Bitter...Really Bitter

*I am so bitter right now…please excuse this rant. I apologize for how offensive I am about to be.*

We did our tax returns yesterday and we totally got screwed. We are getting back next to nothing and I simply can’t believe it. We were really counting on this tax return to help pay off/down a loan we took out to re-do the backyard and finish getting everything ready for Cayden.

I truly believed that our house was going to help us out and it didn’t. I am such a bitter homeowner right now it’s unreal. I would go back to renting our townhouse in a second. We paid over $12,000 in interest on our mortgage this year and it got us a $600 rebate. What a joke! Not only that but the house is worth $40,000 *less* than what we paid for it 15 months ago. I used to have second thoughts about buying the house and now…now I regret it just about every day.

I feel like there is no incentive in this country for working hard. I feel like I am being punished for being a married home owner with a good job. Maybe because I am a married home owner with a good job I don’t deserve any special treatment from the government? I don’t know. I just know how I feel and right now I feel robbed.

In the end it comes down to this…we made too much money this year. But it doesn’t *feel* like we made a lot of money. We don’t spend extravagantly or out of our means…it’s just really expensive to live in AZ. It’s expensive to live anywhere.

Once again, I feel like I felt after the Super Bowl…completely deflated…like someone just let all my air out. It’s beyond disappointing.

I told Chad yesterday that we should just quit our jobs, have like 6 kids and live off of welfare, WIC and food stamps and wait for our 10k tax return every year. That sounds so much easier that busting my ass everyday at a job I only kind of like. Yes. I am *that* bitter.

Oh yeah…here’s the icing on the cake. Our 401K lost 38.9% of its value over the past 12 months. Not only is my house worth nothing, but now I never get to retire! Once again…what’s the point of even trying?

Note to self: remain thankful that we don’t owe. I have to say it over and over again, because I’ll lose my flipping mind if I don’t.

Not So “Super” Weekend

Yesterday was Super Bowl 43. However, it was not that “Super” for those of us living in Arizona. The Cardinals lost in the last seconds of the game when the Steelers scored a last minute touchdown to bring the final score to 27-23. For a while it seemed like the Cardinals were going to make history and defy all odds when they were leading 23-20. But alas, there fairy tale season did not end with the big win. We remain proud of this team and hopeful for next season.

After the end of the game I felt so deflated. That is really the only word I can use to describe my emotions…deflated. It was such a huge emotional letdown. Even now, I still feel deflated and sad. I definitely have a Super Bowl hangover.

The game yesterday was the biggest sporting event in my life. I’ve never been so emotionally tied to a football game, any game. I, we all, felt like we were part of something bigger than ourselves. The entire state of Arizona has been filled with Cardinal Fever for the past two weeks—heck the past few months. Driving on the freeway cars were proudly displaying Cardinal flags and written across windshields was “Go Cards!” Businesses were proudly supporting this team with free food for patrons wearing Cardinal gear. Our company CEO even proclaimed Friday to be Cardinals Day and encouraged everyone to wear Cardinal gear and jeans in order to support our hometown team.

We had Chad’s sister Linsey and her husband Dustin, as well as, Chad’s uncle Jay come over for the festivities yesterday. Linsey is due to have a baby on March 15th! I can’t believe it. It seems like we just found out she was pregnant. She’s going to have a baby and then I am going to have a baby. Holy cow! Unbelievable.

Although, the Cardinals lost Cayden seemed to enjoy the game. He was bouncing around the whole game. I just know he was chanting, “Go Cards! Go Cards!”

Must Be Showing

I’ve come to the conclusion this week that I must *obviously* be pregnant. There’s no more guessing. No more, “did Melissa eat too many cookies over Christmas?” My belly must look like it’s a whole lotta pregnant and it seems to have happened over night.

The reason beyond my theory? Everyone is talking to me about it. Not just the close friends at work who know, but *everyone*, even total strangers. I’ll be at the store and someone will ask, “When’s your baby due?” Or I will be changing at the gym and someone will ask me, “Are you having a boy or a girl.”

It’s completely crazy. I didn’t think people asked total strangers if they were pregnant because there’s that fear of offending someone who *isn’t* pregnant. Obviously, people are either very certain I am pregnant or they don’t give a damn if they offend me.

Either way, it’s really wild to have so many people asking me about my ever-expanding belly. I’ve never been the type of person who needs or wants a lot of attention, and luckily for me, I’ve never received a lot of attention. It’s all so new and different for me, but I do love talking about Baby Cayden any chance I get.

Tag, I'm it.

My friend Abby Reed has tagged me (http://abbyreed.blogspot.com/).

Here are the rules:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder.
3) Explain the picture.

Here is my picture:



Random, totally random is all I can say about this picture. This is one of the hundreds of pictures I have of my dog Buster.

I'm not quiet sure why Chad chose to save this picture from our digital camera and download it to our laptop. The picture does make any kind of sense. It has a whole bunch of human feet (my dad, my mom and Chad's uncle Jay) and my messy coffee table.

After looking closer at the picture I realize our old TV is in the upper right-hand corner. This is not the usual TV spot. Then it dawns on me...this is the day we bought our 60 inch TV. This also explains why the coffee table looks out of place. We are all hanging around watching Chad set up the new TV anxiously awaiting our first viewing.

It is random picture and it was completely random that we even bought the TV in the first place. Earlier in the day we went with my parents to eat at Souper Salad for lunch. Next to the Souper Salad is an Ultimate Electronics store. We had some time to kill so we wondered in to look around. An hour later Chad is buying a 60 inch TV. And now we have this picture to forever remember our first big screen TV.

My Doctor

I came to the conclusion yesterday that I don’t like my doctor. Granted, I’ve only met him twice, but so far he has not left a good impression on me or Chad. The two times I have met with him I have felt incredibly rushed. He comes in feels my belly, listens to the heart beat and then says, “Any problems?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, but instead says, “Okay, great see you in four weeks.”

The whole process is overwhelming. During our first visit I was so stunned by the quickness of everything that I didn’t even ask one question—and believe me I have plenty. This time I was determined to get my questions answered. I spoke up and said, “I have a few questions.” I asked my questions, he quickly answered and did his usual, “Okay, great see you in four weeks.”

I just feel like he doesn’t *know* me or even *want* to know me. He probably doesn’t even know my name. He’s never asked a personal question and hasn’t taken one second to get to know Chad and I personally. He simply knows nothing about us. How can someone who doesn’t know me possibly care about me and my baby?

I don’t know. I’ve never had a baby before and I’ve never gone through this type of doctor experience before so maybe this is how all pre-natal visits are supposed to be. I just always envisioned a warm, caring relationship between myself and the person who would be caring for me and my unborn child.

I am thinking about changing. I absolutely do not want to stop going to New Horizons Women’s Care; however I think I may start seeing a different doctor in the practice. I wish I could see the FNP, Jodi through-out my entire pregnancy, but I can’t. Maybe I need a women—someone who can relate to me. Maybe Dr. Eich has been delivering babies too long and he has gotten out of touch with his patients, especially first time parents who are scared out of their minds.

We’ll see how our next appointment goes. If I don’t get a completely different vibe I will just ask to be scheduled with a different doctor for my next appointment. Besides, Dr. Eich might not even be the doctor to deliver Cayden since the practice works on a rotation schedule with the eight doctors on staff.

Stubborn Already

Baby Cayden is only 20 weeks old and already ready he is proving to be a very stubborn little boy. I had yet another ultrasound yesterday and he simply would not cooperate. It was supposed to be a "quick look" at his organs again. I was there over 45 minutes.

He has never been cooperative during ultrasounds--the little booger! Yesterday he was especially uncooperative--he was really making the ultrasound tech work for her pay check. She had me in every position you could imagine. She had me lay on my left side, then my right side, then cross my legs and then un-cross my legs. Not only that, but she was pushing on my belling with the scanner device thingy extra hard--holy cow. Plus, she was shaking the belly like a milkshake. Nothing...he simply would not do what she wanted.

I tell ya this kid can understand human language and then he ignores everything that's being asked of him. When the ultrasound tech wanted to look at his heart he would put his hand over his chest...when she wanted to look at this face he would put his hands over it...when she wanted to look at his kidney's he would put his hand over his belly...and so on and so forth. It was amusing after awhile; especially because the ultrasound tech kept saying, "He's really making me work hard."

So, need-less-to-say I didn't walk away from the appointment with very many good pictures of little Cayden. But I am happy to announce that since my last appointment two weeks ago he has grown 1 inch (up to 9) and put on an additional 4 ounces (up to 12).

I talked to the doctor yesterday too. I actually spoke to a real live doctor...I couldn't believe it. She said that Cayden is developing "beautifully" and that he is completely "normal". What a relief. She also said that I appear to be just fine and she can't foresee me going into early labor as earlier thought.

More Pregnancy Changes

Ahhh, the joys of pregnancy. Apparently, the belly isn’t the only body part that gets bigger with pregnancy. The boobs get bigger too, a lot bigger. I had to go to the store this weekend and get new bras. The ones I have now simply no longer fit, I was busting out of them in every possible way.

