Bad Habits

Before I had Cayden I knew *exactly* how I was going to raise him. I had everything planned perfectly and I had a million and one rules for myself and a long list of, "I would never". Well, I had Cayden and all my lists and rules seemed to go out the window and these past four months I have been doing what feels good and what feels natural.

Mine and Chad's parenting sytle is pretty relaxed. We go with the flow and pretty much let Cayden call the shots. He isn't on any type of scheule except The Cayden Schedule. He eats, sleeps and plays pretty much on his terms. We tend to give him what he wants when he wants it. So far our laid-back parenting style has worked to our advantage. Cayden is a great baby. It's such a joy to take care of him.


However, (yes, there is a "however") Cayden is developing what you might call a bad habit. Actually, it's not Cayden's bad habit, it's my bad habit. Cayden is held *a lot* and has been ever since the day we brought him home from the hospital. Now four months into our parenting adventure Chad and I are finding that Cayden doesn't want to be put down--in fact, he cries sometimes when we do...opps.


I swore I wouldn't be one of those parents who constantly hold and spoil thier baby. Well, then I had Cayden and he was so wonderful I never wanted to put him down. I still don't. I could hold him all day, everyday. I *want* to hold him all day, everyday. However, that is not humanly possible. He *needs* time to be on his own for both physical and psychological development.

I feel that it will be a harder habit to break for myself than it will be for Cayden. He is smart, well-behaved and growing more active everyday. I am sure he will start seeking his independence soon. However, his mommy will have to learn that Cayden needs to be put down at times. It's going to be tough, but I am going to put a real effort into it--starting next month.

Our Life

I have not written in forever. The main reason is because Cayden keeps me so busy that I hardly ever have a few minutes to get on and actually write. He doesn't take two hour naps anymore. Instead we spend most of our days playing on the floor. Also, on a day-to-day basis there is not too much to report. Life is simple and happy.

I enjoy Cayden more everyday and I am fascinated by watching him grow, change and discover the world around him. He is getting so big--litterally growing before my eyes. I swear some mornings I pick him up from his crib and he is *heavier* than when I put him in it the night before. He can sit up by him self, he can roll over, he plays with his toys and he has started eating baby cereal. He laughs all the time and constantly babbles.

He is so sweet too. He hugs and snuggles and gives the worlds biggest kisses. He likes to hold hands and make eye-contact; he looks at you with such love. While Chad is at work Cayden nurses and when Chad gets home I pump bottles so that Chad can participate in feeding him too. Nursing Cayden is pure bliss. I love it. I can't imagine *not* breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is one of the greatest joys of mommyhood. Cayden is so sweet too, he hugs the boob. I just love knowing that even though I am no longer pregnant with him I still remain everything he needs.

The holidays and cool weather are almost here and I simply can not wait. I am so excited to see Cayden at "his first" fill in the blank. We can't wait to be spending some much needed time with our family during the holidays.

I remain grateful that I am able to stay home with my little guy and be a full-time mommy. I enjoy every second I get to spend with him and I will cherish our time together always.

Sleeping Aragnements

Cayden has been upgraded from sleeping in his bassinet to sleeping in his crib. He probably needed to be in his cribs weeks ago but I was being a sissy and didn't want to give up him sleeping next to me.

However, after him being in his crib for the past two nights I realize it was the best decision for him. He needed to be in his crib and he seems so much more comfortable now. Chad and I are so proud of him. He has been sleeping through the night so good in his crib.

He is now going to bed at 9 and waking up around 6. Before he would still go to be at 9 but wake up around 4. The couple extra hours of sleep at night are doing me wonders. Now that he is waking up at 6 we get to spend time in the morning with Chad before he leaves back to work.

Chad had wanted to put him in his crib a few weeks ago, but I wasn't ready. I didn't think him sleeping in the bassinet next to my side of the bed would be so hard to let go, but it was. I loved having him just a few inches away. I would sometimes even sleep with my hand in the bassinet on his chest.

It was hard for me to accept that he needed to move on. I can't believe he is already growing up so darn fast. I guess they can't stay little babies forever. At least we get to cuddle in my bed in the mornings after Chad goes to work. I love it. It's such a special time for mommy and baby.

Cayden Taking A Bath

Splish Splash Cayden was taking a bath...on a Wednesday morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcnO-4TZNyk

Big Decisions

I made a really big decision today. I decided not to return to work. Originally I had planned on returning to work part-time; about 10-20 hours a week. I have been agonizing over this decision for weeks. I was due to return to work tomorrow. I simply could not do it.

We still didn't have the Cayden babysitter situation figured out. I never felt comfortable leaving him. I don't know why. I trust Chad's cousin. She has raised to great boys of her own. But I have always believed that I am best suited to take care of Cayden.

