Bad Habits

Before I had Cayden I knew *exactly* how I was going to raise him. I had everything planned perfectly and I had a million and one rules for myself and a long list of, "I would never". Well, I had Cayden and all my lists and rules seemed to go out the window and these past four months I have been doing what feels good and what feels natural.

Mine and Chad's parenting sytle is pretty relaxed. We go with the flow and pretty much let Cayden call the shots. He isn't on any type of scheule except The Cayden Schedule. He eats, sleeps and plays pretty much on his terms. We tend to give him what he wants when he wants it. So far our laid-back parenting style has worked to our advantage. Cayden is a great baby. It's such a joy to take care of him.


However, (yes, there is a "however") Cayden is developing what you might call a bad habit. Actually, it's not Cayden's bad habit, it's my bad habit. Cayden is held *a lot* and has been ever since the day we brought him home from the hospital. Now four months into our parenting adventure Chad and I are finding that Cayden doesn't want to be put down--in fact, he cries sometimes when we do...opps.


I swore I wouldn't be one of those parents who constantly hold and spoil thier baby. Well, then I had Cayden and he was so wonderful I never wanted to put him down. I still don't. I could hold him all day, everyday. I *want* to hold him all day, everyday. However, that is not humanly possible. He *needs* time to be on his own for both physical and psychological development.

I feel that it will be a harder habit to break for myself than it will be for Cayden. He is smart, well-behaved and growing more active everyday. I am sure he will start seeking his independence soon. However, his mommy will have to learn that Cayden needs to be put down at times. It's going to be tough, but I am going to put a real effort into it--starting next month.

Our Life

I have not written in forever. The main reason is because Cayden keeps me so busy that I hardly ever have a few minutes to get on and actually write. He doesn't take two hour naps anymore. Instead we spend most of our days playing on the floor. Also, on a day-to-day basis there is not too much to report. Life is simple and happy.

I enjoy Cayden more everyday and I am fascinated by watching him grow, change and discover the world around him. He is getting so big--litterally growing before my eyes. I swear some mornings I pick him up from his crib and he is *heavier* than when I put him in it the night before. He can sit up by him self, he can roll over, he plays with his toys and he has started eating baby cereal. He laughs all the time and constantly babbles.

He is so sweet too. He hugs and snuggles and gives the worlds biggest kisses. He likes to hold hands and make eye-contact; he looks at you with such love. While Chad is at work Cayden nurses and when Chad gets home I pump bottles so that Chad can participate in feeding him too. Nursing Cayden is pure bliss. I love it. I can't imagine *not* breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is one of the greatest joys of mommyhood. Cayden is so sweet too, he hugs the boob. I just love knowing that even though I am no longer pregnant with him I still remain everything he needs.

The holidays and cool weather are almost here and I simply can not wait. I am so excited to see Cayden at "his first" fill in the blank. We can't wait to be spending some much needed time with our family during the holidays.

I remain grateful that I am able to stay home with my little guy and be a full-time mommy. I enjoy every second I get to spend with him and I will cherish our time together always.

Sleeping Aragnements

Cayden has been upgraded from sleeping in his bassinet to sleeping in his crib. He probably needed to be in his cribs weeks ago but I was being a sissy and didn't want to give up him sleeping next to me.

However, after him being in his crib for the past two nights I realize it was the best decision for him. He needed to be in his crib and he seems so much more comfortable now. Chad and I are so proud of him. He has been sleeping through the night so good in his crib.

He is now going to bed at 9 and waking up around 6. Before he would still go to be at 9 but wake up around 4. The couple extra hours of sleep at night are doing me wonders. Now that he is waking up at 6 we get to spend time in the morning with Chad before he leaves back to work.

Chad had wanted to put him in his crib a few weeks ago, but I wasn't ready. I didn't think him sleeping in the bassinet next to my side of the bed would be so hard to let go, but it was. I loved having him just a few inches away. I would sometimes even sleep with my hand in the bassinet on his chest.

It was hard for me to accept that he needed to move on. I can't believe he is already growing up so darn fast. I guess they can't stay little babies forever. At least we get to cuddle in my bed in the mornings after Chad goes to work. I love it. It's such a special time for mommy and baby.

Cayden Taking A Bath

Splish Splash Cayden was taking a bath...on a Wednesday morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcnO-4TZNyk

Big Decisions

I made a really big decision today. I decided not to return to work. Originally I had planned on returning to work part-time; about 10-20 hours a week. I have been agonizing over this decision for weeks. I was due to return to work tomorrow. I simply could not do it.

We still didn't have the Cayden babysitter situation figured out. I never felt comfortable leaving him. I don't know why. I trust Chad's cousin. She has raised to great boys of her own. But I have always believed that I am best suited to take care of Cayden.

So I am unemployed for the first time in 10 years. This is going to be a major financial adjustment for Chad and I, but I believe that sacrifies will be worth it. I am so proud of Chad for being willing to take on the entire financial burden of our family.

I am confident that this decision is the best decision for our family. Cayden needs me right now. He is so little and still adjusting to his new world. I am so glad that I will be able to stay at home with him. We are going to have so much fun~we already have been; after all we are best buddies.

I love this picture

It completely captures his adorable personality. He is the most beautiful, precious, perfect baby on the planet. He warms my heart in a way I could never imagine. This is the most rewarding and precious tme of my life.

Pictures from NM Visit

Here are some pictures from mine and Cayden's trip to New Mexico. Enjoy!


This is Cayden in Clovis with his great-grandma Nan.


This is Cayden with his great-grandparents.


Cayden with his g-ma and g-pa and his great-grandma.

This is Me, Cayden and my grandma Margaret.

All 4 of us in front of Kenna's house.

Cayden loved his Aunt Kenna.

Chillin' at my parents house after an exhausting week. Whew!

Back to Work

So I will be heading back to work at the beginning of September. I have decided to take a part-time position in the testing center at University of Phoenix. While I do wish that I could stay home 100% with baby Cayden I remain grateful that I am able to stay home mostly with him.


I will be working about 10 hours a week. My hours will be Friday evenings and Saturday during the day. This means that Cayden will only have to go to the sitter for about two hours on Friday afternoons--which is terrific. It also means that Cayden and Chad will have some alone bonding time together; which I am sure will be good for both of them.

Cayden will be going to Chad's cousin's house. Her name is Melissa and she is a stay at home mother to two boys already in school. She loves Cayden to pieces and I am confident that he will be well taken care of. I am glad that we don't have to take over advantage of her kindness. She has offered to take care of Cayden for free and I am glad we will only be imposing on her kindness a few hours a week.


Our ultimate goal is to have me eventually stay at home with Cayden full time. After we get through the holidays and if (fingers crossed) we get a good tax return or if our (fingers crossed) house gets refinanced I will quit the testing center job and stay at home with the baby all the time.

Our New Mexico Trip

Cayden and I took a trip to New Mexico and it was a blast. We road-triped with my dad. He picked us up last Thursday and we made the 9 hour trek to my parents house in Los Lunas. The trip normally takes 3 hours, but with a baby on board we needed to take extra breaks for feeding, changing and pumping.

I am so very proud of Cayden. He did wonderfully on the trip. He didn't cry at all. He slept the entire time! Cayden never ceases to amaze me--he is such a good little baby. We are so blessed to have such a great baby.

I was so pleased to introduce Cayden to all of my family. I love to show him off and I love to see people's reactions the first time they meet him. Of course, my entire family feel completely in love with him. I was so happy to introduce him to all of my grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles. Cayden also got to meet one of his surrogate Aunt's. My friend Kenna (who lives in L.A.) happened to be in town and she got to meet him as well.

We also took a road trip to Clovis to meet all of Chad's family. Of course Cayden did wonderfully on the trip and everyone in Chad's family loved him. Cayden was a traveling man.

I am so glad that we got to spend some time in New Mexico. We had a fantastic time and Cayden got extra spoiled. The only bummer was that Chad was unable to make the trip with us.

