Progress

I went to the doctor yesterday and I am making progress in the crazy process known as childbirth. I am up to 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced. The doctor said that I could have the baby within the week!

My parents will be here on Monday in anticipation of baby Cayden's arrival. However, if I "feel" like he might come before then they are anxiously awaiting on stand-by and can be here in about 6 hours.

I am still not due for another two weeks so the doctor said that I shouldn't be *trying* to make myself go into labor, but, based on the progress I've made so far a late May/early June delivery is more than a possibility.

He said that if I did want to help labor move forward that I should take a long walk or have sex with Chad; to which I replied: "I think walking will be my only option because my husband is concerned he will hurt the baby; especially after he saw how far down his head was yesterday in the ultrasound."

Dr. Moore simply laughed and said, "All guys think they are going to hurt the baby, but he won't. Trust me, once you get tired of taking long walks you will want to explore the other option."

Dr. Moore always manages to keep things light-hearted and playful. I really like him. I have my fingers crossed that he is on call when I go into labor.

As far as work is concerned I am taking it day by day. Today could be my last day. Tomorrow could be my last day. Who knows. I do know that I will 100% *not* work past June 2nd. I can't believe that, at most, I will only be working another 3 days. It's wild and completely freeing. I can't wait to have 12 weeks off followed by part-time employment.

So, that is the latest scoop. It's all happening. And it seems to be happening fast so stay tuned~!

The Last Ultrasound

I had my last ultrasound yesterday. It’s crazy because it seems like the first ultrasound was only yesterday. I can’t believe how far we’ve all come. During the first ultrasound Cayden was 2 centimeters big and weighed less than an ounce. He looked like nothing more than a tadpole. Even back then, when I was just 8 weeks pregnant he was moving and shaking all about.

His abundance of energy and movement back in week 8 are the characteristics that remain unchanged. Now in week 38 he is a whopping 6 pounds 6 ounces and is nearly 19 inches long. Back in week 8 my pregnancy was visible to no one; now my baby belly is visible from space.

Cayden’s size is perfect. He will likely be 7 pounds; depending on when he decides to greet us. Despite my gestational diabetes he weight is exactly where is should be. He is also extremely low in the birth canal. I got back to the doctor today to see if I have dilated anymore. I feel that I have made progress and that Cayden will be here in the next 4-7 days!

As my pregnancy comes to a close I look back on this adventure with great fondness. It has been magical and priceless. And as I get ready to bring Cayden into this world I feel more like a woman than ever before. It has been the most amazing journey of my life and I know it’s only the beginning.

I remain eternally grateful for all of the people who have supported me and Chad over the past 9 months. The encouragement and excitement we received from so many people only added to the joy we have been experiencing. I look forward to continuing this journey with each and every one of them.

Still Waiting

No baby yet. Cayden is still snuggly bundled inside my belly. I am hoping that he makes his entrance by early next week. I have an ultrasound tomorrow and another doctor appointment tomorrow. At tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment the doctor will check to see if I have made any progress regarding my dilation.

I can tell that labor and delivery will be happening soon. Every day it is more and more apparent that both Cayden and myself are getting uncomfortable. I have been experiencing mild and early contractions and a lot of pressure. My hands and feet are so swollen; they look like pickles. I can’t even wear my wedding ring anymore.

The three day weekend was great. My parents were down and will be back this coming weekend for the long awaited arrival of Cayden. We spent most of our time getting the house ready for Cayden. We cleaned and bought the last few items that he needed.

On Sunday we went to Chad’s uncle’s house for a cook out and swimming. The water was 80 degrees. I typically won’t swim if the water is under 90. However, I made an exception this weekend. I’ve been burning up and I needed the water to help me carry some of the baby weight.

I can’t wait to take Cayden to Jay’s house this summer. It’s going to be absolutely adorable to watch him go swimming. Until then, all I can say is, “Cayden…baby boy…come out and visit us…we can’t wait to meet you.”

Anticipation

After yesterday’s doctor appointment I am more anxious than ever to get the show on the road and have baby Cayden. Chad and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate 2 centimeters dilated! While we were at home Chad had a long talk with his son and encouraged him to come and meet the family as soon as possible. We also spent some time in his nursery telling him all about it and how excited we are to bring him home to his room.