So I am unemployed for the first time in 10 years. This is going to be a major financial adjustment for Chad and I, but I believe that sacrifies will be worth it. I am so proud of Chad for being willing to take on the entire financial burden of our family.

I am confident that this decision is the best decision for our family. Cayden needs me right now. He is so little and still adjusting to his new world. I am so glad that I will be able to stay at home with him. We are going to have so much fun~we already have been; after all we are best buddies.

I love this picture

It completely captures his adorable personality. He is the most beautiful, precious, perfect baby on the planet. He warms my heart in a way I could never imagine. This is the most rewarding and precious tme of my life.

Pictures from NM Visit

Here are some pictures from mine and Cayden's trip to New Mexico. Enjoy!


This is Cayden in Clovis with his great-grandma Nan.


This is Cayden with his great-grandparents.


Cayden with his g-ma and g-pa and his great-grandma.

This is Me, Cayden and my grandma Margaret.

All 4 of us in front of Kenna's house.

Cayden loved his Aunt Kenna.

Chillin' at my parents house after an exhausting week. Whew!

Back to Work

So I will be heading back to work at the beginning of September. I have decided to take a part-time position in the testing center at University of Phoenix. While I do wish that I could stay home 100% with baby Cayden I remain grateful that I am able to stay home mostly with him.


I will be working about 10 hours a week. My hours will be Friday evenings and Saturday during the day. This means that Cayden will only have to go to the sitter for about two hours on Friday afternoons--which is terrific. It also means that Cayden and Chad will have some alone bonding time together; which I am sure will be good for both of them.

Cayden will be going to Chad's cousin's house. Her name is Melissa and she is a stay at home mother to two boys already in school. She loves Cayden to pieces and I am confident that he will be well taken care of. I am glad that we don't have to take over advantage of her kindness. She has offered to take care of Cayden for free and I am glad we will only be imposing on her kindness a few hours a week.


Our ultimate goal is to have me eventually stay at home with Cayden full time. After we get through the holidays and if (fingers crossed) we get a good tax return or if our (fingers crossed) house gets refinanced I will quit the testing center job and stay at home with the baby all the time.

Our New Mexico Trip

Cayden and I took a trip to New Mexico and it was a blast. We road-triped with my dad. He picked us up last Thursday and we made the 9 hour trek to my parents house in Los Lunas. The trip normally takes 3 hours, but with a baby on board we needed to take extra breaks for feeding, changing and pumping.

I am so very proud of Cayden. He did wonderfully on the trip. He didn't cry at all. He slept the entire time! Cayden never ceases to amaze me--he is such a good little baby. We are so blessed to have such a great baby.

I was so pleased to introduce Cayden to all of my family. I love to show him off and I love to see people's reactions the first time they meet him. Of course, my entire family feel completely in love with him. I was so happy to introduce him to all of my grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles. Cayden also got to meet one of his surrogate Aunt's. My friend Kenna (who lives in L.A.) happened to be in town and she got to meet him as well.

We also took a road trip to Clovis to meet all of Chad's family. Of course Cayden did wonderfully on the trip and everyone in Chad's family loved him. Cayden was a traveling man.

I am so glad that we got to spend some time in New Mexico. We had a fantastic time and Cayden got extra spoiled. The only bummer was that Chad was unable to make the trip with us.

Shots!

We just got back from Cayden's two-month well baby check. He is 10 pounds 8 ounces...what a growing boy.

They gave him 4 shots!!!! My poor baby boy. He is in so much pain right now. It's killing me.

More Cayden Video

Here is a video of Cayden playing with his big cousin Kale and his Grandma Sherri. They are 12 weeks apart and I must say that Cayden is catching up to Kale. The size difference isn't so big anymore.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN5LuR5_3Yk

The Clovis Clan

Cayden got to meet some of Chad's family from Clovis this past week. His grandma Reed and Kerri were in town. They, of course, feel in love with him. How can you not?

We had a great time during his mom's visit. Everytime we have friends or family come into town I know two things are certain. 1) We will have a great time. 2) The time will pass by too quickly.

I never thought I would say this but ever since Cayden was born I have found myself with a strong desire to move back to New Mexico. To go home.

It makes me sad in a really real way that so many of our friends and family have yet to meet Cayden. I want so badly to share this wonderful experience with all of the people that are close to us. Sure, youtube and myspace work wonders, but it isn't the same.

There are many obstacles that would prevent us from moving right now. But still, the desire is there. And I know that our family shares the same sentiment.