Shots!

We just got back from Cayden's two-month well baby check. He is 10 pounds 8 ounces...what a growing boy.

They gave him 4 shots!!!! My poor baby boy. He is in so much pain right now. It's killing me.

More Cayden Video

Here is a video of Cayden playing with his big cousin Kale and his Grandma Sherri. They are 12 weeks apart and I must say that Cayden is catching up to Kale. The size difference isn't so big anymore.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN5LuR5_3Yk

The Clovis Clan

Cayden got to meet some of Chad's family from Clovis this past week. His grandma Reed and Kerri were in town. They, of course, feel in love with him. How can you not?

We had a great time during his mom's visit. Everytime we have friends or family come into town I know two things are certain. 1) We will have a great time. 2) The time will pass by too quickly.

I never thought I would say this but ever since Cayden was born I have found myself with a strong desire to move back to New Mexico. To go home.

It makes me sad in a really real way that so many of our friends and family have yet to meet Cayden. I want so badly to share this wonderful experience with all of the people that are close to us. Sure, youtube and myspace work wonders, but it isn't the same.

There are many obstacles that would prevent us from moving right now. But still, the desire is there. And I know that our family shares the same sentiment.

At the same time moving back to New Mexico is scary. We have roots here in Phoenix. Roots that create stability for us, yet they also seem to be tying us down. Moving back would be a giant step for us; it's almost like we would be starting all over. But that might not be a bad thing.

It's never to late to start over, right?

Making Friends

Cayden has been spending time making friends and I must admit he is very popular. Last Thursday I went to lunch with some friends from work and, of course, everyone feel in love with him. After lunch I took him to the office to show him off. He had about 10 pretty girls ohhing and ahhing over him--something I am sure he will have to get used to ;)

Later that day I had Bunco (my monthly night with the girls where we play a dice game) and again he was the life of the party. Cayden is quickly becoming the most popular baby in Phoenix.

Cayden was very well behaved during his busy day last week. I shouldn't have been surprised--he is always well behaved.

A few weeks ago he was able to meet one of his surrogate aunts when my friend Kristin drove up from Tucson to spend the night with us. I think Kristin wanted to sneak Cayden home with her in her luggage. I can't wait for Cayden to meet his two other surrogate aunt's, Abby and Kenna.

Cayden will also get to meet his Grandma Reed this weekend. Chad's mom is coming down this weekend and is staying with us for a few days. I am sure Sherri will fall instantly in love with Cayden.

I am also going down to New Mexico during the first week of August. I can't wait for Cayden to meet the rest of my family and maybe another surrogate aunt (wink wink Abby).

Growing Boy

Cayden had a doctor appointment on Monday and I am pleased to announce that he is now 7 pounds 11 ounces. He was born at 6 pounds 5 ounces. He lost some weight after his delievery (as all babies do) and checked in at 5 pounds 15 ounces when he was 3 days old.

I still have a little guy on my hands. He is in the 5th percentile. This means that 95% of all baby boys his age are bigger than him! He is my itty bitty and I love him. They always say good things comes in small packages and Cayden definitely fits that expression.

I know that Cayden will come into his own and grow and cath up with all the other boys his age. And if he doesn't and remains small his whole life so be it. Tall, short, big, small it doesn't matter. There is nothing that could ever make me love Cayden less--I can only love him more.

Cayden Video

Here is a link to a video of Cayden from the 4th of July...enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbbTG-Bzmus

Cayden's 1st 4th

It was the best 4th of July ever this year. Cayden is really good at making any event the best one ever.

My parents were in town and we went to Chad's uncles house for some swimming and relaxing. Linsey, Dustin and baby Kale were also there. Fireworks are outlawed in the state of Arizona so we didn't get to see any night time shows, but with the two babies around who needs fireworks.



Cayden has a great time lounging around the pool. I think he was getting ready for his debut on Baywatch or something because he is really showing off his muscles.





After a long nap it was time for him to wake up. It's hard waking up when your a baby...in fact, waking up makes Cayden tired! I love this picture so much. He looks absolutely adorable.




Cayden needed a dip in the pool. He did so good in the pool. He didn't cry once. I knew he would like it because he always does so good with his baths.





I had a great time lounging in the pool with baby Cayden. It was so much fun, but anything involving Cayden is so much fun.




We needed some relaxation after the long day.

No wonder his new nickname is Cheeks! I love this expression he has on his face in this picture. He makes a million and one different faces and they are all so flipping adorable.

Another one of Cayden's adorable faces. If you have noticed Cayden is in his Boppy Pillow in a lot of the pictures we have of him. Boppy Pillows are lifesavers. I would suggest them to anyone.
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Not All Pumps Are Created Equal

I've had a breakthrough in my breastfeeding adventures. Turns out not all breast pumps are created equal and I was definitely using the wrong one. I bit the bullet and bought a new pump yesterday (the one I should have bought initially) and things are already vastly improving.

Much to my surprise the biggest store specifically designated for breast feeding mothers is right down the street from me. I went to the store and the staff was so helpful and was able to set me up with the *right* breast pump.

Breast feeding so far has been a complete joy and has been completely frustrating. I love nursing Cayden and being close to him and continuing to provide for him. It's so beautiful to nurse him; it's something only I as his mother can do.

However, I had been having supply problems. I simply did not have enough milk production to keep him satisfied. I was having to supplement with formula; which I hated doing. The formula made him spit-up and gave him diaper rash.

At first I wasn't pumping that much milk, but I didn't worry too much about it--it was still early and Cayden didn't need much to keep him full. However, these past couple of weeks I noticed that I wasn't pumping any more milk than I was in the first few day. In fact, some days I would actually pump *less* milk. This did not make for a happy Reed household...Cayden demanding more milk; me making less milk.

I would feel so sorry for poor baby Cayden. He would scream out in hunger and there was nothing I could do for him but give him a formula bottle. I felt like a failure. Why couldn't I provide for my baby? Why couldn't I make enough milk to keep him full? It's amazing how personal breast feeding is.

What I found out yesterday was that the pump I was using (Playtex brand) was sabotaging my supply because its pumping pattern did not mimic a nursing baby--therefore when I pumped there was zero brain chemistry involved telling my body to make more milk because I had a baby that needed to be fed. The pump I bought (Medela brand) actually mimics the nursing pattern of a real baby therefore it tells my brain to make more milk.

I have already noticed a difference. My supply has increased in just 24 hours by 1 ounce at every pumping--which is a lot in the breast feeding world. The staff at the store said I would notice a huge difference in supply by the third day of using the new pump and that I should be able to eliminate all formula within 48 hours. Halejulea!

I definitely learned my lesson. Sometimes you get what you pay for. I should have spent the extra $50 on the really good pump because in the end I had to buy it anyway. I'm just so glad that now baby Cayden will be able to get *all* his food from me--the way it should be.

Cathing Up

I am writing this post on my new laptop; which is one of the main reasons I haven't been dishing about how great baby Cayden is.

While we were in the hospital after I had Cayden our computer got a horrible virus that completely wiped out the hard-drive. So we were forced to buy a new laptop. I wasn't really too happy about spending the money, but we have been needing a new laptop for awhile and our new laptop has a webcam so we can start online chatting with our friends and family.

My parents were able to make another trip out to see us after my aunt's funeral. Both my mom and dad thought it would do them good to get out of Los Lunas for awhile and spend some time with Cayden. Afterall, you can't help but be really happy when you are in Cayden's presence. He is such a light. I am so glad that my mom has something positive to focus on right now during this hard time in her life.

It already seems like Cayden is growing so much. He seems so mature and he is staying awake more and more everyday--I love interacting with him. He is already so strong. He lifts his head and can roll over on his side. We give him "tummy time" everyday and his little legs and arms are getting so super buff. I am no making this up, but this kid already had all kinds of muscle definition. I got a buff baby! He's so awesome.