My parents will be here this afternoon for Memorial Day weekend. We are planning on having a cook-out and swim party at Chad’s uncle’s house on Sunday. Linsey and Dustin will be there with baby Kale; this will only add to my eagerness to have Cayden with us.

People at work asked if I was freaked out that the labor process has begun. And you know what? I’m not freaked out or scared in the slightest. I am super excited and pumped that the labor process has begun; even if it does take another two weeks to be complete.

I can’t wait to have Cayden. I think it is going to be a magical and priceless experience and I am so thrilled that Chad and my parents will be there to experience it with me. I can’t wait to write all about it. I am hoping that the hospital has wireless internet so that I can blog updates as they happen. Ohhh, that would be so exciting.

So, the baby’s room is ready. We have everything we need for him to come home. We have our hospital bags packed. Now we are on Cayden’s schedule. We just have to wait for him to be ready to come out into this crazy world.

I know that I am getting a little bit ahead of myself. After all, 2 centimeters is not that much and I am not due for another 3 weeks. But I can’t help myself. I am so ready to hold my baby and feed him and do all sorts of fun things with him.

2 CM!

So the process has begun. I had a doctor’s appointment today and I am officially “a good 2 centimeters dilated”. This means Cayden is on his way and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I was so hoping that I would be a little dilated; honestly I would have been disappointed had I not been making any progress.

I will spare you the details, but the process of finding out if I was dilated was invasive and painful. I am sure it is nothing compared to what I will be feeling once true labor actually begins.

I also asked the doctor about this sharp pain I have been experiencing just below my ribcage and he said it was early contractions. Dr. Moore said that I am making great progress for being a first time mom. I can’t believe it’s all actually happening.

I have another doctor appointment next Wednesday. Dr. Moore will once again check to see if I have made any more dilation progress. I have my last ultrasound next Tuesday. It’s all coming together. These next few weeks are going to be one wild ride.

8 ½ months pregnant + Phoenix = Misery!

Today is the 14th day in a row that the temperature here in the **Valley of the Sun** has crept into triple digits. And it’s only May 19th—which means that we can expect the triple digit temperatures to last another 6 months!

I am sure you are tired of hearing me complain about the heat. I’m tired of hearing myself complain about the heat. But with each passing day I find it more and more difficult to get cool. Air conditioning and cold showers seem to help little.

My wedding ring no longer fits because my hands are so swollen. I had to buy a new pair of shoes on my lunch hour because my feet were so swollen it felt like they were going to explode. My hair is in a perpetual ponytail. I have to apply deodorant several times a day. Nearly all of my maternity shirts have sweat stains on them. I even have to change my underwear at least once a day because I sweat *that* much.

I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and the sheets where I’ve been laying feel like they were just taken out of the dryer or had just been ironed. I’m like a furnace; heat just radiates from me.

I am jealous of polar bears. I am jealous of Eskimos. I am jealous of penguins. I am jealous of hockey players. I am jealous of ice sculptors.

Once I have Cayden I am not planning on leaving the house unless it’s to catch a direct flight to the north pole.

The Last Weekend

This weekend was quite possibly mine and Chad’s last weekend alone together for a long, long time. This coming weekend my parents will be down for Memorial Day and the weekend after that…well, who knows; we could very well have a baby by then. Need-less-to-say we spent every moment we could enveloped in one another; simply enjoying the quiet beauty that is Chad and Melissa.

We took a nice nap yesterday and as we both drifted off to sleep, enjoying both the silence and comfort of one another, I wanted to hold onto the moment for as long as I could. While I look forward to expanding our family more than anything I know that I remain blissfully unaware of exactly how much this little life will changes our lives.

Chad and I have been together for so long; have been alone for so long. We don’t live near close friends or family. While Chad does have an uncle and sister in Arizona our visits with them remain far and few between. Our time is spent alone and that’s always been a preference.

I want more than anything to hold onto the dynamic that is our relationship, the dynamic that has worked so beautifully for so long. I find that my biggest fear isn’t the challenge of raising Cayden, but rather the drastic change it could mean to my relationship with my husband.

