My Two Sons

I would love to spend this post talking about how wonderfully Buster has adapted to baby Cayden. However, that isn't the case. And it isn't because of anything that Buster has done. Sadly to say it's my fault. I haven't given Buster the opportunity to get to know Cayden and accept him.

I have a fear and a mistrust for Buster and I don't know where it is coming from. I know that by keeping Cayden and Buster separate from each other it will only make Buster grow resentful and jealous of Cayden. However, I can't help myself. The minute I held Cayden I swore I would do anything to protect him. I just don't know why I feel that I need to protect him from Buster.

Buster is super courious about Cayden too. He just stares at him. I wonder what he thinks. I wonder if he is trying to protect his baby brother. I wonder if he sees him as a toy. I wonder if he sees him as a t-bone.

We haven't completely kept them separate. We just haven't integrated our two sons as much as I thought we would have. Buster has had opportunities to sniff Cayden and be near him while we hold him and feed him. Buster still sleeps in our bed at night and is inside most of the day. He just isn't getting the attention he used to. I feel bad admitting this, but I can go the whole day without even petting Buster. I am just so consumed by Cayden right now. I want to spend every single second with him.

Buster isn't completely alone. My parents have their dog, Pepper, at our house. They brought her down so that she could keep Buster company. So far she is doing a good job. They play and keep each other entertained most of the day. Chad gives Buster attention when he gets home from work, but still, it must be hard on Buster to get cast aside the way he has.

It's just that *everything* changes when you bring a child into this world. I have always said that I loved Buster like my own child, but Cayden actually is my own child. Cayden isn't *like* my son; he *is* my son.

I know that everything is still new and that everyone is still getting settled. I am confident that in time we will be one happy family of four.