Mommy & Cayden Time

My mom is back in New Mexico and Chad is back to work. This means that Cayden and I have been spending our days by ourselves. It has been absolutely blissful. While I desperately miss my parents and Chad, spending time with Cayden and bonding with him has been delightful.

When my mom went back to New Mexico on Sunday I was a bit apprehensive to be by myself with baby Cayden. I didn't know if I was ready to take care of him all on my own. I have actually surprised myself and adapted very well.

It feels so natural and right to be at home taking care of my baby. I find the stay at home role to fit me perfectly. My days are never dull and I find myself surprisingly busy. Cayden keeps me on my toes.

I can't take all the credit for having such an easy transition into motherhood; super mom I am not. I have to give most of the credit to Cayden. He is *so* easy to take care of. He never gives me any trouble. He hardly ever cries and is so easy going. Getting to take care of him is such a joy and blessing. I look forward to taking care of him the rest of my life.

My Two Sons

I would love to spend this post talking about how wonderfully Buster has adapted to baby Cayden. However, that isn't the case. And it isn't because of anything that Buster has done. Sadly to say it's my fault. I haven't given Buster the opportunity to get to know Cayden and accept him.

I have a fear and a mistrust for Buster and I don't know where it is coming from. I know that by keeping Cayden and Buster separate from each other it will only make Buster grow resentful and jealous of Cayden. However, I can't help myself. The minute I held Cayden I swore I would do anything to protect him. I just don't know why I feel that I need to protect him from Buster.

Buster is super courious about Cayden too. He just stares at him. I wonder what he thinks. I wonder if he is trying to protect his baby brother. I wonder if he sees him as a toy. I wonder if he sees him as a t-bone.

We haven't completely kept them separate. We just haven't integrated our two sons as much as I thought we would have. Buster has had opportunities to sniff Cayden and be near him while we hold him and feed him. Buster still sleeps in our bed at night and is inside most of the day. He just isn't getting the attention he used to. I feel bad admitting this, but I can go the whole day without even petting Buster. I am just so consumed by Cayden right now. I want to spend every single second with him.

Buster isn't completely alone. My parents have their dog, Pepper, at our house. They brought her down so that she could keep Buster company. So far she is doing a good job. They play and keep each other entertained most of the day. Chad gives Buster attention when he gets home from work, but still, it must be hard on Buster to get cast aside the way he has.

It's just that *everything* changes when you bring a child into this world. I have always said that I loved Buster like my own child, but Cayden actually is my own child. Cayden isn't *like* my son; he *is* my son.

I know that everything is still new and that everyone is still getting settled. I am confident that in time we will be one happy family of four.

What A Good Boy

Chad and I have been blessed with such a good little boy. He is absolutely perfect in every way. I simply can not get enough of him. He is so well behaved and so peaceful. He is laying next to me as I type this and he is an absolute angel. I love him so much is makes my heart ache.

I am not exhausted and sleep deprived like most new parents. Cayden actually lets me get sleep at night. He only wakes up to be feed and get a diaper change; I usually do this twice a night. He doesn't wake up screaming either. He calmly wakes up and makes a few whimpers and I go to him and he instantly calms.

He is happy in any situation. He is happy when he's being held and happy when he is put in his bassinet. He will gladly breast fed and gladly take the bottle. He is not picky or fussy at all. He doesn't mind diaper or clothing changes. I simply can not get over what a good little baby Cayden is. He is such an absolute delight to be around.

I was so impressed that he was able to latch on so quickly. He took to breast feeding like a fish takes to water. I love breast feeding Cayden. I love being able to provide for him outside the womb like I provided for him while he was inside me.

The minute I held him in my arms I knew that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I have the worlds biggest crush on him. I love everything about him. I can't stop showering him with kisses. I can't wait to watch him grow. It's going to be magical.

Cut Short

I put my mom on a plane this morning back to New Mexico. It wasn't the plan I had when I went to bed last night. It wasn't the plan anyone had when they went to bed last night. My mom was supposed to stay with me and enjoy Cayden until she went back to work the beginning of July.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always follow our plans; instead it throws us curve balls and we are taken places we never expected to be. My mom's baby sister, Patricia, past away last night. She was only 32 years old. Her birthday would have been this Saturday.

This past week has been the most joyous of my life...of all our lives. Now we are facing a dark cloud over the delight of baby Cayden. I have so many emotions inside of me that I feel I may burst.

All I want to do is enjoy my baby and keep myself in the cocoon of utopia that is been the last 9 days. Yet, I ache. I ache for my mom. I ache for my aunt. I ache for myself. I am so sad that I will never see her again. I am so sad she will never get to meet Cayden.

I don't know when the funeral services will be. I don't know if I will even be able to make it. I don't know if I can take Cayden traveling so far while he is still so little. I have a doctor's appointment for him tomorrow and I will ask the doctor if I am able to take him on the long road trip.

I will hate myself if I can't make it. I want so badly to be there for my mom. Yet, I can't leave Cayden. I have to be here and take care of him. It's times like these that I wish we didn't live so far away.

My mom's trip was cut short. My aunt's life was cut short.

Nurses

I would like to give a shout out to the nursing staff at Chandler Regional Hospital. They were simply wonderful. I had two nurses during my labor and delivery. Both of these women were wonderful, helpful, encouraging and genuine.

The first nurse Julie was present during the contractions and the administration of the epidural. She kept telling me that I was doing a fantastic job and helped keep me strong. She didn't have any children (I am sure us pregnant women have scared her too much!), but she did have fur-babies. Julie was no nice to the entire family and made sure every one, not just me, was comfortable the entire time.

Julie's shift was over at 7am. After her shift was over we were introduced to Diana. She was the nurse who was with me during Cayden's delivery. She did a fantastic job. She played a more active role in the delivery of Cayden that the doctor did.

I was actually surprised how much the doctor *wasn't* involved. The doctor broke my water, left, and came back into the room once Cayden began to crown. After the delivery he gave me some stitches and was off again.

Diana was with me during the entire labor process. She was there for all the pushing and helped me after the delivery get on my feet and get myself cleaned up. She was so kind and caring.

The nurse we had in the recovery room was awesome. She was an older lady and also a lactation consultant. She helped get Cayden to latch on properly. She was strict, but she got results. She would strip him down to his diaper, wake him up and shove my boob in his mouth. It was actually startling to watch, but after a few attempts Cayden took to the boob like a fish to water.

I am so pleased with all the care and attention we received from the nurses at Chandler Regional. They made our labor and delievery experience so special and memorable.

Greatest Invention Ever

I used to think that Tivo was the greatest invention of all time. I now stand corrected. Tivo is the second greatest invention ever...next to the epidural. I honestly don't know how I would have survived labor and delivery without the help of the epidural. I think I would have ended up having a c-section.

I know there are a lot of opinions out there regarding the use of medication during labor, however, I feel that everyone is entitled to their own birthing process. The epidural was part of my birthing process. I knew before I went into labor that I was going to get the epidural. The epidural allowed me to *enjoy* the process and I am thankful for that.

The pain was unbearable; indescribable. I couldn't stand the pain and I started breaking down mentally. As soon as the epidural was administered I felt instant relief and I was able to focus on the joy of Cayden being born rather than the pain associated with his birth.

The epidural allowed me to rest and gain strength for the delivery. My delivery started at night and I didn't actually deliver until the following morning. I can't imagine having been up for over 24 hours, several of them being in dire pain and then try to push baby Cayden out.

I respect every one's right to their own personal labor plan, this was *my* plan. All I can say is this: Cayden certainly did not appear to be all drugged up when he was born. He was wide eyed and alert; extremely interactive.

Also, Cayden had *zero* trouble latching on. Some people believe that babies have a difficult time latching on if their mothers had an epidural. Cayden latched on the first time they brought him to my breast. I haven't had one problem getting him to stay latched either.

Coach of the Year

I am officially naming Chad coach of the year. Not just pregnancy coach of the year, but all encompassing including football, basketball, baseball and any other type of coach of the year. He was amazing. I simply could not have handled labor and delivery without his love and support; they were tremendous, monumental and priceless.