I bought a bra at Wal-Mart last weekend. It was horrible. Never buy a bra at Wal-Mart. It was so uncomfortable and really itchy. I usually get my bras at Victoria Secret, but I don’t want to spend $45 on a bra that I might only be wearing a few months. So I decided to head to Kohl’s; they always have really good sales and I like all the clothes I get there so I figured it was worth a shot.

I was very impressed. Kohl’s had a huge selection to choose from and they were all very nice. I ended up getting two Vera Wang (very stylish, huh) bras for only $36…for both of them!

I went up a cup size. Holy cow. I’m four and a half months pregnant and I’ve already gone up a cup size. I’m getting a little freaked out about this. Chances are I may go up another cup size before I deliver. I will tip over if that happens. I am very small. I am super-short and have a very small frame; my body wasn’t designed to carry boobs this big. Plus, when all is said and done my boobs will go back down…down to the floor!

This has been a good lesson for me though. I always thought I wanted to get a boob job. I’ve never been flat chest-ed, but I always thought I could stand to use a bit more up top. Now, that I got a lot more up top it’s so not worth it. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and just say to myself, “My God, my boobs are just so big, ugh.” Maybe if they weren’t accompanied by an ever growing belly it wouldn’t be so bad. All you A cup girls out there…celebrate, because huge boobs are not all they’re cracked up to be.

Pregnancy and the Immune System

Apparently, when you get pregnant your immune system gets shot. I am sick for the second time in three months. This is beyond unusual for me. I am one of those real braggy-annoying people who constantly talk about never getting sick. I am utterly annoyed by this. You would think with all the pre-natal vitamins I am taking I would be as healthy as a horse.

After doing some Google web searches it turns out that a women's immune system become less effective when she becomes pregnant. There is a purpose behind the weakened immune system; it keeps the women's body from treating the baby like a parasite and destroying it. Wow! If that's not proof that there's a God and he planned our bodies perfectly I don't know what is.

So, I will take this slight cold with a grain of salt because it means that baby Cayden is thriving and that makes it all the worthwhile. I am not even that sick. I just don't feel that good. I am coughing like a mad-man. All the coughing is making my back hurt, my throat hurt and my head hurt. Boo for me. I just have to keep reminding myself, "This ain't nothing compared to labor, so brace yourself Missy."

The up-side to being sick? Getting time off of work. I left yesterday at noon and I will probably leave a bit early today too. Being at home during the day is awesome. I watch three hour blocks of "A Baby Story" on TLC and cry my eyes out. I was going to try and get Chad and I on that show but they only accept couples in the New-York tri-state area. Double boo.

Kim

I haven’t talked at all about my pregnant boss Kim. I figured her story wasn’t mine to tell. However, I feel compelled to talk about her today; mainly because she has been in my constant thoughts these past few weeks. Kim has been my boss for a little over a year now and I feel like we’ve known each other forever. Despite our large age difference—she is probably 18 years old than me—I feel extremely close to her and we’ve become friends.

Her guidance as a manger and friendship have meant the world to me. That’s why back in early September when she told me she was pregnant I was delighted for her. She took a long and painfully journey to get to motherhood and now her dreams were all coming true. I’d never been so happy for someone else in my entire life.

Unfortunately, this joy would not last long. In late September, Kim and her husband found out their baby had Trisomy 18. This condition affects the baby’s major organs and the chance of survival is very little. I was emotionally overwhelmed by this announcement. It was at the time when Chad and I were trying to start our own family (little did we know I was already two weeks pregnant).

When I learned about Kim's baby's condition the only word I could think of was "un-fair". It's a childish and immature word, but I couldn't help it. The simple truth was that it was un-fair. It was un-fair that Kim's chance at motherhood was going to be cut short. It was un-fair that she may never get another chance.

These past few months in the office have been filled with emotion, long-talks and hugs. Each day that passed was a blessing because it increased the baby’s chances of surviving to full-term. Before we knew it January was upon us and Kim was scheduled for a c-section. The baby was coming early because amniotic fluid was low and because doctors could help the baby better outside of the womb.

So, on January 15th, Martin Luther King’s birthday, Zoey Mae was born at 3 pounds 1 ounce. She is beautiful and absolute proof that God listen’s to prayers and works miracles. Zoey still has a long road ahead of her and is most definitely a special needs child. Kim cares about none of that and is completely grateful for this small miracle in her life. Right now the baby remains in the NICU unit of a hospital here in the Phoenix area. She will likely remain there for sometime.

I cannot get Zoey or Kim off my mind. It is emotional in a way that I can’t describe. I cry a lot about it and it’s not because I’m pregnant; it’s because I’m human. Kim is a good person—it radiates from her. Her attitude, faith and perseverance during this time have been phenomenal and it only serves to break my heart even more. However, Zoey has fought the odds and I hope and pray that she continues to do so and Kim is able to see her blossom into a toddler, tween, teenager and beyond.

Getting Ready for Baby

We are *so* getting ready for Baby Cayden. It’s all happening and it’s all happening so fast. I can’t believe it. I am getting super excited.

On Saturday we went to Wal-Mart and BabiesRUs to finish the registries. I had a blast registering for baby stuff. It’s addicting. I wanted to register for everything. Chad was able to keep me under control and we only got the necessities; plus a little extra—I couldn’t help myself. The only down part is that half of our items can’t be viewed or purchased on-line.

Also, Chad started working on the nursery. Right now, there is a large den-type room directly off of our master bedroom. Currently we are using it as a computer/getting ready room. But soon it will be transformed to a nursery. Chad started on the slight re-model this weekend. We are replacing the carpet with hardwood (laminate actually) floors and he is re-doing the walls. I know it will look gorgeous. I can’t wait to see the room all decorated.

On a side note…yesterday was a three day weekend. Unfortunately, I had to spend it by myself because Chad had to work. Boo. I spent the day watching HGTV and enjoying baby kicks. Cayden must have grown or gotten stronger these past few days. Starting on Sunday I started to feel him…*really* feel him. Before then I could only feel a little something maybe once a day. But Sunday, yesterday and today…it’s on. I feel him all the time…at least once an hour. I love it!

Proud

Bunco

So I am part of this Bunco group. Bunco is a dice game played by 12 women—it’s very fun and a great way for girls to get together and spend time gabbing, eating, and occasionally drinking. Our group meets once a month. Every month Bunco is hosted at a different person’s house. Last night Bunco was at my house.

One of the member’s of our Bunco team, Jennifer, just had a baby. Her name is Tatum and she is only 6 weeks old. Well, Jennifer brought along baby Tatum with her yesterday. Oh my gosh! She was completely adorable and I was completely in love.

Jennifer arrived with baby Tatum before most of the other girls arrived so I was able to spend some good quality time with the baby. Chad was able to witness this as well. Once the rest of the girls arrived he and Buster retreated into our bedroom.

I loved, loved, loved holding a baby in my arms. It was completely joyous. She was so soft and sweet and everything she did amused me. Buster was introduced to her and he was very curious. He sniffed her a lot and gave her kisses on the arm. It made me feel reassured for when Baby Cayden comes home. I know Buster will be awesome.

As the night progressed baby Tatum started getting a little grumpy. She started crying a lot and pretty loudly. However, to my surprise it didn’t bother me. I didn’t get instantly annoyed and she isn’t even my baby. I think toddler cry’s are more annoying.

Jennifer told me that during the first few weeks the crying is really difficult to deal with; simply because you don’t know how to make the baby happy. She said she cried a few times; not because she was frustrated or angry, but because she was sad that she couldn’t make baby Tatum happy. She said that you get used to it and it becomes manageable.

After the Bunco party was over and Chad and I were cleaning up he confessed that seeing me hold baby Tatum scared him a little bit. Not because he isn’t thrilled to have a baby in the house, but because he is worried about me physically handling a child. Tatum is only 6 weeks, but Chad said she looked big and heavy for me. I told him I would be fine and I am not doing all this working out for nothing. I am building strong baby lifting muscles!

I asked him, “Are you going to take over everything and always be the one to hold the baby because you don’t think I can handle him?”

“No, not at all. I just get worried about you.”

But, I’ll be fine. I’ll totally be fine. I’m going to be a mom and mom’s can handle anything!

Baby Moon!

Chad and I are going on a Baby Moon! It’s like a honeymoon, but it involves a baby instead of a wedding. It’s just a nice way for us to spend some quality time together before the baby gets here in June. We are both so excited about this trip.

We will be going to Payson, Arizona for a weekend. We are leaving February 13th and staying for two nights in a cabin right on a beautiful creek. This particular weekend is absolutely perfect for our Baby Moon. 1) It’s Valentine’s Day 2) It’s my 26th birthday 3) It’s a three day weekend 4) It’s off season up in Payson so the cabin rental was fairly inexpensive 5) The cabin is pet friendly so Buster will be able to accompany us on this trip.

Payson is two hours and a million miles away from Phoenix. The temperature drops about 30 degrees and the elevation raises about 3,000 feet. The town is small, friendly and surrounded by beautiful tall pines. It’s a nature’s lover’s paradise. There is tons of fishing, hiking and wildlife watching.

I am so glad we are taking the time to do something for ourselves. I’m glad we made this trip a priority. Once the baby comes we will be too busy and too broke to do anything like this for a long time. I just want us to take a few days to completely consume each other and be alone.

