plan, this was *my* plan. All I can say is this: Cayden certainly did not appear to be all drugged up when he was born. He was wide eyed and alert; extremely interactive.

Also, Cayden had *zero* trouble latching on. Some people believe that babies have a difficult time latching on if their mothers had an epidural. Cayden latched on the first time they brought him to my breast. I haven't had one problem getting him to stay latched either.

Coach of the Year

I am officially naming Chad coach of the year. Not just pregnancy coach of the year, but all encompassing including football, basketball, baseball and any other type of coach of the year. He was amazing. I simply could not have handled labor and delivery without his love and support; they were tremendous, monumental and priceless.

He was by my side every second of the entire process. He painstakingly watched the contraction monitor for me and guided me through each and every one of my painful contractions. He would prepare me for when a contraction was about to begin, let me know when the contraction had reached its peak and let me know as the contraction was subsiding.

While there were times of intense pain and displeasure I've never felt closer to Chad than in those desperate moments. It was a very intimate experience. There was a lot of eye contact, kissing, hugging and holding hands. I never felt the urge to yell at him or call him names; instead we said, "I love you," about a million times. I only wanted to be closer to him. His physical and emotional presence helped me through all the pain and fear.

He kept me steady during the hard labor. When a long, strong contraction would start he would help me keep my focus. He would say to me, "Look at me. Look at me. Now breathe. Breathe with me." It helped so much.

As a couple I think we are stronger and more secure than ever. It was amazing to experience something so profound with him. He was so encouraging while I was pushing Cayden. I am so glad that he watched Cayden be born. It was beautiful. I can honestly say that we delivered Cayden together.

A Labor of Love

This is how I spent the day before Cayden's arrival:

I spent all of Thursday, June 4th with my parents. We went to eat lunch at Souper Salad. We then went to the mall for a little while (I got a new pair of flip-flops out of the trip). We then went to Wal-Mart to get groceries for the evening and do a little more walking.

After our Wal-Mart trip I came home and laid on the floor with my body pillow--my favorite activity in recent weeks. I started having contractions. I thought to myself, "is this it? Could this really be happening."

Alas, much to my diapointment my contractions stopped. Chad came home from work, we ate dinner and went on yet another walk. After the walk I took a shower. The contractions started again. This time they were closer together and more painful than before.

About 8:00pm we decided it was time to go to the hospital. We packed all of our bags in the car and away we went. We got to the hospital about 8:30 and I was checked into triage. I was asked numerous questions and was put on a couple of different monitors. One monitored the contractions the other monitored Cayden's heart beat. I was examed and I was about 4.5 centimeters dilated. I was instructed to walk and get re-examined 45 minutes later.

It must have been quiet a sight...seeing me (in a hospital gown), Chad and my mom and dad walking up and down the hospital halls. Each contraction was growing stronger and stronger; I couldn't even walk through some of them.

Our 45 minute walk was over and I went back to my triage room. The contractions were now 3 minutes apart and were each about 1 minute long. I was re-examined and had dilated another half centimeter. The nurse called the doctor on duty and asked if I should be admitted.

Much to everyone's surprise the doctor on duty sent me home! I couldn't believe it. None of us could believe it. I was completely frusted. The doctor on duty never even came to see me. I was given a sheet explaning when true and active labor has begun and I was experiencing everything on the sheet! I was frustrated because I didn't know when I should come back.

Feeling completely defeated we headed back home. The drive home was nearly 30 minutes. It was a long and painful drive. Once we got back to the house I was in dire and desperate pain. The contractions were so painful and so long and so frequent. I didn't know what to do.

We only stayed at the house for an hour and Chad took charge and said that it was time to get back to the hospital. We drove (once again) the 30 minutes to the hosptial and re-checked into triage. I was re-hooked up to the monitors and re-examined. I was up to 6 centimeters. The contractions were 30 seconds apart and lasting two minutes long.

This time I was actually admitted into labor and delievery. Chad and I got to the room and the anastegologist was called to administer my epiduarl; which did not come a moment too soon. I was losing my mental focus. I couldn't stand the pain. After the epidural was adminstered I felt immediate relief and had already dilated to 7.5 centimeters.

Progression slowed after the epidural was administered. Luckily I was able to get some rest. I had a long job ahead of me.

About 7:30am I was fully dilated. However, my water hadn't broken. The doctor manually broke my water and we waited about an hour to see if baby Cayden would make his way further down the birthing canal. Around 9am the nurse checked and Cayden had successfully made his way down the entire birthing canal. Now it was time to push.

Chad and my mom were my pushing coaches. They did a wonderful job. I pushed for about 30 minutes and then I had a son. It was the most amazing experience of my entire life. I still can't believe it. Everything with the delievery went perfect. Cayden was born beautiful and healthy and we couldn't be happier to have him.

So, that is it in a very small nut sheel. I still have so much to talk about. I can't wait to share it all.

Happy Birthday Cayden!

Cayden James Reed was born on June 5, 2009 at 9:52 am! He weighed in at 6 pounds 5 ounches and measured 19 inches long.

I can not wait to spend the next few days blogging about the magical day. It was the most amazing experience of my entire life. But for now, I gotta go...baby Cayden is calling to me.

Day by Day

I went to the doctor yesterday. I am almost 4 centimeters dilated. I am still 80% effaced, however, Dr. Moore is expecting me to have the baby by Monday. He scrapped my membranes. Yes, it was as painful as it sounds. He said that it would help start the labor process. So now we are taking things day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

He said that if I don't have Cayden by next Saturday that he would induce labor. I hope to God it doesn't come to that. I really don't want to be induced.