He was by my side every second of the entire process. He painstakingly watched the contraction monitor for me and guided me through each and every one of my painful contractions. He would prepare me for when a contraction was about to begin, let me know when the contraction had reached its peak and let me know as the contraction was subsiding.

While there were times of intense pain and displeasure I've never felt closer to Chad than in those desperate moments. It was a very intimate experience. There was a lot of eye contact, kissing, hugging and holding hands. I never felt the urge to yell at him or call him names; instead we said, "I love you," about a million times. I only wanted to be closer to him. His physical and emotional presence helped me through all the pain and fear.

He kept me steady during the hard labor. When a long, strong contraction would start he would help me keep my focus. He would say to me, "Look at me. Look at me. Now breathe. Breathe with me." It helped so much.

As a couple I think we are stronger and more secure than ever. It was amazing to experience something so profound with him. He was so encouraging while I was pushing Cayden. I am so glad that he watched Cayden be born. It was beautiful. I can honestly say that we delivered Cayden together.

A Labor of Love

This is how I spent the day before Cayden's arrival:

I spent all of Thursday, June 4th with my parents. We went to eat lunch at Souper Salad. We then went to the mall for a little while (I got a new pair of flip-flops out of the trip). We then went to Wal-Mart to get groceries for the evening and do a little more walking.

After our Wal-Mart trip I came home and laid on the floor with my body pillow--my favorite activity in recent weeks. I started having contractions. I thought to myself, "is this it? Could this really be happening."

Alas, much to my diapointment my contractions stopped. Chad came home from work, we ate dinner and went on yet another walk. After the walk I took a shower. The contractions started again. This time they were closer together and more painful than before.

About 8:00pm we decided it was time to go to the hospital. We packed all of our bags in the car and away we went. We got to the hospital about 8:30 and I was checked into triage. I was asked numerous questions and was put on a couple of different monitors. One monitored the contractions the other monitored Cayden's heart beat. I was examed and I was about 4.5 centimeters dilated. I was instructed to walk and get re-examined 45 minutes later.

It must have been quiet a sight...seeing me (in a hospital gown), Chad and my mom and dad walking up and down the hospital halls. Each contraction was growing stronger and stronger; I couldn't even walk through some of them.

Our 45 minute walk was over and I went back to my triage room. The contractions were now 3 minutes apart and were each about 1 minute long. I was re-examined and had dilated another half centimeter. The nurse called the doctor on duty and asked if I should be admitted.

Much to everyone's surprise the doctor on duty sent me home! I couldn't believe it. None of us could believe it. I was completely frusted. The doctor on duty never even came to see me. I was given a sheet explaning when true and active labor has begun and I was experiencing everything on the sheet! I was frustrated because I didn't know when I should come back.

Feeling completely defeated we headed back home. The drive home was nearly 30 minutes. It was a long and painful drive. Once we got back to the house I was in dire and desperate pain. The contractions were so painful and so long and so frequent. I didn't know what to do.

We only stayed at the house for an hour and Chad took charge and said that it was time to get back to the hospital. We drove (once again) the 30 minutes to the hosptial and re-checked into triage. I was re-hooked up to the monitors and re-examined. I was up to 6 centimeters. The contractions were 30 seconds apart and lasting two minutes long.

This time I was actually admitted into labor and delievery. Chad and I got to the room and the anastegologist was called to administer my epiduarl; which did not come a moment too soon. I was losing my mental focus. I couldn't stand the pain. After the epidural was adminstered I felt immediate relief and had already dilated to 7.5 centimeters.

Progression slowed after the epidural was administered. Luckily I was able to get some rest. I had a long job ahead of me.

About 7:30am I was fully dilated. However, my water hadn't broken. The doctor manually broke my water and we waited about an hour to see if baby Cayden would make his way further down the birthing canal. Around 9am the nurse checked and Cayden had successfully made his way down the entire birthing canal. Now it was time to push.

Chad and my mom were my pushing coaches. They did a wonderful job. I pushed for about 30 minutes and then I had a son. It was the most amazing experience of my entire life. I still can't believe it. Everything with the delievery went perfect. Cayden was born beautiful and healthy and we couldn't be happier to have him.

So, that is it in a very small nut sheel. I still have so much to talk about. I can't wait to share it all.

Happy Birthday Cayden!

Cayden James Reed was born on June 5, 2009 at 9:52 am! He weighed in at 6 pounds 5 ounches and measured 19 inches long.

I can not wait to spend the next few days blogging about the magical day. It was the most amazing experience of my entire life. But for now, I gotta go...baby Cayden is calling to me.

Day by Day

I went to the doctor yesterday. I am almost 4 centimeters dilated. I am still 80% effaced, however, Dr. Moore is expecting me to have the baby by Monday. He scrapped my membranes. Yes, it was as painful as it sounds. He said that it would help start the labor process. So now we are taking things day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

He said that if I don't have Cayden by next Saturday that he would induce labor. I hope to God it doesn't come to that. I really don't want to be induced.

After dinner last night Chad and I took a long walk. I think the walk with the combination of my membranes being scrapped helped get things going. I have been having contractions. They are still about 20-30 minutes apart so no need to go to the hospital just yet.

My parents got into town about 10pm last night. I was thankful we were all able to get some sleep last night. We could have a long day or night ahead of us. Chad is as work right now, but is able to leave at a moments notice.

We have everything packed to take to the hospital. Now I just need to find a way to occupy my mind and time until baby Cayden gets here. I am thinking a walk at the mall will do me some good and maybe I'll score a present or two from my parents. :o)

The contractions have been pretty intense, but bearable. I know things will only continue to get more and more painful. This, obviously, makes me nervous. However, I am also eager to see just how much I can handle. I am really glad at this point that we took the labor classes. It does seem like the breathing techniques we learned help with the pain or at least help relax me. Chad has also been a major help in the pain area. He is very encouraging and rubs my back.

The time is near. Holy cow. A human being will be coming out of my body soon...still amazes me.

FMLA

I am no longer working. I started my FMLA today. Boy, does it feel good. My parents will be here tonight and I want a few days to relax and gather myself before the madness that is Baby Cayden begins.

I want to savor every minute of these next 12 weeks. I can’t believe I will be out of work for that long. I can’t believe I won’t work full time again for at least a year. It’s going to be a big change for me, but I am looking forward to it. I think it is going to be great.

I am not going to miss traffic and boring meetings about meetings and petty people who don’t carry their weight.

Now that I am home I am sure the wait for Cayden will be even more unbearable. I am sure he will come late and I’ll spend the next two weeks pulling my hair out waiting for him to get here.

Single Mothers

Single mothers, whether by choice or not, are amazingly special human beings and I respect them now more than ever. There is no way I ever could have taken this pregnancy journey by myself. I simply am not strong enough.

I have never needed Chad more and for a million different reasons. Not only has he given me all the emotional support I have needed these past 9 months he is now providing the physical support that is more important than ever right now. Picking something off of the floor and getting off the couch or out of bed is more than a challenge these days.

This journey called pregnancy is not an easy one and yet there are women everyday who rise to the challenge without a partner and raise wonderful children. I stand in awe of these women because I know how much I have depended on Chad. Their courage and strength amaze me.

I never really thought about the challenges and triumphs of single mothers. I never realized how much respect they deserve. Then, in our birthing classes, I noticed some women were by themselves. They weren’t victims. They were strong and confident and happy to be welcoming a baby soon. It was amazing to watch.

I would just like to take this moment and applaud all the single mothers out there. Bravo! You take the world’s hardest job and make it look easy.