Yet, I remain faithful that this change will only serve to strengthen and grow mine and Chad’s love for one another and I look forward to what is yet to come. I remain faithful that over the past six years we have built a sturdy and strong foundation and no amount of exhaustion and dirty diapers can weaken what we have built.

A Dream Come True?

So, in the past 4 days I have had 2 friends have dreams that I had Cayden. Is this a sign of things to come? Will he really be here sooner rather than later?

At my doctor's appointment yesterday the doctor said that Cayden was head down and had already descended into the birth canal. Next week he will check to see if I have dilated at all.

Fingers crossed that Cayden gets a May birthday. I am so anxious to meet him.

I Feel Great!

So, these past few days I have been feeling great; better than I’ve felt in weeks. I’ve been feeling let’s go out and run a marathon great. This is a drastic departure from what I had been feeling the last few weeks. I was in panic mode because I honestly felt like I couldn’t be pregnant another second. Now I don’t even feel pregnant.

This past Saturday I thought I was going to have a panic attack because I was feeling so overwhelming pregnant. *Everything* hurt. I felt so much pressure and cramping in my belly and I thought I was going to collapse under the weight of my belly. I really didn’t know how I was going to survive the next 4 weeks or so.

Then all of a sudden I just started to feel better; *much* better. It started Sunday when we were putting together the nursery. I got this sudden burst of energy and my body didn’t hurt as bad. Then Monday, Tuesday and today things seem to be better than ever.

I don’t feel tired. My back and legs are no longer achy. I don’t feel any pressure or cramping in my belly. My feet and hands aren’t swollen. Cayden’s kicks are delightful instead of painful. I don’t feel like I weight a metric ton.

I don’t know what is causing the sudden change. All I know is that it is a welcome change and I am once again loving every second of my pregnancy. Thanks goodness because I don’t know how Chad and I would have mentally handled another 4 weeks of my misery.

Chad thinks that I suddenly feel so much better because I am going to be having Cayden soon—real soon. Maybe? Who know? Perhaps I just feel so much better because I don’t have the pressure of an unfinished nursery on my shoulders.

I’ve had some people at work tell me that it looks like I’ve “dropped”. Honestly, I was thinking the same think; looking in the mirror Cayden looks awfully low. Perhaps he has dropped into a more comfortable position for the both of us.

Maybe I will be having him soon. That would be delightful. I can’t wait to have him with us. It seems like we have been waiting forever. And even if it does take another 4 weeks (instead of 2 like I am hoping) I am very thankful that I am getting a few days of relieve from the discomfort that is 8 months pregnant.

I have a doctor's appointment today. I can't wait to see how it goes.

At Long Last…The Nursery!

We proudly introduce our baby boy's room. I love it. Thanks to Chad for doing a complete remodel on the room and putting everything together.


Chad getting everything set up


Trying to get everything organized...what a mess! Baby Boy Cayden already has so much stuff!


All set...just add baby


Can't wait to bring Cayden home to his room


I love how everything turned out...it's perfect!


The enormous belly at 35 and a half weeks!

Mother’s Day

My un-official Mother’s Day was awesome. Chad and I spent most of the day putting Cayden’s room together. We now officially have a nursery to bring our baby boy home to! It feels *so* good to have this accomplished. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

The room looks amazing. I will probably post some pictures tomorrow. Every time I walk by the room I just have to stop and take a moment to soak it all in. I can’t believe it’s all actually happening. In a month, or less, we will have our baby boy with us.

It took Chad less time to put the crib together than it did for me to take all the clothes and blankets out of their packages and remove the tags. Chad was ready to put the bedding on the crib and I was still snipping tiny tags off all of Cayden’s clothes. In my defense, Cayden has a ton of clothes and Chad is a great handy-man.

I did lots of baby laundry yesterday; practice for the future. It’s so adorable to be folding tiny onesies, bibs, booties and mittens. Cayden has so many clothes, yet they don’t take up that much room. We are all ready for Cayden; now we just have to wait for him to be ready for us.

Chad also took me out to a Mother’s Day dinner. We went to our favorite Italian restaurant in town. I was very indulgent and I got the veggie lasagna. It was delicious and I enjoyed every single last bite of it. And even better for me my blood sugars didn’t shoot through the roof either; they stayed in the normal range.