At the same time moving back to New Mexico is scary. We have roots here in Phoenix. Roots that create stability for us, yet they also seem to be tying us down. Moving back would be a giant step for us; it's almost like we would be starting all over. But that might not be a bad thing.

It's never to late to start over, right?

Making Friends

Cayden has been spending time making friends and I must admit he is very popular. Last Thursday I went to lunch with some friends from work and, of course, everyone feel in love with him. After lunch I took him to the office to show him off. He had about 10 pretty girls ohhing and ahhing over him--something I am sure he will have to get used to ;)

Later that day I had Bunco (my monthly night with the girls where we play a dice game) and again he was the life of the party. Cayden is quickly becoming the most popular baby in Phoenix.

Cayden was very well behaved during his busy day last week. I shouldn't have been surprised--he is always well behaved.

A few weeks ago he was able to meet one of his surrogate aunts when my friend Kristin drove up from Tucson to spend the night with us. I think Kristin wanted to sneak Cayden home with her in her luggage. I can't wait for Cayden to meet his two other surrogate aunt's, Abby and Kenna.

Cayden will also get to meet his Grandma Reed this weekend. Chad's mom is coming down this weekend and is staying with us for a few days. I am sure Sherri will fall instantly in love with Cayden.

I am also going down to New Mexico during the first week of August. I can't wait for Cayden to meet the rest of my family and maybe another surrogate aunt (wink wink Abby).

Growing Boy

Cayden had a doctor appointment on Monday and I am pleased to announce that he is now 7 pounds 11 ounces. He was born at 6 pounds 5 ounces. He lost some weight after his delievery (as all babies do) and checked in at 5 pounds 15 ounces when he was 3 days old.

I still have a little guy on my hands. He is in the 5th percentile. This means that 95% of all baby boys his age are bigger than him! He is my itty bitty and I love him. They always say good things comes in small packages and Cayden definitely fits that expression.

I know that Cayden will come into his own and grow and cath up with all the other boys his age. And if he doesn't and remains small his whole life so be it. Tall, short, big, small it doesn't matter. There is nothing that could ever make me love Cayden less--I can only love him more.

Cayden Video

Here is a link to a video of Cayden from the 4th of July...enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbbTG-Bzmus

Cayden's 1st 4th

It was the best 4th of July ever this year. Cayden is really good at making any event the best one ever.

My parents were in town and we went to Chad's uncles house for some swimming and relaxing. Linsey, Dustin and baby Kale were also there. Fireworks are outlawed in the state of Arizona so we didn't get to see any night time shows, but with the two babies around who needs fireworks.



Cayden has a great time lounging around the pool. I think he was getting ready for his debut on Baywatch or something because he is really showing off his muscles.





After a long nap it was time for him to wake up. It's hard waking up when your a baby...in fact, waking up makes Cayden tired! I love this picture so much. He looks absolutely adorable.




Cayden needed a dip in the pool. He did so good in the pool. He didn't cry once. I knew he would like it because he always does so good with his baths.





I had a great time lounging in the pool with baby Cayden. It was so much fun, but anything involving Cayden is so much fun.




We needed some relaxation after the long day.

No wonder his new nickname is Cheeks! I love this expression he has on his face in this picture. He makes a million and one different faces and they are all so flipping adorable.

Another one of Cayden's adorable faces. If you have noticed Cayden is in his Boppy Pillow in a lot of the pictures we have of him. Boppy Pillows are lifesavers. I would suggest them to anyone.
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Not All Pumps Are Created Equal

I've had a breakthrough in my breastfeeding adventures. Turns out not all breast pumps are created equal and I was definitely using the wrong one. I bit the bullet and bought a new pump yesterday (the one I should have bought initially) and things are already vastly improving.

Much to my surprise the biggest store specifically designated for breast feeding mothers is right down the street from me. I went to the store and the staff was so helpful and was able to set me up with the *right* breast pump.

Breast feeding so far has been a complete joy and has been completely frustrating. I love nursing Cayden and being close to him and continuing to provide for him. It's so beautiful to nurse him; it's something only I as his mother can do.

However, I had been having supply problems. I simply did not have enough milk production to keep him satisfied. I was having to supplement with formula; which I hated doing. The formula made him spit-up and gave him diaper rash.

At first I wasn't pumping that much milk, but I didn't worry too much about it--it was still early and Cayden didn't need much to keep him full. However, these past couple of weeks I noticed that I wasn't pumping any more milk than I was in the first few day. In fact, some days I would actually pump *less* milk. This did not make for a happy Reed household...Cayden demanding more milk; me making less milk.

I would feel so sorry for poor baby Cayden. He would scream out in hunger and there was nothing I could do for him but give him a formula bottle. I felt like a failure. Why couldn't I provide for my baby? Why couldn't I make enough milk to keep him full? It's amazing how personal breast feeding is.