My Wishes for Chad and I

1-That we remain *continue* to be *passionately* in love with each other
2-We never take each other for granted
3-Our parenting styles complement one another
4-We cherish every moment of Cayden because he will grow so quickly
5-We still find time for each other
6-We don’t forget that we are both new at parenting and forgive miscues
7-That we let others help us when we really need help
8-That we never forget that deciding to spend our lives together was the best decision either of us ever made
9-We teach Cayden to follow most of the rules, break a few and mostly be his own person
10-In fifty years, we look back; knowing we had a great life

My Wishes for Cayden

1-That he is born health
2-He has his dad’s consideration
3-He has his mom’s passion
4-He is strong
5-He is kind
6-That he always feels loved and valued
7-That he finds something he is passionate about and pursues it whole heartedly
8-That he talks to us…about the tough stuff…especially the tough stuff
9-That he always knows his parents love each other very much
10-He one day has a sibling to play with (or pick on)

June Baby

So, it’s officially official Cayden will be born in June. After my doctor appointment last week I was fairly confident that Cayden might be a May baby. However, Cayden has other plans and it’s clear that he will be born when he is good and ready to be born.

My parents will be here either late tonight or mid-day tomorrow. The event is near and everyone is ready. The hurry-up-and-wait process is mentally exhausting. I look for signs of labor everywhere; fully knowing that labor will start when I am least expecting it and at the most inopportune time.

I thought that maybe; just maybe I was going into labor on Saturday. I woke up feeling really crampy and grumpy. Chad and I decided we should spend the weekend doing things that will elude us for awhile once baby gets here (go to a sit-down restaurant and go see a movie).

So, after lunch on Saturday we decided to go see the new movie “Up”. (By the way…”Up” is a truly, truly fantastic movie, 100% entertaining and just as touching). The entire movie I was feeling contractions and feel truly uncomfortable, but still managed to completely enjoy what might be my last cinematic outing for awhile.

After the movie we went home and took a nap; yet another luxury that will elude us once baby Cayden comes to town. Well, contractions woke me up. I thought to myself, “this is it, this is really happening. I can’t believe it.”

They were pretty intense, however, not entirely consistent. I figured we would wait a couple of hours and see how things progressed. Well, after about 45 minutes of pretty intense contractions they completely stopped. Nothing. And I haven’t felt anymore since.

So, that is where we are at. We sit. We wait. I remind myself that my due date isn’t for another 10 days (June 11th). Then I remind myself that I am 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced as of last Wednesday, so what’s the hold up?

I am ready to have my baby. I can feel that my body is getting tired of being pregnant. It takes every ounce of strength and energy I have to get out of a chair or get out of bed in the morning. My feet and hands are swollen beyond belief. The aches, pains and general discomfort are constant. I don’t walk; I waddle. My belly skin itches constantly and I won’t scratch it because I am afraid that if I scratch it stretch marks will suddenly appear. I cannot get full. I am so tired of eating all day everyday and still not feeling full or satisfied.

Oh well, he will be here soon enough and then the real work begins.

Progress

I went to the doctor yesterday and I am making progress in the crazy process known as childbirth. I am up to 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. The doctor said that I could have the baby within the week!

My parents will be here on Monday in anticipation of baby Cayden's arrival. However, if I "feel" like he might come before then they are anxiously awaiting on stand-by and can be here in about 6 hours.

I am still not due for another two weeks so the doctor said that I shouldn't be *trying* to make myself go into labor, but, based on the progress I've made so far a late May/early June delivery is more than a possibility.

He said that if I did want to help labor move forward that I should take a long walk or have sex with Chad; to which I replied: "I think walking will be my only option because my husband is concerned he will hurt the baby; especially after he saw how far down his head was yesterday in the ultrasound."

Dr. Moore simply laughed and said, "All guys think they are going to hurt the baby, but he won't. Trust me, once you get tired of taking long walks you will want to explore the other option."

Dr. Moore always manages to keep things light-hearted and playful. I really like him. I have my fingers crossed that he is on call when I go into labor.

As far as work is concerned I am taking it day by day. Today could be my last day. Tomorrow could be my last day. Who knows. I do know that I will 100% *not* work past June 2nd. I can't believe that, at most, I will only be working another 3 days. It's wild and completely freeing. I can't wait to have 12 weeks off followed by part-time employment.

So, that is the latest scoop. It's all happening. And it seems to be happening fast so stay tuned~!

The Last Ultrasound

I had my last ultrasound yesterday. It’s crazy because it seems like the first ultrasound was only yesterday. I can’t believe how far we’ve all come. During the first ultrasound Cayden was 2 centimeters big and weighed less than an ounce. He looked like nothing more than a tadpole. Even back then, when I was just 8 weeks pregnant he was moving and shaking all about.

His abundance of energy and movement back in week 8 are the characteristics that remain unchanged. Now in week 38 he is a whopping 6 pounds 6 ounces and is nearly 19 inches long. Back in week 8 my pregnancy was visible to no one; now my baby belly is visible from space.

Cayden’s size is perfect. He will likely be 7 pounds; depending on when he decides to greet us. Despite my gestational diabetes he weight is exactly where is should be. He is also extremely low in the birth canal. I got back to the doctor today to see if I have dilated anymore. I feel that I have made progress and that Cayden will be here in the next 4-7 days!

As my pregnancy comes to a close I look back on this adventure with great fondness. It has been magical and priceless. And as I get ready to bring Cayden into this world I feel more like a woman than ever before. It has been the most amazing journey of my life and I know it’s only the beginning.

I remain eternally grateful for all of the people who have supported me and Chad over the past 9 months. The encouragement and excitement we received from so many people only added to the joy we have been experiencing. I look forward to continuing this journey with each and every one of them.

Still Waiting

No baby yet. Cayden is still snuggly bundled inside my belly. I am hoping that he makes his entrance by early next week. I have an ultrasound tomorrow and another doctor appointment tomorrow. At tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment the doctor will check to see if I have made any progress regarding my dilation.

I can tell that labor and delivery will be happening soon. Every day it is more and more apparent that both Cayden and myself are getting uncomfortable. I have been experiencing mild and early contractions and a lot of pressure. My hands and feet are so swollen; they look like pickles. I can’t even wear my wedding ring anymore.

The three day weekend was great. My parents were down and will be back this coming weekend for the long awaited arrival of Cayden. We spent most of our time getting the house ready for Cayden. We cleaned and bought the last few items that he needed.

On Sunday we went to Chad’s uncle’s house for a cook out and swimming. The water was 80 degrees. I typically won’t swim if the water is under 90. However, I made an exception this weekend. I’ve been burning up and I needed the water to help me carry some of the baby weight.

I can’t wait to take Cayden to Jay’s house this summer. It’s going to be absolutely adorable to watch him go swimming. Until then, all I can say is, “Cayden…baby boy…come out and visit us…we can’t wait to meet you.”

Anticipation

After yesterday’s doctor appointment I am more anxious than ever to get the show on the road and have baby Cayden. Chad and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate 2 centimeters dilated! While we were at home Chad had a long talk with his son and encouraged him to come and meet the family as soon as possible. We also spent some time in his nursery telling him all about it and how excited we are to bring him home to his room.

My parents will be here this afternoon for Memorial Day weekend. We are planning on having a cook-out and swim party at Chad’s uncle’s house on Sunday. Linsey and Dustin will be there with baby Kale; this will only add to my eagerness to have Cayden with us.

People at work asked if I was freaked out that the labor process has begun. And you know what? I’m not freaked out or scared in the slightest. I am super excited and pumped that the labor process has begun; even if it does take another two weeks to be complete.

I can’t wait to have Cayden. I think it is going to be a magical and priceless experience and I am so thrilled that Chad and my parents will be there to experience it with me. I can’t wait to write all about it. I am hoping that the hospital has wireless internet so that I can blog updates as they happen. Ohhh, that would be so exciting.

So, the baby’s room is ready. We have everything we need for him to come home. We have our hospital bags packed. Now we are on Cayden’s schedule. We just have to wait for him to be ready to come out into this crazy world.

I know that I am getting a little bit ahead of myself. After all, 2 centimeters is not that much and I am not due for another 3 weeks. But I can’t help myself. I am so ready to hold my baby and feed him and do all sorts of fun things with him.