Perhaps my favorite part of the whole day…Chad gave me a much needed body massage. My body is starting to get a bit achy these days.

Probably No; Not Definitely No

Well, today I met with Kim to discuss my FMLA and possible return to work options. Our department director, Jean, was not part of the meeting. It was just me and Kim talking freely, honestly and openly about my future, my wants and the possibility of it all.

I told her that in my heart I want to stay home and take care of Cayden, however, my bank account doesn’t exactly accommodate my hearts desires. I told her that if I ruled the world I would either work from home a few days a week or work part time.

She said that the decision was not hers to make, but rather rested in the hands of our department direction, Jean, and our campus director Craig. She did tell me that the possibility of either did not seem promising. She said that neither of them was willing to let her, even in her unique situation, work from home or part time.

She said that my best bet would be to make a proposal to submit to Jean and Craig and let them decide from there. She wants me to outline what I would do at home or part time, how I would accomplish it, what resources I would need and reasons why it would be successful.

So, that’s where it stands. Not a definite no, but a probably no. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by this news. I still have one last option to fall back on and that’s working in our testing center part time. I just don’t know if working in the testing center would be enough to keep us afloat financially.

If I work in the testing center and we use savings to make up for the financial short fall I could most definitely stay at home for about a year. However, we would be strapped; extremely strapped; scary strapped. And I just don’t know if I want to live my life like that. It seems unfair to all three of us.

Plus, my intentions were never to use all of our savings just so I can stay home and be with Cayden. On one hand: what better way to spend that money than taking care of my child. On the other hand: it is selfish of us to blow through all that money when we can just as easily put him into daycare.

I wish it was an easy decision. I wish it was an easy situation. I, once again, find myself wishing I had an answer; wishing I knew what we were going to do. I hate the uncertainty of it all. Yet, I know that I am not alone in my dilemma. I know I would not be the first mother to put her child in daycare when she didn’t want to. I know I would not be the first mother who heads back to work with a heavy heart and a guilty conscious.

I wanted the title of this blog to be “I have the best job ever!” But things never seem to work out quite the way I would like them to. And I selfishly and immaturely feel that I am being cheated out of something I deserve.

New Carpet for a New Life

We got our new carpet installed yesterday! So Buster now officially needs to get a job so that he can pay us back. Actually, I have officially forgiven Buster for ruining the carpet in the first place and we have moved on. I trust him again. However, if he does resort back to his old evil ways there will be dire consequences.

It’s so nice having carpet that isn’t full of Buster stains. It’s new and clean and I love it. I rolled around on the living room floor yesterday when it was still empty. We only installed carpet in two rooms of the house; the living room and Cayden’s room. Cayden’s carpet matches the rest of the house; while the living room got an upgraded; much nicer carpet.

I took the whole day off yesterday since the carpet was getting installed and because a plumber came to our house to fix a leaking faucet in our backyard. I must admit it was absolute bliss to be at home. I loved it.

I am so looking forward to being at home with Cayden and taking care of him, the house and Chad. I never thought I would be the type of woman to enjoy that kind of lifestyle; but suddenly it’s all I want to do.

I am meeting with my manager and director tomorrow to discuss my return to work options. They both have said to me that they support any decision I make and that they want me to be able to devote myself to Cayden.

Right now, there are 3 options I am going to discuss with them and depending on their input I will have a for sure decision in less than 24 hours and that will be such a huge relieve. Option 1: Work from home. Option 2: Work part time. Option 3: Go to another department and work part time (this has already been offered to me; I just have to accept).

I would prefer Option 1 or 2 because it would mean more money and I don’t really want to leave my department. I am confident that I can work out one of these options with my director and manager. I know they will do anything they can to help me and I am totally thankful for that.

Buster Update

I write this hesitantly, but I feel that Buster has turned a new leaf and I feel that I can once again trust him. I admit that I give him far more credit than any one dog deserves, but I still feel that he has had a mental revelation and now chooses to be a good dog.

It happened about two weeks ago and it appears to be a change that happened overnight. One day he was just different—like he turned 30 in doggie years and decided it was time to grow up. He seems calmer, more relaxed, not so needy and anxious. He seems mature and refined.