After dinner last night Chad and I took a long walk. I think the walk with the combination of my membranes being scrapped helped get things going. I have been having contractions. They are still about 20-30 minutes apart so no need to go to the hospital just yet.

My parents got into town about 10pm last night. I was thankful we were all able to get some sleep last night. We could have a long day or night ahead of us. Chad is as work right now, but is able to leave at a moments notice.

We have everything packed to take to the hospital. Now I just need to find a way to occupy my mind and time until baby Cayden gets here. I am thinking a walk at the mall will do me some good and maybe I'll score a present or two from my parents. :o)

The contractions have been pretty intense, but bearable. I know things will only continue to get more and more painful. This, obviously, makes me nervous. However, I am also eager to see just how much I can handle. I am really glad at this point that we took the labor classes. It does seem like the breathing techniques we learned help with the pain or at least help relax me. Chad has also been a major help in the pain area. He is very encouraging and rubs my back.

The time is near. Holy cow. A human being will be coming out of my body soon...still amazes me.

FMLA

I am no longer working. I started my FMLA today. Boy, does it feel good. My parents will be here tonight and I want a few days to relax and gather myself before the madness that is Baby Cayden begins.

I want to savor every minute of these next 12 weeks. I can’t believe I will be out of work for that long. I can’t believe I won’t work full time again for at least a year. It’s going to be a big change for me, but I am looking forward to it. I think it is going to be great.

I am not going to miss traffic and boring meetings about meetings and petty people who don’t carry their weight.

Now that I am home I am sure the wait for Cayden will be even more unbearable. I am sure he will come late and I’ll spend the next two weeks pulling my hair out waiting for him to get here.

Single Mothers

Single mothers, whether by choice or not, are amazingly special human beings and I respect them now more than ever. There is no way I ever could have taken this pregnancy journey by myself. I simply am not strong enough.

I have never needed Chad more and for a million different reasons. Not only has he given me all the emotional support I have needed these past 9 months he is now providing the physical support that is more important than ever right now. Picking something off of the floor and getting off the couch or out of bed is more than a challenge these days.

This journey called pregnancy is not an easy one and yet there are women everyday who rise to the challenge without a partner and raise wonderful children. I stand in awe of these women because I know how much I have depended on Chad. Their courage and strength amaze me.

I never really thought about the challenges and triumphs of single mothers. I never realized how much respect they deserve. Then, in our birthing classes, I noticed some women were by themselves. They weren’t victims. They were strong and confident and happy to be welcoming a baby soon. It was amazing to watch.

I would just like to take this moment and applaud all the single mothers out there. Bravo! You take the world’s hardest job and make it look easy.

My Wishes for Chad and I

1-That we remain *continue* to be *passionately* in love with each other
2-We never take each other for granted
3-Our parenting styles complement one another
4-We cherish every moment of Cayden because he will grow so quickly
5-We still find time for each other
6-We don’t forget that we are both new at parenting and forgive miscues
7-That we let others help us when we really need help
8-That we never forget that deciding to spend our lives together was the best decision either of us ever made
9-We teach Cayden to follow most of the rules, break a few and mostly be his own person
10-In fifty years, we look back; knowing we had a great life

My Wishes for Cayden

1-That he is born health
2-He has his dad’s consideration
3-He has his mom’s passion
4-He is strong
5-He is kind
6-That he always feels loved and valued
7-That he finds something he is passionate about and pursues it whole heartedly
8-That he talks to us…about the tough stuff…especially the tough stuff
9-That he always knows his parents love each other very much
10-He one day has a sibling to play with (or pick on)

June Baby

So, it’s officially official Cayden will be born in June. After my doctor appointment last week I was fairly confident that Cayden might be a May baby. However, Cayden has other plans and it’s clear that he will be born when he is good and ready to be born.

My parents will be here either late tonight or mid-day tomorrow. The event is near and everyone is ready. The hurry-up-and-wait process is mentally exhausting. I look for signs of labor everywhere; fully knowing that labor will start when I am least expecting it and at the most inopportune time.

I thought that maybe; just maybe I was going into labor on Saturday. I woke up feeling really crampy and grumpy. Chad and I decided we should spend the weekend doing things that will elude us for awhile once baby gets here (go to a sit-down restaurant and go see a movie).

So, after lunch on Saturday we decided to go see the new movie “Up”. (By the way…”Up” is a truly, truly fantastic movie, 100% entertaining and just as touching). The entire movie I was feeling contractions and feel truly uncomfortable, but still managed to completely enjoy what might be my last cinematic outing for awhile.

After the movie we went home and took a nap; yet another luxury that will elude us once baby Cayden comes to town. Well, contractions woke me up. I thought to myself, “this is it, this is really happening. I can’t believe it.”

They were pretty intense, however, not entirely consistent. I figured we would wait a couple of hours and see how things progressed. Well, after about 45 minutes of pretty intense contractions they completely stopped. Nothing. And I haven’t felt anymore since.

So, that is where we are at. We sit. We wait. I remind myself that my due date isn’t for another 10 days (June 11th). Then I remind myself that I am 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced as of last Wednesday, so what’s the hold up?

I am ready to have my baby. I can feel that my body is getting tired of being pregnant. It takes every ounce of strength and energy I have to get out of a chair or get out of bed in the morning. My feet and hands are swollen beyond belief. The aches, pains and general discomfort are constant. I don’t walk; I waddle. My belly skin itches constantly and I won’t scratch it because I am afraid that if I scratch it stretch marks will suddenly appear. I cannot get full. I am so tired of eating all day everyday and still not feeling full or satisfied.

Oh well, he will be here soon enough and then the real work begins.