Check out the cute cabins we will be staying at…

http://www.christophercreeklodge.com/

Confirmation!

We got confirmation! Our baby is most definitely a baby boy. So Cayden James Reed will take on the world sometime around June 13th and we can’t wait. I would have been shocked if the baby’s gender was a girl, just because of what we were told at our last ultrasound.


I had been anxiously awaiting this appointment for weeks. I wanted to get gender confirmed and I wanted to make sure Cayden was big and healthy. Well, they were 45 minutes late in seeing us. I know this happens at doctor’s appointments; it’s to be expected. Nevertheless I was completely grumpy.

My appointment was for 3:15 the last appointment in the day. For some reason, yesterday, there was another lady who was scheduled *after* me. The waiting didn’t make me grumpy. It was the possibility of getting short-changed that made me grumpy. I especially didn’t want them to have to reschedule.

Luckily, they didn’t have to reschedule, but I did feel short-changed in the appointment. During this appointment they were supposed to take an in-depth look at *everything*. But I felt like it was more of a glance over, rather than an in-depth look. I didn’t even like the pictures we walked away with.

Oh well, I have another appointment in two weeks. So I am sure I will be able to get better ultrasound pics then. Plus, we were told that everything looks good and there is no need to worry about anything. The ultrasound is recorded, we get a DVD copy and an electronic one goes to the doctor. So if anything is out of the ordinary they will call.

Cayden is 8 inches and weighs half a pound. I can’t believe how much weight he still has to put on…at least 5 and ½ pounds. No wonder most women balloon around 5 months. The ultrasound tech said he is measuring big, so they may move my due date up. Luckily, they aren’t having to move it up because of me. My cervix was long and closed—exactly as it should be. Thank goodness.

Hospital Visit (Last Night) & Dr. Appt (Today)

We visited the hospital that we will be delivering at last night. We are going to be delivering our baby at Chandler Regional Hospital. Originally, I wanted to deliver at Banner Gateway because it is brand new and close to our house. However, there were no OB/GYN’s affiliated with that hospital that accept our health insurance. This surprised me because we have United Healthcare and I thought this insurance was pretty universal and widely accepted.

We timed the drive from our house to the hospital, leaving at 6:20pm. It took us about 25 minutes. Yikes! I am sure when I am in labor those 25 minutes will feel more like 25 hours. However, we left the house at the peak of traffic. Hopefully, I will go into labor in the middle of the night and the 25 minute commute will turn into 15 minutes.

Seeing the delivery room, nursery and recovery room made everything so much more real to me. Now I am able to visualize exactly where I will be when everything is happening. Both the delivery and recovery rooms are private. I like this a lot. I don’t want to be overwhelmed by other patients scaring me. Also, Chandler Regional Hospital has the philosophy that the baby should spend his time in the room with his parents. So, unless I ask them to, the staff will never take Cayden from my side. Well, they do take him away to circumcise him. However, we are allowed to be there with him for that procedure. Chad says he won’t be able to watch the circumcision—it’ll make him (Chad) cry too much.

Today we have our appointment to get an in-depth look at the baby and to do my cervix tests. I am excited and anxious about this appointment. I couldn’t sleep last night. I can’t wait to find out if Cayden is staying Cayden or if our baby will instead be Baby Addison Mae Reed. I just can’t wait to meet Baby Reed no matter what the gender turns out to be.

Also, I am looking forward to seeing how my cervix is holding up. I have my fingers double crossed that I am okay in that area, because I do not want to deliver the baby too early. There are specific reasons babies stay in their mothers for 9 months. I want our baby to be as healthy as possible and that means baking for 9 months. Plus, if the cervix tests are not good it means no romantic-ness for Chad and I and that’s our favorite activity on the weekends.

I more than anything just want to see a big, strong, healthy baby with properly functioning organs. I can only imagine how active he will be this time on screen. I am feeling him more and it is only increasing this immense love I have for him. I am overwhelmed by these movements and I can’t wait until they get stronger, more distinct and more frequent. I have only had two real kicks: one mild and one strong. The rest have been subtle movements—little vibrations. But I know I will very soon start to feel everything and I can’t wait!

A Lesson in Parenting

Lord give me patience. Yesterday Chad’s friend Brian came to the house to borrow our internet and play Rock Band with Chad. He brought his 6 year old son, Preston, with him. Lord give me patience. They didn’t stay longer than an hour and a half, but by the end of the visit I wanted to strangle Preston. Once again, Lord give me patience.

I spent the entire visit visiting with Preston while also trying to finish my Sunday chores (cooking dinner and doing laundry). The visit started out like this…we have all of Buster’s toys in his bed in our living room. Preston proceeded to pick up every single toy and throw them all about the house. I had to dodge a couple because he cannot throw straight. I asked him to go around the house and gather all the toys he had thrown and put them away. I got a very simple answer, “No.”

Frustrated by this, I go to finish some laundry. He follows me into the laundry room and goes outside to play fetch with Buster. This was really nice because Buster always likes a good round of fetch. However, my laundry was interrupted several times by Preston saying, “Look at me,” over and over and over again.

Then he comes into mine and Chad’s bedroom and spots Chad’s new acoustic guitar. Now, this kid has grown up on Rock Band and Guitar Hero and naturally figures Chad’s guitar is a toy. He sprints to the guitar and starts strumming.

I immediately run up to him and tell him, “No, Preston this is not a toy.”

This does not go over well with him, “But I want to try and play it.”

“I know, but it’s not a toy. So let’s go back to the living room and play Rock Band instead.”

“No, I want to play this one, please, please, please.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t because it’s not a toy. Let’s go to the living room.”

“But, why? Please, please, please.” He continues to repeat those 5 words over and over and over again.

“Well, I am telling you no. Will you please just listen to me?”

“I’ll stop asking if you let me play it, please, please, please.”

Man, this kid is slick. I can feel my temperature rising and I know I am losing my patience. Heck, I was getting angry. I wanted to yell at him, “Because I said no, that’s why! Now get your butt in the living room and listen to me!” Finally, I got him by the hand and led him to the living room and tell him to join the Rock Bank session with his dad and Chad.

Instead he follows me in the kitchen and starts opening my pantry, refrigerator and freezer. He wants candy. I name everything I got in the way of candy…pop-tarts, fruit snacks, granola bars, and sweet tarts. He wants none of it. I then ask him to close the pantry. Not happening. So I have to close it for him. He eventually spots the ice cream and wants some of that. My response, “Go ask your dad.” Luckily for me Brian says no. I thought it was very ill-mannered of him to feel bold enough to dig through my kitchen like that.

Then he decides he wants to be a little chef and help me cook the spaghetti. He pops himself on my step-stool (yes, the shorty that I am needs a step stool in the kitchen) and wants to stir the cooking spaghetti. It’s the guitar conversation all over again.

“No, because it’s really hot and I don’t want you to burn yourself.”

Then it’s, “No, why? Please, please, please,” over and over and over again.

I was about to lose it, but luckily for both Preston and myself Brian announced they were leaving.

Wow! I am in for the ride of my life. However, I will say this. I do think Preston’s lack of respect for authority and inability to listen is avoidable. I believe you can teach children to listen and teach children respect. I can feel in me that I will be a disciplinarian and I will demand respect. I have been scared that I will be a push-over mom, but yesterday taught me that I will be nothing close to a pushover.

In the end I say, “bring it on!” Because I will not allow my child to be raised without rules and boundaries. Baby Cayden will know better.

Go Cards!

I wanna give a shout-out to our hometown Arizona Cardinals who destroyed the Carolina Panthers in Saturday's NFC divisional game, 33-13. It was a sight to be seen. No one gave the Cardinals a chance and the dynamic combo of QB Kurt Warner and WR Larry Fitzgerald proved to be un-stopable.

Even better, the Cardinals will be hosting the NFC Championship game right here in Glendale, AZ. Chad and I tried getting tickets to the game, but it sold out in 6 minutes! Tickets on Craigslist right now are outrageous, so it looks like we will be watching the game at home.

Still, the city is abuzz with excitement. This is the first time EVER, EVER this has happened to the Arizona Cardinals. And bird frenzy is definitely in the air. Heck, even Baby Cayden was dancing around cheering on the Cards during the game on Saturday. Cayden's favorite player is Neil Rackers because they are both excellent kickers!

Go Cards...Super Bowl here we come!!!

What trimester is this?

Okay, so today I am officially 17 weeks preggers! Kudos to Chad for making it this long. We’ll see if his sanity and patience can make it another 23 weeks or so. If he hears the questions, “Am I showing yet?” or “Do you like my porn boobs?” one more time he’s likely to jump off a bridge. By the way, the answers are respectively, “Yes, but not too much.” and “Why is that a question?”

So, yes, 17 weeks and counting. Decently into my second trimester…the supposed “honeymoon trimester.” I feel lied to. I am still tired all the time. One of my co-workers said when she hit her second trimester she “could have run a marathon.” Liar! I can barely do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

And please don’t ask me about my work promptness. It no longer exists. I went from hitting the snooze button twice to hitting it about 5 times each morning. I live about 40 minutes from work and am supposed to be there at 8am. Chad will call at 7:45…“how’s the drive?” “I don’t know…I’m curling my hair.” “Slacker!” he proclaims.