I can’t exactly describe the change. I can only really sense it. The one change I can describe is Buster’s reaction when we come home from work. He would usually be very excited to see us; overly excited. He would howl and whimper and jump incessantly until he was picked up. It would take him forever to calm down from this fury he worked himself into and if you ignored him there was trouble.

Now. Well, now, he is still extremely excited to see us, but he is more calm and relaxed. I get the feeling that in his mind he is saying, “I’m glad you are home. I am happy to see you. I wanted to be picked up and I would love attention, however, I will wait for it.”

He hasn’t gone to the bathroom in the house for weeks either. Now this is not to say that I am going to give him free range when we get our new carpet installed. But I do feel that I don’t have to watch him every second he is in the house.

I think Buster has come to terms with his future and he is now choosing to embrace his role as big brother rather than act out against it. I think he knows that behaving well will only serve to better and enhance his life and that acting out will only make his life miserable. Tell me…am I giving him too much credit?

I don’t know the mental reasoning behind any of it; I just know that Buster seems better behaved and more grown up than he did a few weeks ago. Whatever the reason behind it I’m thankful. I am now looking forward to being one big happy family.

Carbs… I Miss Them…

Spaghetti, ice cream, coke, bread, chips, candy bars, cereal…it turns out the best things in life contain massive amounts of carbs. Since I have gestational diabetes carbs have to be limited; especially non-complex carbs like regular spaghetti and soda.

Every day is a struggle. I haven’t had spaghetti since my anniversary…more than two weeks ago. I think that is the longest I have ever gone without eating spaghetti. It’s hard, harder than I thought it would be. I *want* all the bad stuff so badly I can’t stand it sometimes. My whole life has been a diet of nothing but carbs so making this transition is painful.

I hate reading food labels. I hate looking up nutritional information before going to a restaurant. I hate feeling like I am being *controlled* by this. Ever since I found out I feel like time is standing still. Before, my pregnancy was flying by; now it seems like the minutes are ticking by…tick-tock-tick-tock.

The other day I wanted an afternoon snack and Chef Boyardee sounded especially delicious. I got a small can out of our pantry and checked the food label…30 grams of carbs. The carb content was high but I had been good all week and I’m pregnant I deserve to indulge a little bit. I then realized it was 30 grams of carbs *per serving* and there were 2 servings in the tiny can…so a total of 60 grams of carbs. Afternoon snacks should be no more than 15 grams.

I hung my head in defeat and put the can back. I wanted to cry. All I could think to myself was, “it’s not fair.” After all, I’m pregnant I should be able to eat whatever I want. Isn’t that one of the perks?

I hate to be a complainer and I remain thankful that this is the only hiccup in my entire pregnancy, but I would be a liar face if I didn’t admit to how hard of a struggle it is to avoid foods that taste the most delicious to me.

I just have to be strong for a little while longer—6 weeks. After all having Cayden be a healthy weight and being able to deliver him naturally is my number one priority.

The Results Are In…

I hate it when this happens, but Chad was right. He totally pegged baby Cayden’s weight. He was only off by an ounce. Cayden is 4 pounds 9 ounces. He is in the 50% percentile for his age—talk about normal. The ultrasound tech said that depending on when he is born Cayden will likely weigh between 7 pounds and 7 ½ pounds.

The ultrasound tech also said that she didn’t see any possibility of Cayden growing large because of my gestational diabetes. I was really relieved to hear this. However, I will still probably have about two more ultrasounds before my due date to check his weight.

Cayden is super adorable and completely entertaining already. He was sucking on his fingers yesterday—getting lots of practice in for when it’s time to breastfeed. He was going to town on them too. He would suck and suck and then stop take a huge yawn and start sucking all over again. I couldn’t stop laughing.

He is already head down too. So he is ready to make his way into the world. I’m glad that he is already in a good position. Some ladies in my birthing class their babies are breech and they are having to do all kinds of painful procedures to try and get the baby to turn.

Oh yeah…get this. Cayden already has hair! I could see it floating in the amniotic fluid yesterday. How flipping cool is that. I can’t wait to spike it.

Last night was also the last night of our birthing classes. I am honestly amazed at how quickly these past four weeks have gone by. So we are technically prepared for labor and delivery; yet so much of it remains a mystery. We know the signs to look for and when to go to the hospital; but when and where it will happen all remains locked in secrecy. It’s pretty exciting…like a great big surprise and I can’t wait!