What I found out yesterday was that the pump I was using (Playtex brand) was sabotaging my supply because its pumping pattern did not mimic a nursing baby--therefore when I pumped there was zero brain chemistry involved telling my body to make more milk because I had a baby that needed to be fed. The pump I bought (Medela brand) actually mimics the nursing pattern of a real baby therefore it tells my brain to make more milk.

I have already noticed a difference. My supply has increased in just 24 hours by 1 ounce at every pumping--which is a lot in the breast feeding world. The staff at the store said I would notice a huge difference in supply by the third day of using the new pump and that I should be able to eliminate all formula within 48 hours. Halejulea!

I definitely learned my lesson. Sometimes you get what you pay for. I should have spent the extra $50 on the really good pump because in the end I had to buy it anyway. I'm just so glad that now baby Cayden will be able to get *all* his food from me--the way it should be.

Cathing Up

I am writing this post on my new laptop; which is one of the main reasons I haven't been dishing about how great baby Cayden is.

While we were in the hospital after I had Cayden our computer got a horrible virus that completely wiped out the hard-drive. So we were forced to buy a new laptop. I wasn't really too happy about spending the money, but we have been needing a new laptop for awhile and our new laptop has a webcam so we can start online chatting with our friends and family.

My parents were able to make another trip out to see us after my aunt's funeral. Both my mom and dad thought it would do them good to get out of Los Lunas for awhile and spend some time with Cayden. Afterall, you can't help but be really happy when you are in Cayden's presence. He is such a light. I am so glad that my mom has something positive to focus on right now during this hard time in her life.

It already seems like Cayden is growing so much. He seems so mature and he is staying awake more and more everyday--I love interacting with him. He is already so strong. He lifts his head and can roll over on his side. We give him "tummy time" everyday and his little legs and arms are getting so super buff. I am no making this up, but this kid already had all kinds of muscle definition. I got a buff baby! He's so awesome.

Mommy & Cayden Time

My mom is back in New Mexico and Chad is back to work. This means that Cayden and I have been spending our days by ourselves. It has been absolutely blissful. While I desperately miss my parents and Chad, spending time with Cayden and bonding with him has been delightful.

When my mom went back to New Mexico on Sunday I was a bit apprehensive to be by myself with baby Cayden. I didn't know if I was ready to take care of him all on my own. I have actually surprised myself and adapted very well.

It feels so natural and right to be at home taking care of my baby. I find the stay at home role to fit me perfectly. My days are never dull and I find myself surprisingly busy. Cayden keeps me on my toes.

I can't take all the credit for having such an easy transition into motherhood; super mom I am not. I have to give most of the credit to Cayden. He is *so* easy to take care of. He never gives me any trouble. He hardly ever cries and is so easy going. Getting to take care of him is such a joy and blessing. I look forward to taking care of him the rest of my life.

My Two Sons

I would love to spend this post talking about how wonderfully Buster has adapted to baby Cayden. However, that isn't the case. And it isn't because of anything that Buster has done. Sadly to say it's my fault. I haven't given Buster the opportunity to get to know Cayden and accept him.

I have a fear and a mistrust for Buster and I don't know where it is coming from. I know that by keeping Cayden and Buster separate from each other it will only make Buster grow resentful and jealous of Cayden. However, I can't help myself. The minute I held Cayden I swore I would do anything to protect him. I just don't know why I feel that I need to protect him from Buster.

Buster is super courious about Cayden too. He just stares at him. I wonder what he thinks. I wonder if he is trying to protect his baby brother. I wonder if he sees him as a toy. I wonder if he sees him as a t-bone.

We haven't completely kept them separate. We just haven't integrated our two sons as much as I thought we would have. Buster has had opportunities to sniff Cayden and be near him while we hold him and feed him. Buster still sleeps in our bed at night and is inside most of the day. He just isn't getting the attention he used to. I feel bad admitting this, but I can go the whole day without even petting Buster. I am just so consumed by Cayden right now. I want to spend every single second with him.

Buster isn't completely alone. My parents have their dog, Pepper, at our house. They brought her down so that she could keep Buster company. So far she is doing a good job. They play and keep each other entertained most of the day. Chad gives Buster attention when he gets home from work, but still, it must be hard on Buster to get cast aside the way he has.

It's just that *everything* changes when you bring a child into this world. I have always said that I loved Buster like my own child, but Cayden actually is my own child. Cayden isn't *like* my son; he *is* my son.

I know that everything is still new and that everyone is still getting settled. I am confident that in time we will be one happy family of four.