Sometimes this is my typical work day…come home, sleep for about 30 minutes, make dinner, watch TV, fall asleep, wake up about 8:30, go to bed. Then there are the weekends. Holy cow…the weekends. Sleep until 10:30, in bed by 10:00, nap from 2:00 to 5:00. When my parents were here for New Year’s they were quite amazed by my ability to sleep despite just waking up. My dad actually said, “God, you’re getting lazy.”

I’m not lazy, I’m growing a person. Well, maybe I am a little lazy. It’s my second trimester! Where the hell is this sudden rush of energy I am supposed to be feeling?

So, yeah, the tiredness is hard. But what really left me asking, “what trimester is this?” came this morning. I threw up. Yup. I puked. Not once, but 4 times. 4 times. Am I having lag pregnancy symptoms? I never threw up before and was damn proud of it. Then this morning rolls around and it’s puke city. I had just got done taking my pre-natal vitamin and it’s red. So I’m puking up vitamins…red vitamins, but I think its blood. Holy cow…I’m bleeding internally, what’s wrong with me. Do I need to call 911? Never mind, just a pre-natal vitamin. Crises adverted.

So I get to work late, tired, starving and with a stomach ache. Oh well, after all this complaining I can honestly say Baby Cayden is so worth it!

At Long Last...A Kick!

I believe I felt a baby kick today. It was very distinct. It wasn't a flutter, vibration or little sensation that I have been feeling. This was very different. The only thing I could imagine it to be is a baby kick!

I was standing and talking to a co-worker and all of a sudden it felt like someone flicked my belly from the inside. It was fast and the feeling only lasted a second or so. It made me say out loud, "Whoa, I just felt the baby."

The alleged baby kicked happened in my lower right abdomen. This is the same exact spot where everything I have ever felt with the baby has happened. It is also the same spot where the heartbeat is most easily heard and where the ultrasound tech spent the most time during our last ultrasound.

I now just need to wait for the next one to determine if what I think I felt is actually what I felt. I wonder if baby kicks come on gradually or if it's like a light switch and once it's on it's on.

Motherhood Quotes

ENJOY!

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont

She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along. ~Margaret Culkin Banning

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~Milton Berle

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Adabella Radici

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood. ~Isadora Duncan

There's nothing like a mama-hug. ~Adabella Radici

Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. ~T. DeWitt Talmage

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. ~From the television show The Golden Girls

A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done. ~Author Unknown

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb

All mothers are working mothers. ~Author Unknown

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. ~Oprah Winfrey

Marley and Me

I just wrote a little movie review about Marley and Me on my other blog, yet I feel compelled to write about the movie again. I just want to emphasize how much I loved this movie and how truly important I feel dogs are to the fundamental well being of any family. I will, unequivocally, have a dog in my house for the rest of my days here on earth.


When I read the book and watched the movie I felt like I was looking in a mirror…marriage, a dog, jobs, wanting to get pregnant, getting pregnant and all the other madness that is being an adult and starting a family. Starting a family…that phrase is so critical to the movie and my own life. I started my family the moment I saw Buster and I am blessed that our family is growing. I think most families start with a dog, or a cat or some type of animal. Animals teach you the fundamentals of life: love, patience, gratefulness, affection, humility, joy and even sorrow.

A good friend of mine recently experienced some dog woes and the pain she feels only reinforces how truly special dogs and animals are in our lives and what a huge impact both their presence and absence makes in our daily lives.

I know I have gushed over Buster in past posts, but I just want to reinforce what a great joy he is in my life. I can’t wait for him to become a big brother. I so look forward to seeing Buster give Cayden kisses on the checks and toes. I can’t wait to see Buster and Cayden curled together on the couch taking a nap.

Buster’s response to this pregnancy can only be described as human. His gentleness around me is amazing and I believe he knows there is something special brewing in my belly…I can see it his eyes. I am overwhelmed by this love I have for this crazy dog. I can’t imagine the love I will feel for Cayden…surely my heart will burst.


“A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.” John Grogan

Anxious

I have been feeling really anxious these past few days. I’ve have never been a patient person so I knew waiting for certain milestones in my pregnancy would be difficult; I just never knew it would be this thought consuming. I just want to rush time and have my baby in my arms.

I cannot wait to feel Baby Cayden kick. True, I am feeling stuff, sensations, fluttering; but it’s not distinct or consistent. About every other day I feel a little fluttering in my belly that I know is not gas or digestion. I know it’s the baby doing something…a somersault, a lap around the belly or a flip. I can’t wait until I feel these sensations all the time and they become more distinctive. The baby is (according to my weekly newsletter from American Pregnancy) a little over 5 inches. I simply can’t believe I don’t feel a 5 inch person moving around in my belly.

Chad bought me a gift card to Motherhood Maternity for Christmas. So this weekend I decided it was time to cash in. I bought a pair of jeans, a pair of slacks and two shirts. I wore the jeans yesterday and (as Chad predicted) I was not ready for them. They kept sliding off me all day. My belly is not big enough to fill them out. It disappointed me a little bit. I don’t want to become as big as a house, but I am ready to have a full, round, beautiful baby belly proudly protruding before me.

I am still waiting to gain my first pregnancy pound. I know this shouldn’t be an issue, but again according to my pregnancy newsletter I should have gained between 5 and 10 pounds by now. Chad is ultra concerned about this; especially since we read that lack of weight gain leads to pre-mature birth. I am in no way interested in gaining 50-80 pounds and becoming a little chub-o, but I want to be healthy and I want to make sure Cayden is getting all the proper nutrients he needs. I feel like I eat all the time. I eat lots of dairy, fruits and veggies. The doctor hasn’t said anything about my lack of weight gain. However, on my next pre-natal visit if I haven’t gained at least 3 pounds I will definitely be having a conversation with the doctor about it. I mean I am over 4 months pregnant and in my second trimester. Oh well, I will just count myself among the lucky ones. Maybe I will pull a Jessica Alba.

I think I let the whole “you might go into pre-term labor” scenario get to me. I said I wouldn’t, but it snuck up on me and I let fear creep into my mind. It’s amazing…the joy that is felt with pregnancy is also coupled with extreme fear and anticipation. I find myself saying over and over again “I just want everything to be okay.” Chad has been spending many hours listening to all my irrational fears and doing his best to support me and reassure me that everything will be okay.

I just need to let my pregnancy take its own course. I keep comparing myself to other pregnant women; some of which are much further along than I am. I am on the internet doing research constantly trying to figure out when certain things are suppose to happen and wondering why it’s not happening to me yet. . It’s amazing…because once I found out I had life inside of me I wanted it to be apparent in every way possible. I just need to take a breath, step back and enjoy all these precious moments as they happen—and they will happen.

Not So Typically After All…

Well, my prediction yesterday was a little bit off; yesterday’s doctor’s appointment wasn’t as typical and in-and-out as I thought it would be. For starters, I *still* haven’t gained any weight. I know I shouldn’t be complaining about this, but I am already 4 months. I feel like I should have gained *something* *anything* by this point. I just want the baby to be getting all the nutrition and growth he needs. The doctor didn’t comment on my lack of weight gain so I guess I shouldn’t start to worry about it just yet.

I also found out yesterday that I will be going to *a lot* more doctor appointments. One of my blood tests came back abnormal. The results are nothing to panic about; the doctor’s just need to monitor me a little bit more closely. Apparently, one of my hormone levels is very low and this puts me at risk for pre-term labor.

So now I need to go to the doctor every other week to get my cervix measured and make sure that I am not dilating. I’m sure that procedure will be tons of fun. Then I also have to get monthly ultrasounds to make sure the baby isn’t sitting too low (i.e. trying to get out) and to make sure he is developing normal. I am looking forward to the monthly ultrasounds; they are the best! Plus, I still have to go to my monthly pre-natal exams. So in one month I will have 4 doctors’ appointments. Yikes! At least I work for a company that is understanding and supportive of all these crazy doctor appointments.

I don’t want to get panicked over this little revelation. I know that the doctors are just being overly precautious. And that’s a good thing, because it is better to be safe than sorry. I now need to pay extra close attention to my body. Any cramping, bleeding or contractions and I need to get myself to the doctor, or if severe, the hospital immediately.

I guess Cayden is just super excited to meet everyone, but he needs to stay in the oven a bit longer so he can be healthy and strong. I don’t think this is a bad thing or anything to get overly worked up about. I plan on being calm and taking everything one day at a time. Pregnancy is full of surprises and if this is the worst news we get I can take it.

My poor parents; they were more shocked and concerned than I was. I was proud of them though for not panicking or freaking out. Plus, once they heard the baby heart’s beating rapidly they were completely filled with joy. He is definitely in there and he definitely sounds like he is thriving.

Since Chad did not make it to the doctor appointment with me I had to explain to him everything that had been explained to me in the doctor’s appointment. It’s hard to remember all the details and get everything right. He kept saying, “Did you ask (fill in the blank)?” And, of course, my answer would be, “no.” I get stage fright when I go to the prenatal visits. I have questions in my head and once I get to the exam room I totally freeze up. I think next time I will take the questions on a piece of paper so that I am forced to ask them. Chad was calm the entire time I was explaining everything and telling him all the appointments I will be going to. He wasn’t panicked or worried. At least he didn’t appear to be panicked or worried. Right now I think his main priority is to be my support system and I love him for that.