2 CM!

So the process has begun. I had a doctor’s appointment today and I am officially “a good 2 centimeters dilated”. This means Cayden is on his way and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I was so hoping that I would be a little dilated; honestly I would have been disappointed had I not been making any progress.

I will spare you the details, but the process of finding out if I was dilated was invasive and painful. I am sure it is nothing compared to what I will be feeling once true labor actually begins.

I also asked the doctor about this sharp pain I have been experiencing just below my ribcage and he said it was early contractions. Dr. Moore said that I am making great progress for being a first time mom. I can’t believe it’s all actually happening.

I have another doctor appointment next Wednesday. Dr. Moore will once again check to see if I have made any more dilation progress. I have my last ultrasound next Tuesday. It’s all coming together. These next few weeks are going to be one wild ride.

8 ½ months pregnant + Phoenix = Misery!

Today is the 14th day in a row that the temperature here in the **Valley of the Sun** has crept into triple digits. And it’s only May 19th—which means that we can expect the triple digit temperatures to last another 6 months!

I am sure you are tired of hearing me complain about the heat. I’m tired of hearing myself complain about the heat. But with each passing day I find it more and more difficult to get cool. Air conditioning and cold showers seem to help little.

My wedding ring no longer fits because my hands are so swollen. I had to buy a new pair of shoes on my lunch hour because my feet were so swollen it felt like they were going to explode. My hair is in a perpetual ponytail. I have to apply deodorant several times a day. Nearly all of my maternity shirts have sweat stains on them. I even have to change my underwear at least once a day because I sweat *that* much.

I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and the sheets where I’ve been laying feel like they were just taken out of the dryer or had just been ironed. I’m like a furnace; heat just radiates from me.

I am jealous of polar bears. I am jealous of Eskimos. I am jealous of penguins. I am jealous of hockey players. I am jealous of ice sculptors.

Once I have Cayden I am not planning on leaving the house unless it’s to catch a direct flight to the north pole.

The Last Weekend

This weekend was quite possibly mine and Chad’s last weekend alone together for a long, long time. This coming weekend my parents will be down for Memorial Day and the weekend after that…well, who knows; we could very well have a baby by then. Need-less-to-say we spent every moment we could enveloped in one another; simply enjoying the quiet beauty that is Chad and Melissa.

We took a nice nap yesterday and as we both drifted off to sleep, enjoying both the silence and comfort of one another, I wanted to hold onto the moment for as long as I could. While I look forward to expanding our family more than anything I know that I remain blissfully unaware of exactly how much this little life will changes our lives.

Chad and I have been together for so long; have been alone for so long. We don’t live near close friends or family. While Chad does have an uncle and sister in Arizona our visits with them remain far and few between. Our time is spent alone and that’s always been a preference.

I want more than anything to hold onto the dynamic that is our relationship, the dynamic that has worked so beautifully for so long. I find that my biggest fear isn’t the challenge of raising Cayden, but rather the drastic change it could mean to my relationship with my husband.

Yet, I remain faithful that this change will only serve to strengthen and grow mine and Chad’s love for one another and I look forward to what is yet to come. I remain faithful that over the past six years we have built a sturdy and strong foundation and no amount of exhaustion and dirty diapers can weaken what we have built.

A Dream Come True?

So, in the past 4 days I have had 2 friends have dreams that I had Cayden. Is this a sign of things to come? Will he really be here sooner rather than later?

At my doctor's appointment yesterday the doctor said that Cayden was head down and had already descended into the birth canal. Next week he will check to see if I have dilated at all.

Fingers crossed that Cayden gets a May birthday. I am so anxious to meet him.

I Feel Great!

So, these past few days I have been feeling great; better than I’ve felt in weeks. I’ve been feeling let’s go out and run a marathon great. This is a drastic departure from what I had been feeling the last few weeks. I was in panic mode because I honestly felt like I couldn’t be pregnant another second. Now I don’t even feel pregnant.

This past Saturday I thought I was going to have a panic attack because I was feeling so overwhelming pregnant. *Everything* hurt. I felt so much pressure and cramping in my belly and I thought I was going to collapse under the weight of my belly. I really didn’t know how I was going to survive the next 4 weeks or so.

Then all of a sudden I just started to feel better; *much* better. It started Sunday when we were putting together the nursery. I got this sudden burst of energy and my body didn’t hurt as bad. Then Monday, Tuesday and today things seem to be better than ever.

I don’t feel tired. My back and legs are no longer achy. I don’t feel any pressure or cramping in my belly. My feet and hands aren’t swollen. Cayden’s kicks are delightful instead of painful. I don’t feel like I weight a metric ton.

I don’t know what is causing the sudden change. All I know is that it is a welcome change and I am once again loving every second of my pregnancy. Thanks goodness because I don’t know how Chad and I would have mentally handled another 4 weeks of my misery.

Chad thinks that I suddenly feel so much better because I am going to be having Cayden soon—real soon. Maybe? Who know? Perhaps I just feel so much better because I don’t have the pressure of an unfinished nursery on my shoulders.

I’ve had some people at work tell me that it looks like I’ve “dropped”. Honestly, I was thinking the same think; looking in the mirror Cayden looks awfully low. Perhaps he has dropped into a more comfortable position for the both of us.

Maybe I will be having him soon. That would be delightful. I can’t wait to have him with us. It seems like we have been waiting forever. And even if it does take another 4 weeks (instead of 2 like I am hoping) I am very thankful that I am getting a few days of relieve from the discomfort that is 8 months pregnant.

I have a doctor's appointment today. I can't wait to see how it goes.

At Long Last…The Nursery!

We proudly introduce our baby boy's room. I love it. Thanks to Chad for doing a complete remodel on the room and putting everything together.


Chad getting everything set up


Trying to get everything organized...what a mess! Baby Boy Cayden already has so much stuff!


All set...just add baby


Can't wait to bring Cayden home to his room


I love how everything turned out...it's perfect!


The enormous belly at 35 and a half weeks!

Mother’s Day

My un-official Mother’s Day was awesome. Chad and I spent most of the day putting Cayden’s room together. We now officially have a nursery to bring our baby boy home to! It feels *so* good to have this accomplished. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

The room looks amazing. I will probably post some pictures tomorrow. Every time I walk by the room I just have to stop and take a moment to soak it all in. I can’t believe it’s all actually happening. In a month, or less, we will have our baby boy with us.

It took Chad less time to put the crib together than it did for me to take all the clothes and blankets out of their packages and remove the tags. Chad was ready to put the bedding on the crib and I was still snipping tiny tags off all of Cayden’s clothes. In my defense, Cayden has a ton of clothes and Chad is a great handy-man.

I did lots of baby laundry yesterday; practice for the future. It’s so adorable to be folding tiny onesies, bibs, booties and mittens. Cayden has so many clothes, yet they don’t take up that much room. We are all ready for Cayden; now we just have to wait for him to be ready for us.

Chad also took me out to a Mother’s Day dinner. We went to our favorite Italian restaurant in town. I was very indulgent and I got the veggie lasagna. It was delicious and I enjoyed every single last bite of it. And even better for me my blood sugars didn’t shoot through the roof either; they stayed in the normal range.

Perhaps my favorite part of the whole day…Chad gave me a much needed body massage. My body is starting to get a bit achy these days.

Probably No; Not Definitely No

Well, today I met with Kim to discuss my FMLA and possible return to work options. Our department director, Jean, was not part of the meeting. It was just me and Kim talking freely, honestly and openly about my future, my wants and the possibility of it all.

I told her that in my heart I want to stay home and take care of Cayden, however, my bank account doesn’t exactly accommodate my hearts desires. I told her that if I ruled the world I would either work from home a few days a week or work part time.

She said that the decision was not hers to make, but rather rested in the hands of our department direction, Jean, and our campus director Craig. She did tell me that the possibility of either did not seem promising. She said that neither of them was willing to let her, even in her unique situation, work from home or part time.

