Making the Rounds

Yesterday I started visiting some daycare centers in our neighborhood. Before I go any further I will say this: I know we still have 6 months before we are actually faced with the decision of putting Cayden in daycare and I know that our ultimate goal is to have me stay at home with him. However, I started the process for my own mental well-being.

You see, not knowing if I will get to stay at home and not knowing where we will take Cayden if I do have to go back to work has done a number on me mentally. I can’t live in the un-known; it’s not the way I’m made. The unknown is like butter or mayonnaise; I simply can’t have it in my system.

This whole not knowing what will happen hasn’t been good for Chad and I either. The dreaded unknown has lead to many arguments, ruined weekends and tears. I think everything has been heightened because I am pregnant and I have raging hormones. Basically I have been an emotional wreck and the mere mention of putting Cayden in daycare leaves me in hysterics and leaves Chad feeling inadequate and helpless.

So I decided Sunday that we can’t go on living like that; that *I* must take action and create a plan so that the rest of my pregnancy isn’t filled with fights and tears, but rather pure happiness and joy—the way it should be. So I decided I would start visiting neighborhood daycare centers in order to get over my fear of the unknown world of child care and establish a much needed plan.

I went to three yesterday. And all I can say is that they weren’t that bad. They were not the torture chambers I imagined them to be. Granted, they are not my house, but they are okay. The prices are not as high as I was expecting either $165 to $190 per week. I am planning on visiting one more today after work and probably several more in the coming weeks.

Of the three I visited I ruled out two immediately. Chad and I can visit the other one at a later date. The first one I visited is for sure a no-go. This is why: I took a look at the infant room and there was a baby laying in a crib and he was awake. If a baby is awake you don’t leave them laying in their crib—simple as that. If Cayden is awake I will be playing with him, singing to him, hugging him, doing something to help foster learning and physical development like crawling or walking. All I could think was: What if they leave Cayden laying in a crib all day?

The last place I visited isn’t going to work either. I hated the parking lot. This is a small thing, but if I am going to be going somewhere twice a day, everyday I don’t want to be fighting a small, awkward, cramped parking lot. Also, I didn’t like the way it smelled and it was so flippin’ loud. It just wasn’t for me or my child.

The second daycare is the only possible option right now. You need to enter a door code to get into the building—I liked that. Each baby gets his or her own crib; no sharing—I liked that. The toys and bedding are cleaned daily—I liked that. So we’ll see. It’s a possibility. I have to visit several more before I can make a decision.

I feel good that I have started this process. I don’t feel so overwhelmed or irresponsible. I feel a lot more calm and relaxed. It’s good to have a back up plan; something to fall back on if the whole stay at home mom thing doesn’t work out.

I will say this. Even if I find a fabulous daycare center for a fabulous price I will *not* give up on my quest to stay at home with Cayden. I will do *everything* in my power to make it work out and I will not give up hope. I will fight until there is nothing left to fight for, because *no one* and I repeat *no one* could ever take care of Cayden the way I can.