Another slight revelation yesterday; Jodi, the nicest FNP ever, said the heartbeat sounded like a girl! The baby’s heart beat was 146 and she says fast heartbeats usually mean girl! Yikes…maybe Cayden will turn into Addison after all. Chad is freaking out about this a little bit. In the end I am going to put more stock in the ultrasound technician who was looking at a picture; rather than the speed of our baby’s heart. It will be quite an adjustment if the baby does turn out to be a girl; just because we are so used to and excited about our little boy. We have our next ultrasound in about two weeks so we will get confirmation then. Whatever happens, boy/girl, I am 100% in love with our baby and can’t wait to hold him/her. But until we get confirmation otherwise I am sticking with Cayden.

So yes, the adventures continue in this exciting process called pregnancy. I can only imagine what lies in store for us over the next few months.

Another Doctor Appointment Today

Well, it’s that time of the month again…doctor appointment time. However, this appointment will be a little bit different. My parents will be there! I truly hope they aren’t expecting any spectacular because they aren’t going to get it. This is one of those wham-bam-thank-you-m’am doctor appointments. Oh well, at least we will all experience it together and I get to leave work early—that’s always a plus.

Chad and I already decided that he would not be attending the quickie doctor appointments with me anymore. It just doesn’t make sense for him to have to leave work early and drive so far for such a quick visit. He just has to make sure he is present for every ultrasound and towards the end he will have to be there because it will be a sensitive and critical time for us. I will need all the support I can get.

Our next visit should be another ultrasound. The next ultrasound will confirm that Baby Cayden is a boy and will also take an in-depth look at all his organs and spine to make sure everything has developed properly. That should be in 4 weeks and I am super-super excited about it. I am saying it again…ultrasounds are the best!

My parents will stay through the weekend and celebrate New Year’s with us. We are having a few people over for some food, board games and a bon-fire in the backyard. I will happily be drinking hot chocolate while all the non-pregnant people get to indulge on Margarita’s (yum) and Dr. Pepper with Southern Comfort (double yum).

I imagine my parents will be happy with any type of visit we have today. They haven’t heard the heartbeat so that will be really exciting for them. Heck, it will be really exciting for me. I will never get sick of hearing the quick heartbeat of my rapidly growing baby boy.

The Holidays

I am back at work today. It’s going to be a hard adjustment waking up early again. I had been sleeping until about 10 am when I was in New Mexico. At least this will be a short week. We have Thursday off and I am thinking about taking Friday as a vacation day. I can surely survive 3 days at work.

We had a great time in New Mexico. Of course, the trip went by super fast. I can’t believe Christmas is already over. We got to Los Lunas about 11 at night on Friday the 19th. We then woke up pretty early to try and be in Clovis by lunch time. Chad was having a major craving for Jaunito’s. We left Buster with my parents because we didn’t want to overwhelm Sherri’s house with another dog. Jaunito’s was awesome just like I knew it would be. We ate lunch with his mom and grandma.

The rest of the Clovis trip was spent eating, playing the Nintendo Wii and lounging around. It was so nice. On Sunday we went to Nan’s house and she made taco salad. It was so flippin’ delicious. Nan truly is an awesome cook and I loved having some of her homemade food. That was the only homemade meal we had the entire Clovis trip. The rest of the time we ate out. We went to Jaunito’s a couple times, Something Different, Twin Crownies, Shoguns, and a couple of Chinese buffet restaurants. I can’t believe little ‘ol Clovis can have so many awesome restaurants.

We were also able to show his mom, Nan and his dad the ultrasound DVD. It was awesome to be able to share that special moment with the family. His family hadn’t seen us since we found out we were pregnant so everyone was super excited to see us. Every time I see the ultrasound DVD I see something new and different. I don’t think I will ever get tired of watching it.

We made it back to Los Lunas by Christmas Eve afternoon. It was eating all over again. Before we went to my grandma’s house I also showed my parents the ultrasound DVD. They watched it a few times. They were so excited to see it they just had to see it again.

The food at my grandma’s house was awesome. I had been craving tamales forever and I enjoyed every bite of them. Yum…Yum. We exchanged presents with all the uncles and aunts and munched on Christmas goodies; after we went looking at Christmas lights in Albuquerque.

We actually slept in on Christmas morning. Chad ended up waking everyone up to open even more Christmas presents. It felt like we opened presents for hours. Chad, as always, spoiled me and got me a million different cool things including: my favorite perfume, a Pomeranian calendar, a new blue tooth headset, a gift card to Motherhood Maternity and a bunch of other stuff I can’t even think of right now.

We spent Christmas day at my other grandma’s house. Again, we ate and opened presents and generally had a good time. Chad played and played with my little cousin Mikey and reinforced just how special he will be as a dad. It almost brought a tear to my eye.

Holy cow on Friday we went to go see the movie Marley and Me. Wow. What a tearjerker. I started bawling during the opening credits. I read the book so I already knew what to expect. But that didn’t stop me from sobbing at the end. Chad and I sat there holding each other and cried our faces off. It was almost embarrassing. It’s about a couple who gets a dog, then has kids and establishes their life. The dog teaches them all about family, love and all that other stuff. It was like looking in a mirror. If you want to sob your head off go see Marley and Me.

We also went to Sandia Casino, my favorite casino of all time. While we were there we won a couple hundred dollars on roulette—holla! I love that casino it has a huge non-smoking room with all the table games which is very nice.

We came home on Saturday because we had so much stuff to do at the house. When we were at Wal-Mart yesterday we bought Cayden a few Christmas onesies. They were on sale and I couldn’t help myself. I had to buy the 6-9 month size. I can’t believe next Christmas we will have a creepy crawler in the house. It is truly unbelievable. I am looking forward to it already!

Cross Dresser?

Ahhh…the joys of a growing baby and a growing body. Last night I discovered these joys first-hand. I woke up about 1:25am burning hot. I don’t know why, we aren’t running the heater and it is usually about 66 degrees in the house. I kicked off all the blankets and laid there for a few minutes; feeling very grumpy and still sweltering. I decided to go to the bathroom; I figured walking on the cold tile floor in my bare feet would help cool me.

I got back to bed and I was a lot cooler, but sleep was still eluding me. My precious and adorable husband was snoring louder than a hibernating grizzle bear on a January evening. Oh my gosh, I felt sorry for him, but also sorry for myself because I couldn’t get back to sleep. I tried to get him to stop. I tried rubbing his arm, leg, shoulder, back, chest…none of that worked. I even resorted to kicking and punching him…still nothing helped. I decided enough was enough and I grabbed Buster and headed towards the spare bedroom.

Our house is old and the installation is lousy; especially in the spare bedroom. In the summer it’s an oven and in the winter it’s an icebox. It was freezing in there. I quickly decided a tank top and panties would not be enough to keep me comfortable. I was in luck. Chad had already packed for our holiday trip and his suitcase was in the spare bedroom.

I opened the suitcase and found a pair of his night pants. This is how the scene played out in my head. I’ll put the night pants on; naturally they will fall off my hips and on to the floor; I’ll pick them up and crawl into bed and fall asleep…case closed.

This is how the scene played out in reality. I grabbed the pants; put in my left leg; put in my right leg and pulled them up. Then nothing. They didn’t fall down to the ground, they didn’t even fall to my knees. Nope. They stayed put; fitting snugly on my hips. “These fit?” I thought. “How is that possible.”

I am convinced that the elastic band is fully stretched out when Chad wears them. But, yes, it is official…I can wear my husband’s clothes.

Christmas Plans

So it’s here; my favorite time of the year…Christmas! It got here really fast this year; I can’t believe we are beginning our holiday travels starting tomorrow. I am going to ask to leave work at 3:00 so that Chad and I can get on the road as soon as possible. The weather doesn’t seem like it wants to cooperate with our holiday driving. I wanted to fly, but Chad insisted that we drive. So we are driving and it’s going to be interesting.

So, we’ll head out tomorrow afternoon and weather and road conditions permitting we will make it to my parent’s house in Los Lunas. The trip normally takes about 6 hours; but with the winter weather it might take longer. Or we might get stuck in Heber or Winslow, Arizona. If that is the case we will just have to stay the night in one of those little towns and finish driving on Saturday. The goal is to get to Clovis by Saturday afternoon.

I am excited to be going to Clovis for a portion of the holidays. I have never spent the holidays with Chad’s family in Clovis and he hasn’t been back for the holidays since he’s lived in Arizona; which is 4 years. It will be good for us to see everyone; especially since his family is still trying to heal from the death of Chad’s grandpa Pop.

We are going to stay in Clovis until Wednesday (Christmas Eve). We will leave sometime after lunch in order to make it to my Grandma Margaret’s Christmas Eve bash. There are so many places we want to eat at once we get to Clovis. It’s amazing how such a small town can be home to so many of our favorite restaurants. Here is our must-eat-at list: Juanito’s, Something Different, Shoguns and China Station. Nan is also going to make us Sunday dinner (taco salad), I can’t wait for that; it’s going to be extra yummy.