She said that my best bet would be to make a proposal to submit to Jean and Craig and let them decide from there. She wants me to outline what I would do at home or part time, how I would accomplish it, what resources I would need and reasons why it would be successful.

So, that’s where it stands. Not a definite no, but a probably no. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by this news. I still have one last option to fall back on and that’s working in our testing center part time. I just don’t know if working in the testing center would be enough to keep us afloat financially.

If I work in the testing center and we use savings to make up for the financial short fall I could most definitely stay at home for about a year. However, we would be strapped; extremely strapped; scary strapped. And I just don’t know if I want to live my life like that. It seems unfair to all three of us.

Plus, my intentions were never to use all of our savings just so I can stay home and be with Cayden. On one hand: what better way to spend that money than taking care of my child. On the other hand: it is selfish of us to blow through all that money when we can just as easily put him into daycare.

I wish it was an easy decision. I wish it was an easy situation. I, once again, find myself wishing I had an answer; wishing I knew what we were going to do. I hate the uncertainty of it all. Yet, I know that I am not alone in my dilemma. I know I would not be the first mother to put her child in daycare when she didn’t want to. I know I would not be the first mother who heads back to work with a heavy heart and a guilty conscious.

I wanted the title of this blog to be “I have the best job ever!” But things never seem to work out quite the way I would like them to. And I selfishly and immaturely feel that I am being cheated out of something I deserve.

New Carpet for a New Life

We got our new carpet installed yesterday! So Buster now officially needs to get a job so that he can pay us back. Actually, I have officially forgiven Buster for ruining the carpet in the first place and we have moved on. I trust him again. However, if he does resort back to his old evil ways there will be dire consequences.

It’s so nice having carpet that isn’t full of Buster stains. It’s new and clean and I love it. I rolled around on the living room floor yesterday when it was still empty. We only installed carpet in two rooms of the house; the living room and Cayden’s room. Cayden’s carpet matches the rest of the house; while the living room got an upgraded; much nicer carpet.

I took the whole day off yesterday since the carpet was getting installed and because a plumber came to our house to fix a leaking faucet in our backyard. I must admit it was absolute bliss to be at home. I loved it.

I am so looking forward to being at home with Cayden and taking care of him, the house and Chad. I never thought I would be the type of woman to enjoy that kind of lifestyle; but suddenly it’s all I want to do.

I am meeting with my manager and director tomorrow to discuss my return to work options. They both have said to me that they support any decision I make and that they want me to be able to devote myself to Cayden.

Right now, there are 3 options I am going to discuss with them and depending on their input I will have a for sure decision in less than 24 hours and that will be such a huge relieve. Option 1: Work from home. Option 2: Work part time. Option 3: Go to another department and work part time (this has already been offered to me; I just have to accept).

I would prefer Option 1 or 2 because it would mean more money and I don’t really want to leave my department. I am confident that I can work out one of these options with my director and manager. I know they will do anything they can to help me and I am totally thankful for that.

Buster Update

I write this hesitantly, but I feel that Buster has turned a new leaf and I feel that I can once again trust him. I admit that I give him far more credit than any one dog deserves, but I still feel that he has had a mental revelation and now chooses to be a good dog.

It happened about two weeks ago and it appears to be a change that happened overnight. One day he was just different—like he turned 30 in doggie years and decided it was time to grow up. He seems calmer, more relaxed, not so needy and anxious. He seems mature and refined.

I can’t exactly describe the change. I can only really sense it. The one change I can describe is Buster’s reaction when we come home from work. He would usually be very excited to see us; overly excited. He would howl and whimper and jump incessantly until he was picked up. It would take him forever to calm down from this fury he worked himself into and if you ignored him there was trouble.

Now. Well, now, he is still extremely excited to see us, but he is more calm and relaxed. I get the feeling that in his mind he is saying, “I’m glad you are home. I am happy to see you. I wanted to be picked up and I would love attention, however, I will wait for it.”

He hasn’t gone to the bathroom in the house for weeks either. Now this is not to say that I am going to give him free range when we get our new carpet installed. But I do feel that I don’t have to watch him every second he is in the house.

I think Buster has come to terms with his future and he is now choosing to embrace his role as big brother rather than act out against it. I think he knows that behaving well will only serve to better and enhance his life and that acting out will only make his life miserable. Tell me…am I giving him too much credit?

I don’t know the mental reasoning behind any of it; I just know that Buster seems better behaved and more grown up than he did a few weeks ago. Whatever the reason behind it I’m thankful. I am now looking forward to being one big happy family.

Carbs… I Miss Them…

Spaghetti, ice cream, coke, bread, chips, candy bars, cereal…it turns out the best things in life contain massive amounts of carbs. Since I have gestational diabetes carbs have to be limited; especially non-complex carbs like regular spaghetti and soda.

Every day is a struggle. I haven’t had spaghetti since my anniversary…more than two weeks ago. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without eating spaghetti. It’s hard, harder than I thought it would be. I *want* all the bad stuff so badly I can’t stand it sometimes. My whole life has been a diet of nothing but carbs so making this transition is painful.

I hate reading food labels. I hate looking up nutritional information before going to a restaurant. I hate feeling like I am being *controlled* by this. Ever since I found out I feel like time is standing still. Before, my pregnancy was flying by; now it seems like the minutes are ticking by…tick-tock-tick-tock.

The other day I wanted an afternoon snack and Chef Boyardee sounded especially delicious. I got a small can out of our pantry and checked the food label…30 grams of carbs. The carb content was high but I had been good all week and I’m pregnant I deserve to indulge a little bit. I then realized it was 30 grams of carbs *per serving* and there were 2 servings in the tiny can…so a total of 60 grams of carbs. Afternoon snacks should be no more than 15 grams.

I hung my head in defeat and put the can back. I wanted to cry. All I could think to myself was, “it’s not fair.” After all, I’m pregnant I should be able to eat whatever I want. Isn’t that one of the perks?

I hate to be a complainer and I remain thankful that this is the only hiccup in my entire pregnancy, but I would be a liar face if I didn’t admit to how hard of a struggle it is to avoid foods that taste the most delicious to me.

I just have to be strong for a little while longer—6 weeks. After all having Cayden be a healthy weight and being able to deliver him naturally is my number one priority.

The Results Are In…

I hate it when this happens, but Chad was right. He totally pegged baby Cayden’s weight. He was only off by an ounce. Cayden is 4 pounds 9 ounces. He is in the 50% percentile for his age—talk about normal. The ultrasound tech said that depending on when he is born Cayden will likely weigh between 7 pounds and 7 ½ pounds.

The ultrasound tech also said that she didn’t see any possibility of Cayden growing large because of my gestational diabetes. I was really relieved to hear this. However, I will still probably have about two more ultrasounds before my due date to check his weight.

Cayden is super adorable and completely entertaining already. He was sucking on his fingers yesterday—getting lots of practice in for when it’s time to breastfeed. He was going to town on them too. He would suck and suck and then stop take a huge yawn and start sucking all over again. I couldn’t stop laughing.

He is already head down too. So he is ready to make his way into the world. I’m glad that he is already in a good position. Some ladies in my birthing class their babies are breech and they are having to do all kinds of painful procedures to try and get the baby to turn.

Oh yeah…get this. Cayden already has hair! I could see it floating in the amniotic fluid yesterday. How flipping cool is that. I can’t wait to spike it.

Last night was also the last night of our birthing classes. I am honestly amazed at how quickly these past four weeks have gone by. So we are technically prepared for labor and delivery; yet so much of it remains a mystery. We know the signs to look for and when to go to the hospital; but when and where it will happen all remains locked in secrecy. It’s pretty exciting…like a great big surprise and I can’t wait!

Ultrasound Today

I get to see Cayden today! I have an ultrasound at 2pm. I am so excited. It's been a really long time since I've had an ultrasound--like two months.