Ultrasound Today

I get to see Cayden today! I have an ultrasound at 2pm. I am so excited. It's been a really long time since I've had an ultrasound--like two months.

I can't wait to see how much he's grown and changed over the past weeks. I am particularly interested to see how much he weighs. Chad and I have a bet going on about his weight.

I am guessing he weighs 5 and 1/4 pounds. Chad is guessing he weighs 4 and 1/2 pounds. He feels like he weighs 15 pounds!

His weight is a very important factor since I have gestational diabetes. While, I want a big healthy baby I certainly do not want him to get *too* big; which a main concern in mothers with gestational diabetes.

I am also very interested to see what position he is in. I am guessing, from his movements, that he is already in the head down position. I would be extremely surprised if his head was anywhere above my belly button.

The only bummer is that Chad can't make it. But I can't wait to tell him all about it. And I will be posting pics of his latest photo shoot as soon as I can.

The Top Ten Things I Am Looking to…

1-Delivering Cayden—it’s going to be magical

2-Seeing Chad hold him for the first time

3-Baby toes

4-Baths

5-Giggles and grins

6-Seeing both myself and Chad in him

7-Snuggle time…(trip coddles, according to Chad; and if Buster is with us…quad cods)

8-Breastfeeding

9-Letting go of selfishness

10-Watching him grow…

Almost Ready

With each passing day it becomes more and more evident that Cayden will be with us shortly. He seems to grow stronger and more active by the second. My belly seems to be occupying more and more space these days and the aches and pains of pregnancy are more pronounced with each passing moment.

Our (what seemed like never-ending) quest to be ready for Cayden is finally coming to a close. The nursery is near complete and that gives me a sense of relief and accomplishment beyond description. I want to take this moment to applaud Chad for the hard work and dedication he put into our baby boy’s room. It is simply beautiful and I cannot wait to show our little bundle what a great job his daddy did.

Chad is done with his part of the re-model. We finally decided on the type of flooring we wanted for the room and are going to have carpet installed. We are now just waiting on Home Depot to get the carpet delivered and installed. The carpet should be installed in about a week or so. Once that is complete it will be time for decorating—the fun and (luckily for us) quick part.

We have everything we needed for the baby room. In fact, we have just about everything we need for Cayden in general. There are just a few necessity items that we are lacking, but they will be purchased soon.

I also feel that Chad and I are mentally ready for Cayden and the enormous responsibility and joys that come with him. Still, I can’t quiet imagine how different things will be in the Reed household once Cayden gets home. I look forward to learning as we go and establishing routines, rules and a sense of family.

So I am ready. Chad is ready. The rest of the family is ready. His room is almost ready. Now we just need to allow Cayden to be ready to enter this world. It’s going to be great.

Sizzle

Yesterday was the first 100 degree day here in the Valley. The first 100+ day is always the hardest. It comes out of nowhere and hits you like a tons of bricks. Eventually you get used to the blazing weather and 100 degrees is a welcome in mid-July when temperatures usually hover around 115.

The heat is only adding to my discomfort. I am getting bigger by the day. And when I say “bigger” I mean *bigger*. It’s kind of scary. People ask me if I am about to go into labor. I don’t think Cayden is enjoying the heat to much either. I have the distinct feeling that he is also uncomfortable. I keep joking that all I need to do is add potatoes and carrots and make a nice stew out of him!

I just hope these next 5-7 weeks pass by quickly. Luckily for me, Jay’s pool is almost 80 degrees; perfect swimming water. I can’t wait to start taking afternoon dips to cool off and get some help carrying this baby around.

The air conditioning is in full use again. I am not looking forward to our electricity bill. We never stopped using the ceiling fan because I am a naturally hot person and it’s never really that cool here in Arizona. But now we are using the ceiling fan, air conditioning and another fan and it’s *still* hot for me.

I thank Chad in advance for putting up with my complaining over the next few weeks. It will get hotter by the day; I will continue to get bigger by the day and that is a horrible combination. I’m just thankful that all the discomfort and uncontrollable sweating is all for something totally worth it…Cayden.