Wanna hear the icing on the cake? On Tuesday night Abby and her hubby Tyler, along with their adorable pup named Romy might be able to make it down for a quick visit. They live in Eunice, New Mexico and are heading to Amherst, Texas that night to spend the holidays with Abby’s family. They are planning on making a detour and coming through Clovis! I am so excited about this. I haven’t seen Abby since her wedding; which was over two years ago. And for good friends like me and Abby that is simply too long. You best believe I will be taking tons and tons of pictures of the event.

We will spend Wednesday through either Saturday or Sunday in Los Lunas with my family. Let me tell you…I have been fantasizing about my Grandma Margaret’s homemade tamales for weeks now. YUM! Every time I think of them my mouth waters and I just want to swim in them. They are so delicious. I can’t wait. We always do Christmas Eve at her house. We will then open presents Christmas morning at my parent’s house. I wonder if my parents got Cayden more presents than me and Chad! After that we will head to my Grandma Priscilla’s and Grandpa Fred’s house for more holiday feasts.

I imagine the trip will go by super fast and be super busy, but I also know it will be super fun. I am excited to see everyone and show off my small, but growing, baby bump. There are also so many movies coming out in the theater that I want to see. Hopefully we will be able to catch a few. Maybe we will take Sherri to a movie; I don’t think she’s been to the theatre in years.

I work the whole week after Christmas, with the exception of January 1st because our company is closed that day. My parents will be with us for the New Year and hopefully for my prenatal visit on the 30th of December.

Happy Holidays!

New Year’s Resolutions

I was inspired by my friend Abby’s New Year’s Resolution blog so I decided to write my own. I imagine 2009 is going to be a BIG year for Abby; she has 12 New Year Resolutions! I don’t think I will be brave enough to create 12 resolutions like Abby; however, I do plan on being specific in my resolutions and hope to see them through as best I can. I think resolutions should be all about making yourself a better person and hopefully making the world a better place.

1) Be More Thankful—I need to start saying thank you more; a lot more actually. I often write about what a smarty pants Chad is, but, honestly he is my saving grace. I need to let him know that. He does so much for me, the house, the dog and will for baby Cayden too. Chad if you read this—THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! I also need to start telling my family and friends just how much their presence and support means to me. A little thank you goes a long way and I need to start telling people when they deserve it. Lastly, and probably most importantly, I need to start telling God thank you more. I’ve come to realize that I tend to talk to God in times of need and heartache and slip in a little in times of great joy. So, yes, I need to tell God daily just how thankful I am He has given me so many blessing!

2) Stop Complaining!—This is a big one for me. Chad probably knows this better than anyone, but I complain for everything about everything. I don’t know why either; I guess I just like listening to my own voice. Truth be told I don’t have a lot to complain about so I really need to stop. I usually just complain about little things that don’t matter and since they don’t matter then there is no need to complain.

3) Be Completely Prepared for Cayden By April—Chad is going to have to help me out on this one. He wants to do some minor house repairs in preparation for Cayden. So those repairs need to be done before I can start getting my hands dirty with decorating, painting and spending money! I want everything prepared by April because that puts me at 7 months pregnant. And what if baby comes early? I don’t want to be minus a stroller in that case. Besides I just want to revel in nursery-ness as soon as possible. I can’t wait to videotape Chad putting the crib together. I’ll post it on youtube!

4) Learn From Others—I am surrounded by so many great people and I can learn so much from all of them. Chad’s consideration. My mom’s kindness. My dad’s passion. Sherri’s (my mom-in-law) generosity. Abby’s supportiveness. Kenna’s courage. Kim’s (my boss) faith. Karen’s (my friend at work) goodness. Buster’s thankfulness. Cayden’s ability to constantly grow.

5) Get the Baby Weight Off—Hey, I had to throw in at least one self resolution, right? I am hoping there isn’t too much to take off. But to keep with my resolutions let me say this: I am thankful for the extra weight because it means I have the ability to create life. I thank God for giving me legs to run, arms to lift and a job that provides an on-site gym. Like my dad I will passionate in my workout. Like Kim I will have faith in my ability to get back in shape.

Cocoa Butter and Body Changes

Once I found out I was pregnant I immediately started using cocoa butter all over my body. It is supposed to help with stretch marks. Apparently cocoa butter reduces and prevents stretch marks and with my small frame Lord knows I need all the help I can get. I know that it is impossible to have a baby and not get any stretch marks; however, I do want to minimize the stretch marks as best I can. I put the cocoa butter on my chest, stomach, sides, extra on my hips and my backside. It has made getting ready in the morning take a little bit longer, but I figure it is worth the extra 5 minutes of prep time. At night, I usually use body butter all over to keep my skin moisturized. I imagine that the bigger I get the more times a day I will be doing my lotion routine.

This is what Chad, the jokester, had to say, “You should put some of that cocoa butter on your mouth. You talk so much your lips might get stretch marks.” Ha…Ha…Ha…very funny. Chad should get the award for comedian of the year, right?

I really hope that the cocoa butter does its intended job because I have already started to notice a few body changes taking place. For starters, I have noticed that I am starting to get swollen in a few places. My chest has definitely plumped up. It is actually a really nice side effect of being pregnant. My boobs have never been firmer or perkier. I am sure once the baby is born they will sag down to my knees, but for now I am loving them!

Also, my belly is starting to get slightly swollen. Tracking my belly growth has been a little difficult for me. I have always been small framed and thin, however, I have always-always had a poochy belly. It has always stuck out a little bit and been slightly disproportionate to the rest of my frame. So I really can’t tell if it is baby poochy or just my regular poochy-ness. The only real difference I can tell is that my belly is not as soft and rolly. My stomach is starting to firm, but is still round and sticks out a little. I figure at almost 14 weeks it is definitely starting to get about that time when I will start to really show. My weekly newsletter, that tells me everything that is happening week to week, said I should be in pregnancy clothes by now. I’m not yet. With the exception of a few pants needing the addition of the belly belt I am still in regular clothes. I am sure it won’t last much longer though. Truth be told I am looking forward to a big pregnant belly—just not too big!

One reason I am convinced I will be in maternity clothes in the next few weeks is because I am 100% sure my hips grew a few inches overnight! Here’s the deal. I went to bed in my regular night-time clothes, no problem, no worries. I woke up this morning to make Chad breakfast and my hips were burning—like they were on fire. I pulled down my sweat pants and my underwear was literally dug into my skin really deep. I took them off and my skin was super bright red and had horrible indentations where the underwear band had been. So either my underwear shrunk overnight or I grew overnight. I am thinking it might be the latter. Luckily, I recently went to Victoria’s Secret and bought 7 new pair of underwear all a size bigger than I normally wear. Looks like I will be using those for at least the next 6 months or maybe the rest of forever.

Okay, this next body change is actually pretty funny. I have always had peach fuzz on my belly. Although Chad says, “you can’t call it peach fuzz if it’s brown.” Again, what a jokester. Well, I have brown hair, so naturally my peach fuzz is brown. I have noticed these past few weeks that my “peach fuzz” has upgraded from peach fuzz to full-blown body hair. I look like a gorilla! I don’t know if it is hormones or not, but the hair on my belly is darker, longer and there seems to be a lot more of it. Ugh…I hate it. I want a pretty pregnant belly. I don’t want to look like Thomas Beattie.

Oh well, I am sure these body changes are nothing compared to what is in store for me over the next six months. It’s gonna be a wild ride and I am loving it so far!

A Baby Named and Other Randomness

We’ve named our baby! I know that the doctor said 80% and not 100% the baby is a boy, but we just couldn’t help ourselves. I am so excited to drop the “it”. We don’t mean to say “it” when referring to Baby Reed, but sometimes you just can’t help it. So we knew we wanted to name the baby as soon as possible. Besides I think naming the baby right away helps in the bonding process. I feel more connected to him than ever.

So here it is…drum roll please…our baby will be named Cayden! Chad thought of the name long before I even got pregnant and I love it. I loved it the moment he said it and I grow more in love with it every day. Cayden Reed. It sounds marvelous. I am so thrilled with our name choice. We are still deciding on a middle name. It is so hard to believe this is all happening. Every day is gets more and more real.

Now that we have a tentative gender and name I have added a few more items to our baby registries, and once we get gender confirmed we will finish out the registries and start decorating!

Randomness #1
We went to dinner with Linsey (Chad’s sister) this past Saturday. We went to P.F. Chang’s (best Chinese food ever!). I don’t know if I have mentioned this or not, but Linsey is also pregnant. She is exactly 3 months ahead of me. She will be welcoming baby Kale in March. Two baby boy’s are on the way and everyone is super excited.

After dinner we went back to our house to watch a movie. I was able to feel baby Kale kick! It was one of the coolest things ever. I was able to feel him about three times and Chad was able to feel him too. I was really amazed by how strong his kicks were, you couldn’t just feel them, you could feel them. Linsey and I talked and talked all about pregnancy and all the crazy changes that are happening to us. I am sure Chad was thrilled.