I can't wait to see how much he's grown and changed over the past weeks. I am particularly interested to see how much he weighs. Chad and I have a bet going on about his weight.

I am guessing he weighs 5 and 1/4 pounds. Chad is guessing he weighs 4 and 1/2 pounds. He feels like he weighs 15 pounds!

His weight is a very important factor since I have gestational diabetes. While, I want a big healthy baby I certainly do not want him to get *too* big; which a main concern in mothers with gestational diabetes.

I am also very interested to see what position he is in. I am guessing, from his movements, that he is already in the head down position. I would be extremely surprised if his head was anywhere above my belly button.

The only bummer is that Chad can't make it. But I can't wait to tell him all about it. And I will be posting pics of his latest photo shoot as soon as I can.

The Top Ten Things I Am Looking to…

1-Delivering Cayden—it’s going to be magical

2-Seeing Chad hold him for the first time

3-Baby toes

4-Baths

5-Giggles and grins

6-Seeing both myself and Chad in him

7-Snuggle time…(trip coddles, according to Chad; and if Buster is with us…quad cods)

8-Breastfeeding

9-Letting go of selfishness

10-Watching him grow…

Almost Ready

With each passing day it becomes more and more evident that Cayden will be with us shortly. He seems to grow stronger and more active by the second. My belly seems to be occupying more and more space these days and the aches and pains of pregnancy are more pronounced with each passing moment.

Our (what seemed like never-ending) quest to be ready for Cayden is finally coming to a close. The nursery is near complete and that gives me a sense of relief and accomplishment beyond description. I want to take this moment to applaud Chad for the hard work and dedication he put into our baby boy’s room. It is simply beautiful and I cannot wait to show our little bundle what a great job his daddy did.

Chad is done with his part of the re-model. We finally decided on the type of flooring we wanted for the room and are going to have carpet installed. We are now just waiting on Home Depot to get the carpet delivered and installed. The carpet should be installed in about a week or so. Once that is complete it will be time for decorating—the fun and (luckily for us) quick part.

We have everything we needed for the baby room. In fact, we have just about everything we need for Cayden in general. There are just a few necessity items that we are lacking, but they will be purchased soon.

I also feel that Chad and I are mentally ready for Cayden and the enormous responsibility and joys that come with him. Still, I can’t quiet imagine how different things will be in the Reed household once Cayden gets home. I look forward to learning as we go and establishing routines, rules and a sense of family.

So I am ready. Chad is ready. The rest of the family is ready. His room is almost ready. Now we just need to allow Cayden to be ready to enter this world. It’s going to be great.

Sizzle

Yesterday was the first 100 degree day here in the Valley. The first 100+ day is always the hardest. It comes out of nowhere and hits you like a tons of bricks. Eventually you get used to the blazing weather and 100 degrees is a welcome in mid-July when temperatures usually hover around 115.

The heat is only adding to my discomfort. I am getting bigger by the day. And when I say “bigger” I mean *bigger*. It’s kind of scary. People ask me if I am about to go into labor. I don’t think Cayden is enjoying the heat to much either. I have the distinct feeling that he is also uncomfortable. I keep joking that all I need to do is add potatoes and carrots and make a nice stew out of him!

I just hope these next 5-7 weeks pass by quickly. Luckily for me, Jay’s pool is almost 80 degrees; perfect swimming water. I can’t wait to start taking afternoon dips to cool off and get some help carrying this baby around.

The air conditioning is in full use again. I am not looking forward to our electricity bill. We never stopped using the ceiling fan because I am a naturally hot person and it’s never really that cool here in Arizona. But now we are using the ceiling fan, air conditioning and another fan and it’s *still* hot for me.

I thank Chad in advance for putting up with my complaining over the next few weeks. It will get hotter by the day; I will continue to get bigger by the day and that is a horrible combination. I’m just thankful that all the discomfort and uncontrollable sweating is all for something totally worth it…Cayden.

New Doctor

I know I wrote a while back that I didn’t like my current doctor. Well, I recently started seeing a new doctor, Dr. Moore. I like Dr. Moore a lot more than Dr. Eich. Dr. Moore is *a lot* more personable than Dr. Eich. He takes more time with our appointments and genuinely seems to care. He is patient and answers all of my questions and even spends time asking his own questions.

He even gave me a great referral to a pediatrician. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to pick one out…just throw a dart at the phone book and hope for the best. I asked him if he had any recommendations and his response was, “I have 4 kids. We take them to Dr. Smith at Mesa Peds. We really like him. Try him.”

I am definitely taking Cayden to Dr. Smith at Mesa Peds. If he’s good enough for a doctor’s kid then he is good enough for my kid. I was truly thankful for the referral. Especially since Dr. Smith is located so close to my house.

There is only 1 drawback to Dr. Moore. It might not even be a drawback. I really don’t know how to describe it. Dr. Moore is *young* and *attractive*. It’s like having Dr. Derrick Sheppard in the room with me. He’s got very dark hair and very blue eyes…a great, great combination. I’m going to end up like Kerri Russell in the movie Waitress (watch this flick if you haven’t already). Ahhh…Dr. Moore….my very own McDreamy.

Overall, I am really excited I decided to make the switch. I feel more comfortable and more at ease. I feel the rest of my doctor appointments will be a lot more enjoyable.

Refinancing Update

Wells Fargo finally got up-to-date with the new law passed by President Obama to help homeowners like myself re-finance their homes. We started filling out paperwork this week. It’s a long process. The application is forever long and Wells Fargo needs so much information from us. I’m surprised they aren’t asking for a DNA sample.

There was less to do when we initially bought the house…imagine that?!?! Maybe that’s why the country is currently facing a housing crisis.

We should have everything completed and turned in by Monday. I hope it doesn’t take long to find out if we are approved or not. There is a lot at stake regarding this re-finance. If the house does re-finance that means we are one step closer to being in a place where I could quit my job and stay home and take care of Baby Cayden. If the house doesn’t re-finance…game over; I will for sure be returning to work.

I think I am most anxious to just finally know and have everything settled.

What a Day

Yesterday was a full spectrum event for me. In the morning I attended Zoey’s funeral services and the afternoon was spent with my Chadders celebrating our two year anniversary.

Zoey’s funeral services were exactly as I expected them to be; moving, difficult and emotional. I was again reminded what a strong and beautiful couple Kim and Dan are. They both put on brave faces and held back tears; which was more than what most people, including myself, could manage.

Kim and Dan were the first two people I saw when I entered the church. Their presence took my breath away a little bit. I wasn’t expecting to see them up close. I wasn’t prepared to look Kim in the eye. She looked beautiful; it radiates from her. She was wearing a brown and white dress and he was wearing a tan suit. They looked better than anyone in their situation could possibly look.

There was no casket; simply a picture of Zoey and some items from her nursery. There was 82 candles lit during the service; one to represent each day of her life. Kim and Dan re-lit her baptism candle and 82 people were given smaller candles to light off the candle Kim and Dan were holding. The smaller candles were then placed in the center of the church.

This was such a beautiful and touching sentiment. I was given one of the 82 candles. I barely maintained my composure as I lit my candle off of Kim and Dan’s. Kim stayed strong the entire time. She was shaking like a leaf, but she maintained and didn’t let one tear slid down her face.

After the service I briefly talked to them again and headed home to Chad who was waiting for me.

We went to a late lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. It was delicious. I splurged and forgot all about my gestational diabetes. I ate whatever I wanted. I had spaghetti and meat sauce and finished the meal with a slice of Turtle Cheesecake that was sinfully delicious.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at home, relaxing, cuddling and even taking a nap. Chad bought me the “What to Expect During the First Year” book. It’s over 700 pages. So I imagine my reading needs will be taken care for awhile.

I can’t believe Chad and I have already been married two years and been together for six. I haven’t grown weary of him yet. In fact, I find myself enjoying, loving and needing him more and more each day. I imagine that my heart will burst when I see him hold Cayden for the first time.