Speaking of movement, at dinner I thought I felt Baby Cayden kicking me. But it is obviously very early to feel such things. However, I have been paying very close attention to everything that has been happening in my mid-section. I have been trying to really pay attention to what exactly are hunger pains and gas pains so that I tell what isn’t gas and hunger pains. This is what it was like. In my lower belly on my right side I felt a little vibration, it lasted about 3 seconds, about 15 seconds after that, another little vibration lasting about 3 seconds. I haven’t felt anything since then, but it was really excited to think that maybe I felt that baby move. I can’t wait to feel him!

Randomness #2
The doctor called today and said the results from my blood work from last week have been fully evaluated. She said everything looked great; no need for follow up testing. I loved hearing that. Now we can breathe. I am so grateful everything is progressing the way it should be. I have my monthly pre-natal visit scheduled for December 30th and I am sure we will go over the test results in-depth at that appointment.

Randomness #3
I still haven’t gained any pregnancy weight. I believe it’s normal to stay the same during the first trimester. I imagine that in the next few weeks I will really start packing on the pounds. For one, I will be entering my second trimester and Cayden will also starting putting on significant weight. Also, it is the holidays and I simply can’t say no to all the goodies that are surrounding me.

The Cat’s Out of the Bag

Well, like the lion from Wizard of Oz, I had also been looking for courage. I wanted the courage to tell my director all about Baby Reed. Today, with the blessing of my manager, I found the courage I was looking for and I told her. And you know what? Anticipation is worse than action. It wasn’t bad at all. She didn’t shun me or fire me. She genuinely seemed excited for me.

I knew I had to tell her soon. A time bomb has been ticking for awhile now. For starters, there is our department holiday party tonight at her house. I was afraid someone might say something during the party. I didn’t want to create an awkward situation at the party and I figured it would be more respectable if I told her myself. Also, Karen, my good friend at work, her boss asked if I was pregnant. So that made me figure that I am starting to look pregnant.

Now the cat is out of the bag and I feel good. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more hushed conversations and looking around the corner to see who is there. Now, I can just proudly display my happiness and joy for the whole world to see.

So, I will likely spend the rest of the day telling the rest of my department, floor, campus, Phoenix metropolitan area, the state of Arizona and the entire Southwest Region all about Baby Reed. I wonder how expensive it is to rent a billboard or a skywriting airplane?

Telling People At Work

I work for the University of Phoenix; I work in the Corporate and Community Relations department. This means that my department reaches out to local corporations as a way to market our educational programs. I am out of the office a lot—visiting different companies; mainly giving presentations about our school. Our department has two main segments; employees that work directly with corporations and employees who work directly with alumni students. There are two managers; one that oversees the corporate people and the other overseas the alumni people. Then we have our director.

So far, the two managers know about Baby Reed. Our director does not. However, the decision not to tell our director (a woman by the way) wasn’t mine. I was basically told not to by both managers. They both gave this reasoning: “she’s not supportive.” I still don’t know what to make of all this. I am happy and I want to shout from the rooftops that I am going to be a mom. Instead, I feel like I have to hide. I have only told a few people at work; a couple of my good friends and then anyone else who has heard it through the grapevine.

I think it comes to a moral or ethical issue. I am a grown woman with a husband. It makes me no longer want to work for this department. And that’s sad because I love working for this department and I love being out in the community telling people about University of Phoenix. But I just don’t think I can work for a department whose director is so completely heartless. I think I want to go back to Student Services; the department I worked in before I came to Corporate/Community Relations. I am looking now and once I get back from FMLA I will be really looking.

Now I am kind of confused. When do I say something? I am already 13 weeks. I will be showing soon. Do I say something? Does my manager say something? Do I let her figure it out when my belly is big? Do I let her hear it from some random co-worker? I don’t know. I know I am not going to keep this to myself anymore. I am going to start telling people and if she finds out who cares. She can’t fire me over it; she can only be mean and judging and I can handle that.

Gosh, words fail to put into perspective just how hardnosed and cold this woman is. I have never been a fan of her and now I can’t stand her. There are so many reasons and examples that simply wouldn’t fit in this blog. Man, if I hear “don’t let Jean find out” one more time I am going to HR—probably not, but I would love to.

She has a grown child, my mom’s age, and an 18-year-old grandson. So maybe she’s lost touch with what it’s like to be a young mother. But I don’t think you should ever lose touch of what’s it’s like to be a human being.

Yesterday’s Dr. Appt

Wow! So, yesterday was one of the coolest days in the life of being pregnant so far. We had an in-depth ultrasound of Baby Reed and it was amazing, absolutely amazing. The ultrasound lasted over 30 minutes, though I could have stayed watching the baby forever. It was so in-depth and precise. It is mind-blowing to take a peek inside and witness life being formed. Now I understand why they call it a miracle. I am amazed by this baby and his constant movement, curiosity and growth. The baby was so active yesterday. I felt like he was teasing us. When the ultrasound tech wanted him on his back he would roll to his stomach. When she wanted to see his face he would show us the back of his head. It was funny.

I can’t believe how different this ultrasound was from the first one. In the first one you could see the baby, but it was kind of like an ink blot. In this ultrasound you could definitely tell there is a tiny baby inside me. The baby is now a little over 3 inches. The tech said he was big! I still won’t be able to feel his movements for another 3 to 7 weeks. I can’t wait. When I was seeing the baby on screen it was hard to believe I couldn’t feel him too, just because the movement s were so big. He kept kicking off the bottom of the baby sac and would swim around and roll over and touch his face. Wow, it was so flippin’ amazing.

Chad was completely mesmerized. He was holding my hand and watching the screen. He couldn’t take his eyes off the baby. I couldn’t either. I didn’t want to miss a thing. Luckily for us they taped the entire ultrasound and put it on a DVD for us to take home. We re-watched at home and it was just as amazing the second time around. I am so excited about this DVD, because now we can share it with friends and family. This is so awesome because obviously our family hasn’t been able to be there for our doctor appointments. It’s such an awesome and special keep sake.

I was amazed by the clarity of the pictures. You could see baby butt checks, absolutely adorable. We even got a glimpse at baby fingers. All 5 were there! It was awesome. We will confirm the other 15 fingers and toes at a later date. We could see the lobes of the brain and the ribs and the vertebrae’s in the spin. The arms and legs are fully formed; we could see the bend in the wrist and ankles as well as the elbows and kneecaps. I still can’t believe a real live person is floating around inside me. I wish I was a marsupial so I could pull back my pouch and take a look anytime I wanted!

Wanna hear a real kicker? The ultrasound tech said that she is 80% sure we are having a boy and that she has only been wrong twice. A little boy! How wonderful! She said not to paint the nursery blue just yet, but she is pretty certain. Now we just need to finalize the name. We have it down to two. We just gotta pick one. Wow! I was so excited we were able to get an early read yesterday. Wow! I wish I could stop saying wow, but I just can’t help it.

After the ultrasound was over we met with the genetic counselor. She said everything looked good and there is no need to worry about birth defects or abnormalities. Thank God for miracles! They did a little blood work. Only 6 drops—not 6 vials. Thank God for small favors. They will confirm everything once the blood work has been analyzed.

We will do another in-depth ultrasound around weeks 18-22. During that ultra-sound they will do the finger and toes test as well as take an in-depth look at all of the baby’s organs. They will also confirm that Baby Reed is a boy at that time. For now, I am gonna keep with the he’s and his and once we decide on our name I will let you know that as well.

Sometimes life is hard and it brings us heartache and despair and sometimes life is really good. I pray for God to give me the strength to get through the hard times and the humility to be especially grateful for the good times. Above all, I thank God for putting people in my life that are there for both.

Testing & Ultrasound Today

We have a doctor’s appointment today at the Perinatal and Women’s Center of Arizona (sounds very official, huh?). They will be doing some genetic testing on the baby and doing an in-depth ultra sound. First, I will have to get some more blood work (yuck!) done to measure various levels of hormones. This will help rule out any genetic disorders such a Down ’s Syndrome or Sickle Cell. Then we will have our second ultra sound. This ultra sound will take an in-depth look at the physical development of Baby Reed. They will do a lot of different measurements to make sure the baby is physically developing normally and healthy.

Neither Chad nor I have any family history of genetic disorders or unhealthy pregnancies so that provides me with reassurance. Plus, we are both young (well, at least I am…lol) so that means we do not have increased risks of any complications. Still, it is a bit unnerving because you just never know…and above all, I want more than anything for our baby to be as healthy as can be. We have a lot of people praying for us and I am confident all will go well today.

Plus, I am super excited about the ultrasound. Ultrasounds are the best; I want to give the guy who invented the ultrasound a big kiss on the forehead. I can’t wait to see all the different parts of Baby Reed in live-action. The baby was already pretty active at 8 weeks so I can’t imagine what he will be like at 12 weeks. The ultra-sound machine they are using is extremely state of the art, so we should be able to see some really clear images. I wish we could learn the gender today, but that is still about 8 weeks away. I’m also still waiting to feel movement , but nothing yet. I won’t feel baby kicks for another 3 to 7 weeks. I definitely hope it’s soon rather than later.
Tune in tomorrow to get updated on Baby Reed’s progress and to check out some more pictures of our little one in action!

Ready for This?

While being pregnant has been the greatest joy of my life I can’t help but think of all the changes that are yet to come and the sacrifices that will have to be made. I wonder…am I ready? Are we ready? Bottom line…I’m scared of what is yet to come. In the past, my biggest argument for not wanting a child had always been, “because I’m really happy with the way everything is.” As time went on I began to realize that my satisfaction with my life made me want to share it; made me want to create something bigger than just Chad and I.

Again, I go back to the word sacrifice. There will be so many. For starters, and the most shallow of all, is my body. Despite my continuous exercise and improved eating habits, my body will change and chances are it will never be the same again. To be honest, I wasn’t all that thrilled with it before I got pregnant. Money; there just never seems to be enough of it. How will we pay for *fill in the blank* runs through my mind all the time. Time, it’s another valuable and elusive commodity. Will I ever sleep again? Finally, and maybe most importantly, there is still so much Chad and I want to do…travel mainly. There are a million destinations we want to visit and we even would like to spend some time living outside the country. Selfishly, I wonder if Chad and I will ever spend another Sunday wrapped up in the sheets all day without a care in the world.

I realize the decision to have this child is letting go of the last piece of me that’s free. When Chad and I first got together there was a whole world open to us. We could go anywhere, do anything. Now, we need to provide an environment for our baby that is stable and routine. We own a house (that thanks to the economy is worth less than what we paid for it), two cars and have student loans. The option to pick up and leave simply isn’t there. The option to change simply isn’t there. I mean, I sometimes want to leave my job. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job a lot and I love all of my co-workers. University of Phoenix is a great place to work, but there are times I want something more, something different, a new challenge. Now I have to stay committed and be responsible. I suppose that it is human instinct to feel a little trapped when all of your options suddenly start to disappear.

I know most expectant parents must all share the same fears and must feel the same heavy burden of responsibility. If I didn’t feel this way I don’t think I would be being honest with myself; I don’t think I would be taking it seriously enough.

Don’t get me wrong. I am completely humbled and grateful for this experience. And I recognize that there are couples out there who haven’t been able to conceive as easily as Chad and I. This gift is a miracle and I am thankful every day. In addition to all the sacrifices that lay before me I also think of all the joy yet to come.

Eventually it comes down to taking a leap of faith. Because, truth be told, there is no such thing as being 100% ready for a child. There will never be enough money, or enough time, and we’ll never have done all the things we want to. If we wait for everything to be in place and be 100% right and ready; eventually this truly great moment will pass us by. The simple truth is that in the end having a child is priceless, sleep is overrated and the joy of raising another human being is greater than any overseas adventure.

Baby Buster

I love my dog. I do. I am completely in love with Buster. Buster has been a beautiful addition to mine and Chad’s life and I truly feel he has taught us valuable lessons on becoming parents. Obviously, our parents are the number one contributors in that department; however, parents set the example and Buster has given us the opportunity to practice the example.

We got him just over three years ago. At the time, Chad and I were living in a small apartment and there really wasn’t room for a dog, but I insisted, and I got my way. I had a Pomeranian growing up, Bubbles, and I loved him dearly (he passed away about 6 months ago) so I knew I wanted to share my living space with another Pom. After seeing dozens of Poms, I finally found one in the local paper that seemed like a good fit. The minute I saw him bounce out the carrier I was a goner; I was in love and I knew I would buy him.

Chad had never been a fan of small dogs, but he immediately grew to love Buster and now they are best friends. Sometimes I think Buster loves Chad more than me! They are inseparable and it is completely adorable to watch the two of them play together. Buster truly is our “first child”. I know that a dog and a human baby are very different. But Buster is definitely part of the parenting process for us. First you take care of yourself. Then you take care of a plant. Then you take care of a dog. Then it’s time for a human baby. I know that Buster will be an amazing older brother. I cannot wait to watch him with the Baby. I 100% trust Buster and know he will be nothing but gentle with the new baby.

Buster has truly taught us how to take care of another living being. And now that I am pregnant I feel more in love with him than ever; and I want to make sure he is taken care of more than ever. Buster has needs and Chad and I need to make sure we are able to meet those needs. We need to make sure he is feed, watered, loved, exercised, cleaned and has a safe place to call his own. We have to find dog-sitters and take him to the dog-doctor. Taking care of him and watching him grow has been such a joy. I can’t imagine how wonderful it will be to see our child grow, learn and thrive in this crazy world. Buster, like a child, even gets an attitude and is deliberately defiant—it’s so funny. I definitely anticipate Buster and the Baby teaming up and leaving poor ‘ol mom and dad in the dust.

I feel that Buster can sense that there is life growing inside me. On Tuesday of this week he jumped in my lap after dinner, like he usually does. Then, out of nowhere he began sniffing my belly like crazy. Next thing I knew he put his snout up my shirt and began licking my belly. It was so sweet. He was licking my belly in the same exact spot that we had heard the heart beat on Monday. It was crazy. I absolutely loved it. Of course Chad had to crack a joke and say, “He’s just getting the cheese that’s stuck in between all your rolls.” But we both knew that there was something more to it than that.

For all you pet owners out there…I salute you. Animals truly are our children. They are very important and hold a very special place in our families.

Registies (Updated)

Alas, I got the BabiesRUS website to work and now I have been able to successfully create our registry there. I have only added a few things. We will likely go to the store and add items there; it's better to actually feel and see the items rather than just seeing them online. And of course, we will add a lot more items once we know if Baby Reed will have a cookie or peepee. :o)

Registries

So, I decided yesterday that I wanted to start our baby registries! Ahhh…I love it! It’s so much fun picking out baby stuff. I know I can’t add too much stuff yet because we won’t know the gender of Baby Reed for another 8 weeks or so. But, still, I just wanted to get started because I am overly inpatient (excited) and I thought if people didn’t have Christmas ideas for us they could just go check out the registry.

I decided I would register at both Wal-Mart and BabiesRUs. I picked Wal-Mart because everyone is near a Wal-Mart and mainly because there are no Targets in Clovis; which is where Chadders family is located. Besides, Wal-Mart is super economical and, surprisingly, they actually have really nice, cute stuff for babies. I mean Wal-Mart has all the name brands like: Fisher Price, Baby Einstein, Leap Frog; so I figure it can’t be that bad. I picked BabiesRUS because, well, duh. It has everything; all of their items are beyond adorable and really nice quality. Besides, it is nice for people to have a variety to choose from when getting a gift.

Well, creating my Wal-Mart registry went off without a hitch. I’ve already added a few (very few) items. The BabiesRUS registry has not been so user-friendly. In fact, our BabiesRUS registry is still not yet created. Something must be wrong with the website, because the website simply will not save any of my information. I have tried creating our registry about 4 times and nothing. The website will not save my information nor create my registry. I even called tech support and got no help. I was just told to try again. It’s really frustrating that a huge corporation, that probably gets a lot of sales through baby registries, would have a non-functioning website. At least I still have months to work on it, but that isn’t the point.
Oh well, if you get a chance go check out our registry at the Wal-Mart website…at least that one is working!

Back At It

Today is my first official day back to work after being off for more than a week. Man, let me tell you…it’s hard going back. I can hear my comfy bed and precious dog calling me back. I can’t imagine what it will be like having to come back after the baby is born and I’ve been off for 12 weeks. I wish I could just stay at home all the time; I love it. :o)

I took yesterday off because I was sick. It had nothing to do with baby, it was just your regular common cold. I feel much better today, but still a little tired and achy. I started feeling bad on Thursday, during Thanksgiving feast (what a bummer!), and it lasted all weekend. I had a sore throat, achy muscles, a stuffy and runny nose (don’t know how that happens), headache and just felt all around miserable. The only medicine I could take was Tylenol Cold. It didn’t help. To make matters worse I got my poor mom sick too. Yesterday was 100% pure lazy relaxation. I didn’t wake up until 11pm! Holy cow! I haven’t slept that late since college. After I woke up I didn’t even get out of bed. I just laid in bed with the remote in one hand and Buster in the other. I laid there until I had to get up and go to my doctor’s appointment.

The doctor appointment wasn’t for my sickness; it was for my monthly pre-natal visit. A couple of surprising things happened yesterday at the doctor’s appointment. For starters, I lost weight! Aren’t you supposed to gain weight and get all fat and happy during pregnancy? Well, apparently this is perfectly normal during the first trimester and baby is doing well. Besides, I don’t want to gain too much weight during my pregnancy because then it will be that much harder to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight (if it happens at all). All my other appointments have been with nurse practioners or ultra sound techs and this appointment was with the actual OB/GYN doctor. I was excited to meet the actual doctor, Bruce Eich, MD. Well, my excitement soon wore off, because the appointment lasted a whole 5 minutes. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it all happened really fast. Dr Eich was super nice and friendly, but there just wasn’t a whole lot to be done. He had me lay on my back and felt my tummy and said I was a “good size” and then we listened to the baby’s heartbeat…still amazing. Then he sat me up and said he would see me in four weeks. That’s it! I told him I was sick and he it would work itself out of my system in 7-10 days. The end. I felt bad that I made Chad rush to the appointment. It felt like a waste. Oh well, we will do the whole thing over again come December 29th.